Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Alone With My Thoughts

I’m frustrated. Sometimes it feels as if certain things will never change. And that frustrates me! I get so tired of certain issues. Do you know what I’m feeling?

I can’t figure out if it’s Satan trying to push my buttons; knowing I may be vulnerable in a particular area…. Or if it’s God sifting and molding me because I haven’t learned whatever it is that He wants me to learn yet. On the other hand, it could be neither one of these options and the “issue” could have nothing to do with me but everything to do with someone else. In which case, that makes it all the more frustrating because then I’m either an object lesson for them, or I’m along for the ride in case they need my support or a helping hand along the way. And sometimes I just don’t want to be a helping hand – ya know?

Those are my human feelings, anyways. Those are the feelings I have at night when I’m weary and I’m alone with my own thoughts. Those are the true, genuine thoughts that fleetingly pass through my mind. When I’m weak, and weary.

We all have those times. Thank heavens we are given fresh starts every day. Fresh starts to think clearly; have a better attitude and start over with a new focus. I’m so thankful for that. I’m thankful that God doesn’t get mad at me when I’m low and have the “less-than-honorable” feelings and thoughts. I’m thankful that He somehow has an amazing way of recharging my battery and renewing my drive when a new dawn arrives the next morning. It’s amazing how He can do that for me! But I know I have to be careful. I don’t want to wear out my welcome or take Him for granted. I don’t want to ruin something majestic that He might be planning in the middle of my “storm.” So I ride it out – letting the wind batter against me at times and sting my face.

We all go through “stuff.” All of us. No one is more special than another to have the EXCEPTIONALLY more difficult person or situation in his or her life. We all weather the bad together. Sure, not all of us face it at the same time – but we all face it at ONE time or another.

I’m frustrated today. But tomorrow it may be someone else’s turn to be frustrated. Heaven help me, if I’m the cause! So I get on my knees and I ask God to help me through. I ask Him to help my attitude, lighten my heart, and lift my spirits. I ask Him to give me the strength to say the right words, do the right thing, and look at things through His eyes. Only then, maybe, just maybe, I’ll see what He sees and everything will be clear.

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