Sometimes I am prompted to do a "heart check-up" on myself. I just observe certain things in myself that need some attention. Have you been there?
Those are important times for me to evaluate where I've placed certain priorities and values and what different allegiances my heart has put a lot of stock into. It's amazing how easy matters can grow and bloom into unhealthy life patterns!
On one of these "heart tune-ups," God brought to my attention some attitudes and thoughts that had taken up residency in my heart. These little visitors had long out-stayed their welcome. In fact, they had taken up too much room causing some extra grumps and frumps in my life. With ease and flair, they'd managed to turn a lot of positives into negatives. It was time for them to go!
I realize that it's easy for me to love and praise my God when things are going well in my life. I can sing of His blessings and His glory. But when things don't measure up to my expectations, it's not so easy. It was during one of these times that I'd allowed those unhealthy attitudes and thought visitors to stay too long in my heart. They were starting to affect me and I didn't like what I saw.
For me, I want to love my God unconditionally. I don't want to love Him just when I get my way.
One of my favorite movie lines is from "Facing the Giants." The main character's wife was told she wasn't pregnant for the "umpteenth" time and she was devastated and faced with the fact that she might never have children. She went out to her car, looked up into the heavens and with tears in her eyes and heart she told God, "I WILL still love you!"
It was a choice.
A powerful one for we can so easily blame God, rebel, or accuse Him when life doesn't meet our demands. When the hardships come and the trials we face grow to be unbearable. We can get resentful and pull away from God when we are hurt deeply and we don't understand the "why's."
Our thoughts and our attitudes are prideful, wounded, and self-centered.
And for me, after my little heart "check-up," all I can say is, "Lord, forgive me. I want my love for you to be unconditional. You don't have to give me all of my heart's desires (even though I would love those blessings, if you did! For I will still love you. I will love you even when I'm hurting. I will love you when I'm frustrated and when I'm disappointed. I will love you through the trials in my life and I will love you even when I'm wondering why. You are my God. You are worthy of my praise. Even through the storms."