“You have to be okay with yourself first.” That thought flashed across my mind as I was contemplating a difference of opinion I’d shared with a loved one. I was going back over the conversation and the course of events and how – almost always – my heart wants to immediately remedy and “fix” things. How I want everything to be all right and no grievances held between me or anyone else.
Oh, how the years have taught me that that isn’t always possible! I’ve done a lot of “let-going” over the years. Sometimes I have to let go of my pride and my right to see a situation turn out in what I perceive is the “right” way. Sometimes I have to let go of someone else’s perception of me. Both are very hard.
But I’ve been learning.
I’ve been learning that through those “sometime” moments, I have to lay things at God’s feet instead of leaving them in my own hands. I have to release the “me” that tries to crop up and let prayer and fate take its course.
People are not always going to agree with me. Even if I’m right. They aren’t always going to like me. Even if I’m likeable. They aren’t always going to want me. Even if I’m valuable. It’s just the way it is. And I can make peace with that – finally.
Because I’ve been learning to be okay with myself.
If I’m okay with how I act, react, love, speak, and serve for my God – then that needs to be enough. It needs to give me the peace to carry me through the awkward and the uncomfortable. The lonely.
And – if I’m okay with myself, then most of the times, others will be too. Maybe not at first. But eventually.
I can’t give anything to anyone if I’m partly broken myself. If I’m not quite whole. Not quite complete. Not quite ME.
Controversy in my life will come. Disagreements will be many. But if I’m okay with who I am as a person, then I can get through each one knowing I gave my best and did my best.
I can feel peace.