There is no timetable for healing. You can’t rush the process of healing.
We are all so different. One person might be in shock over something for awhile, while someone else gets angry immediately and gets it out of their system. Another person may not even register what they are feeling for awhile – their emotions are delayed. They come at another time and place when they are least suspecting it. (And often, with force.)
So, with all the differences of dealing with hurts, losses, tragedies, and grief… who are we to say when the right time is for someone to “get over it?”
I think it’s important that we extend grace to one another. None of us sits in someone else’s shoes – or heart, for that matter. We can’t force someone to stop thinking about a loved one, to think LONGER about a loved one, or to not have ‘after-effects’ that last years or longer from something tragic in their lives. For we all register big hurts and losses on different scales. That doesn’t mean that one person cares more than another, just that we sift through those feelings and deal with them at a different rate and manner.
I believe in always being respectful and gracious. Certain situations and losses in life demand a certain level of respect and honor. That being said, I also believe that it’s important to move on with our lives. It’s vital to keep moving forward and growing as a person. That can be hard to fathom when you’re in the beginning stages of grief or healing. But at some point, there have to be steps taken to keep on living and to live life to the fullest.
We are still here. We survived. And even though we may have hurt in a way that no person should have to – our lives still have meaning. We can turn that pain into something constructive, good, helpful, and generous to someone else who may be a little bit further back on the road that we just came on.
I wish life had less hurts. I wish parents didn’t lose babies or children. I wish no one ever had to make the decision to “pull the plug” on someone who lay in a coma. I wish no person was ever abused, raped, bullied, or kidnapped. There is a great deal of evil out there. A great deal that is unfair.
We will ALL go through hurts in life. None of us escapes unscathed. So we should all understand what it feels like to be hurting. To shed tears and to feel great pain. We can use that understanding to offer love to one another and give each other the freedom to work through their suffering on their timetable – and at their comfortable pace.
As long as someone IS working through whatever that awful “IT” is, that’s all that matters. Love them and be there for them.
Even if it takes years.