Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Attack On Our Progress

Confidence. It’s something I’ve struggled with from time to time. I think that most people (especially women) have the same struggles as I do. Sometimes I will be feeling really strong in who I am and other times I doubt everything about myself.

One thing I’ve noticed is that every time it seems like I’m gaining ground on a certain stronghold that pulls me down in life, Satan likes to sneak in and attack. I know this because of how circumstances play out. There was a certain situation I was finally overcoming in my heart and my head. I was finally getting to a point where I could be “me,” without feeling insecure, inept, or unsure of myself. I wasn’t getting cocky, but healthy. It had been a long road and I was really excited as I saw the progress in my own life and knew I was getting to a place where I could really spread my wings. It didn’t last long for Satan and his cronies flew in and hit me right where they knew it would matter the most. And yes, I felt that hit with all the vibrations that came with it.

I’m always surprised how surprised I am when this happens. I should start to prepare and see it coming knowing that Satan never wants to see any progress in my life. He does not want me overcoming internal struggles or battles and he certainly doesn’t want me to have a healthy confidence in my life where God can use me! Yet, time and time again I’ve failed to put up the shield to protect myself and I’ve gotten wounded in the battle for my own soul.

This last time though? This last time I got wounded but I feel I’d made enough progress and God had brought me far enough along in the healing process that I was able to quickly see what was going on and that helped a lot in my perspective and my ability to gage the situation and how it was going to affect me long-term. Yes, I hurt. Yes, I wish it hadn’t happened. Yes, it wasn’t an overnight fix. But it was a huge motivator in finally showing me that if I was going to truly change this area of my life, I was going to do it despite arrows being flung my way.

You see, you can’t simply walk and grow in life when there are green pastures and blue skies in your life. Yes, those times are welcomed and embraced. Sometimes those times are needed to refuel us and heal us. But we have to decide that we are going to be who we are going to be regardless of what is going on around us. We’ve got to decide that we want to continue to move forward instead of living back in that pit of self-doubt all the time. We’ve got to decide that we want to become healthy enough to know that we are going to mess up, make mistakes, have regrets, and need forgiveness at times without letting it break us. We just need to let those times fuel us towards learning and growing.

I’ve lived life with confidence and without confidence. I want to live with the freedom that God gives me through His strength, love, and joy. I want to keep moving forward in life step-by-step, day by day. I want to get to a point where Satan regrets ever messing with me because he knows I’m wearing my armor and I plan on using it.

So I may have taken a hit in this particular battle, but you can bet that I will be a stronger warrior because of it.


Cyndi said...

Great post Dionna. I think we all struggle with confidence!

Bianca said...

Stuggle with confidence? SO hard... yet SO true.

Glad we're able to connect :)

Dionna said...

Thanks for the "follow" Bianca!


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