Something hurt my feelings the other day.
I struggled with the knowledge that things and efforts I do – are not coming across to someone else. And it hurt.
It hurts to know that you aren’t admired – even if you want to be.
It hurts to know that you aren’t respected – even if you give respect.
It hurts to know that all the time and hours you have put into doing things – has gone unnoticed and unappreciated.
I certainly have a great deal of flaws. I can be lazy at times. I can procrastinate things I really don’t want to do. I can get very distracted when my emotions are tied up into someone else’s pain.
But I’ve always tried to be my best.
I have tried to keep a clean house. Be wise with my money. Be responsible.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve been learning in the past couple of years is that sometimes you have to let someone else’s perception of you go. Even when they think wrongly of you. And that is a tough lesson. A hard one, for sure.
I’m working on it.
I know I’m not perfect. I continue to strive to better myself. I continue to grow as a wife, a mother, and a woman. I probably will continue to emotionally grow until the day I die. I will probably always fall short in someone’s book. But as I was thinking on this – I thought, maybe that would be ok, if but for one thing.
If despite my shortcomings, they still said, she “loved well.”
I want those who God has placed into my life to know I loved them with every inch of my being. And that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Loving IS a joy to me. Cleaning may not be a joy – but loving, sure is. It’s what I’m made to do.
So maybe my efforts on certain things don’t come through to others. And maybe that stings my heart. But maybe it has to be ok – if they still see the love in my heart. The care that I have for them.
That is my hope and desire. I want others to love being loved by me. And hopefully, that will gain their love for me in return. Even if I fall short in so many other areas – may I rise above in the one that mattered the most.