I know who I am.
What if I know who I am, someone else should, but doesn’t seem to?
I am not perfect. I know that. I know I unintentionally hurt others’ feelings….as we all do. But I give so much. I cannot even talk about all the ways I give of my time, to help others. Why? Because I never want someone else to feel like they are a burden. And, because it’s what I love to do.
But someone always suffers. I cannot be everywhere. I cannot do everything. I cannot be present for each person I love in my life. There is always a sacrifice. Sometimes it’s my husband. Sometimes, my children have to wait. Sometimes it’s a friend, a beloved relative….. I am only one person.
I am in the unique position where people come to me from time to time for advice, support, and just love. One of my favorite things in the world is to love on people! But in the process, I get behind in life on the things I don’t enjoy quite as much. You know, the things like laundry, dusting, making appointments, cleaning off my desk.
My mind gets full as my heart gets full. And I sometimes forget who, I tell what.
Beth Moore once said that God gave her a prescription for deliverance from being so exhausted and trying to be all to all people. She said God told her to, “Do what I tell you to do. Nothing more and nothing less. No matter who disapproves.”
I have followed that advice. And although in one sense, it gives me freedom to pursue the things I believe God has placed on my heart, on the other hand, I still grieve over always seemingly disappointing somebody.
I have always been transparent. I’ve always been honest. I’ve always loved with abandon. And if people who’ve been around me for any length of time don’t get that at this juncture of my life….well…. that grieves me. But I have to keep moving on with the calling I believe God currently has for me.
God did not leave us here to cater to the “found” or those who are whole. He left us here, to minister to the lost and those who are broken. That has always been my passion. And I cannot always tell those in my life that I’m talking to someone who is struggling with alcoholism. Or someone who is contemplating suicide. I can’t talk about how my time was spent that day, giving hope to a mom whose child became cross-gender. Or someone who needed a little encouragement for their marriage.
But I shouldn’t have to tell those I love where all my time goes.
I know who I am. I wish everyone I crossed paths with, did too. But I can’t constantly remind and reassure people of who I am, and what I’m about. They either know it – or they don’t.
Does that knowledge pain me? Ohhh, yes. Yes, it does. I carry it with me minute by minute. But ultimately, I am accountable to my precious Lord and Savior. I am accountable to Him, for my obedience, honesty, kindness, integrity, patience, forgiveness, and grace. I try to prioritize and encompass all of these things in my life.
What I do in life may not seem important to someone else. But it’s important to that person who gets a little bit of hope, encouragement, and love because of the time I invest.
So I will keep doing it. I will keep being me. Even with the thorns that prick my heart from those who try to limit me.
For it’s only in HIM and HIS expectations that I find freedom. And I’m so thankful that God never places strings on our relationship.
He just encourages me to fly.