Thursday, August 12, 2010

Hoping You'll Like Me


I went into my writing ministry kind of naively. I thought that everyone would know my heart when I wrote. That people would understand and “get” me. I was so wrong.

I love writing and ministering to others. Don’t get me wrong. But there is a dark side to putting your thoughts and feelings out there all of the time. Not everyone sees your heart. In fact, you are judged quite often. I guess that’s the price we pay for being so public, at times.

I find it ironic that for every person who loves what I’ve written and has been encouraged by it, there will be another person who hates it and will have venomous things to say about it. I’ve been lucky in the fact that I have never gotten many hate emails or comments. But others I work with online, have. And in fact, I think the more people discover and like what you have to say – the more it opens up room for others to come in and be mean and hurtful. People feel they have a right to criticize you.

When you write from your heart, as I do, it’s easy to take things personally. People can so easily misinterpret your intent. They can think all sorts of things – that you are conceited and think you are better than them, that you have all sorts of self-esteem issues, or many other things. When simply, you are being open on your journey of life and faith. Sometimes an article simply comes out of a moment. One moment in time. It’s not always an all-encompassing-carry-everywhere-with-you thing!

For me, there is so much that is public about me online. You can find all sorts of articles and networking opportunities where I participate. And yet I’ve found that when I’ve sought out more private and personal venues online, those can get compromised as well. I sometimes understand what a celebrity must feel like. (Not that I’m even coming close to comparing myself to a celebrity!) But for the first time in my life, I think I know a small portion of how they must feel. They give so much of their lives publicly, that they must just want a small reserve somewhere just for them and those they trust. And yet cameras, gossip mags, etc infiltrate those as well and think they have a right to them.

I will say that what we do in private should match up to what we say and how we act in public. But I also believe that we have the right to make mistakes and actually, should be free to make and learn from them just like the rest of the world. Sometimes maybe we write something out of passion and later regret it. Hopefully we learn from those times. In other instances maybe people think we’re a perfect mom if we write about parenting, or that we should be the ideal Christian if we write about our faith all of the time. We are not given the freedom to be human.

So why do we do what we do? I cannot speak for others who write blogs, twitter, or have online websites and ministries. I can only speak for myself. And for me – I do what I do because for this season of my life – I feel like it’s how God is choosing to use me. Whether it’s for others or simply for Him to teach me some things personally – I don’t know. Hopefully, both.

I know that I’ve learned so much since I first began. I’ve learned that what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. And sometimes when you get too pleased with compliments, you are quickly humbled. I’ve learned that if I ever feel too big, Satan can so easily make me feel small. And that nothing comes easily. Things are constantly shifting and changing.

I love people. I always have. They fascinate me. And I’m so thankful that I feel I can do something to inspire others – sometimes from my own hard-earned lessons, other times from my joys.

I can’t own what other people think of me. And that’s hard – but it’s a lesson I’m learning. But, I can’t make others like me or understand my heart, pure intentions, and where I’m coming from. I can only speak what I feel and leave the rest up to God. If anyone can deliver it the right way, He can.

I do hope though – that somewhere along the way, people will decide to like me and remember that I hurt just like they do. I laugh just like they do. And I say the wrong thing and kick myself for wrong words or actions – just – like – they – do. I’m just being human….hoping you’ll see my heart and in the process, it will connect with yours so you’ll know you’re not alone.

2 comments:

Barbie said...

Well, I love you, your blog and what you write. I know that we cannot please everyone that reads. But we don't write for them. We are obedient to the Lord in doing what He's called us to do for this season. I appreciate you!

Dionna said...

Barbie - You are so sweet. Thank you so much for your kind words. :)

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