It was going to be a great day. I was excited about the prospect of something. Something that I felt was a “God-thing.” It would have been a change, but would have added some energy into my life. Energy I was seeking.
Then just as quickly as the excitement wafted in, it was sucked back out. The “thing” was not to be. Not this time anyways.
It took me all day. All day to try and shake away the disappointment I was feeling inside. The day was beautiful. Nothing else went wrong and in fact, I enjoyed my time with my kids. Still – this inward “blue” feeling could not be shaken. It stuck with me. Like glue.
I laughed. Still it lurked inside of me. I smiled. Still it lay underneath. I tried to mentally “let it go.” Yet, it remained. Why, I’m not sure. It’s not like the prospect of what I was hoping for was life-altering. At least I didn’t think so. And I’m not quite sure why sometimes it feels as if God is bringing something to the plate just to have us step up to it; then have it pulled out from under us. Just not sure.
But I trust.
I trust in His heart. And I trust in His will.
That trust – that belief – that love – has to be enough to help me shake the blues when they slide in and don’t want to stay temporarily…but rather try to live and reside with me for an extended stay.
They just aren’t welcome.
I have to make a choice to move on. To look for that next brass ring that’s out there. I have to trust that God sometimes moves me from “okay” so that I can instead get “fabulous.” And even if I don’t see it right away, I have to believe that some things just wouldn’t be right for me.
The process of acceptance isn’t always an easy one. Sometimes little things end up to be too big in our hearts and big things can downright take over. But in order to move on, we’ve got to dust off. We have to. For feeling “blue” is a time-stealer. A life-stealer. A dream-stealer.
It’s okay to be disappointed. Even frustrated or confused. But we need to realize when it’s time to tell them to get lost so that we can look for what it is that God wants us to see – to do – and to be for Him. I think if we do, we will see in hindsight just why plans were laid out the way they were. And we’ll understand why we were pricked the way we were. It will be like giving birth to a baby. The pain will be all worth it. The long nights worth it. The feeling like you’ll never get there. ALL WORTH IT.
At least that’s what I’m believing.