When I first became a mom, I knew my heart was irrevocably wrecked the moment I first held my baby. It was all consuming. I’d never felt anything like it.
When they are little and magical – you think nothing will ever change that overwhelming feeling of love you have for them. And when they are toddlers and in the first grades of elementary school, for the most part, you “rock” their world. You are the first person they run to when they are hurt. The one they most want to hold them, and they tell you everything in the world.
Time and growing up change that.
Your child starts running to their room yelling at you in anger because you said “no,” or you caught them doing something they shouldn’t. You don’t become the “favorite” anymore. Instead, your title sometimes is “irritant” or “disciplinarian.” They confide in friends before you.
And it breaks your heart.
But you’ve broken theirs too. All those times you yelled when you didn’t mean to or spanked in anger. Those words said harshly or in a hurry before you could pile them up and put them back in your mouth. You’ve hurt those precious children.
You’ve broken their heart.
Without meaning to, we hurt those we love the most. That’s part of love. It knows no bounds.
Your children will break your heart meaning to, in their most rebellious moments. But they will also break your heart not meaning to. Your heart will be broken when they go off to kindergarten never looking back. It will be broken the night of their first sleepover when they didn’t need to call you. Your heart will be broken when you know they are hurting, yet don’t want to share it with you, or when they leave home for good.
It goes with the territory.
But you think back to those moments – all the good ones. The time you held them for the first time or they said, “mama” before all other words. When they called you from school to come and get them because they needed you or when you held them after their first break-up.
Do you remember?
Do you remember when they wrote you a note, “Just because?” or when they complimented you in front of their peers? How they said, “I love you” from down the hall without prompting from you?
Those are the moments. It is why we do what we do. It is love. It is memories. It is heartbreak.
All of it. Wrapped in one big package. One doesn’t come without the other.
And I wouldn’t change a second. All the heartbreak, heartache, tears, and hurt are worth it. THEY are worth it. For I am investing in another life.