That kind of mentality can keep you on the straight path. It can keep you from getting into trouble. You can get very hard on yourself for any flaws or mistakes you make in life – for regrets aren’t something you are proud of …or used to.
Yet the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve realized that although being obedient is important (especially when it comes to God’s commands) it can also strangle the freedom out of a life. The creativity can’t always flow when there is so much structure in a heart.
The last few years I’ve been trying to “re-train” myself. I’ve been trying to teach myself how to think outside of the box, dream outside of the norm, color outside of the lines. It’s not an easy task. It’s not easy to tell yourself to go ahead and go against the flow when your personality bent is to do what is expected of you and do it well. No. It’s not easy at all.
But I’ve been learning.
I’ve been learning that to stand out from the crowd can sometimes be lonely, but it can be freeing. You can see things in a different light and you can often go farther down the road because you are willing to try different approaches to things.
God has also been revealing to me how often He didn’t do what was expected of Him. He worked through the “uncommon” – how about a trumpet blast that brings down city walls? Or a boy who kills a giant with a slingshot? No, God didn’t go the “predictable” route.
I don’t want to be a rebel in the way that people often think of. I don’t want to cause harm, think only of myself, be disrespectful, or truant. However, I do want to be a rebel when it comes to society shaping and molding me into a follower. We have this saying in my family when we are at any sort of public event and we see people doing what everyone else is doing when that’s not necessarily the better way. We say, “they’re being sheep.” Just following the masses when the masses could be wrong.
I want to be a rebel when I’m expected to conform. I want to continue to retrain my brain and heart to think outside of the box. Look for new ways to deal with problems and allow myself the freedom to be different. To color outside of the lines when I see a picture that is waiting to be revealed. I don’t want to do and say the right thing because I’m expected to – but because I have the freedom to. And because I choose to.
And sometimes I want to run off of the path into the field because it’s simply more fun. I want to feel the wind blow through my hair and the laughter bubble out of my chest.
God gave me this mind and this heart. I want to use them and feel them to the utmost – with no limits and boundaries placed on them.