Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bringing Attentiveness Back To a Marriage




Those little details. They get lost over the years in a marriage.  I noticed that recently.

When you date and when you first get married, so much attention is paid to the details. It’s easy to be selfless. Generous.

You go out of your way to do things for the person you love.  You pick up for them without complaint. Bring them a cool drink when they are working hard on a project, make sure you have their favorite snack on hand in the house at all times. You watch what they like to watch on TV and you care for them in an extra special way when they are sick.

Then time ticks on.

Instead of being excited that they call you during the day, you are annoyed that it’s messing with your plans. You no longer pay attention to the tiny details of whether or not they are warm or if you do the things they enjoy. Comfort creeps in. Complacency. Boredom with going the extra mile.  Kids join in on the mix and you are tired.

In the process, a spouse can get very neglected. They long for just one day of a meal fixed in surprise, or takeout brought home on a whim as a treat. They would love the extra little touches that have long since been forgotten.

I love watching new couples in love. They are so tender with each other. So attentive.

I found that when I spend a little extra time in being attentive to my husband…I feel more caring towards him. More loving.  It’s amazing how you can forget the little details like wrapping a blanket around them while they are sleeping so they don’t get cold. Or buying their favorite candy bar and leaving them a note with it.

It’s the little things.

The little things are the easiest to do. And the easiest to forget. But they still matter. In fact, maybe they matter more after being married for 15, 20 years than they ever did at 3 years. Things aren’t new any more. They aren’t quite as exciting. They are familiar.

Look for ways to be attentive to your spouse this week. Pay attention to the details – the little ways that you can show you love them. I bet you anything, they will notice. And they will feel loved and start acting more loving towards you as well. More attentive to you too.

Marriage should be ever evolving. And it should be exciting and fun. Bring back the tenderness and the care that you had when you began.

Don’t let it slip away again. 

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