Tuesday, June 7, 2011

You Can't Make People Value You

You can’t make people value you. I’ve tried.

I’ve tried to give them things, love them with all of my heart and be there to help out whenever and wherever.  Somehow – with some people, certain things are just lost in the translation.

I think it’s because they are viewing things with a heart that is “me” focused. When I say that, I’m not necessarily saying that they are unkind people. Merely they are people who have a circle created around their world and they have not learned (or have not been taught) how to open that circle to include others.

Usually, their life is focused on what they are going through or feeling. So you can give them everything under the sun – but they will still not see the value in who you are as a person, or how much you could mean to them. It’s just not gonna happen.

So what do you do?

Well, for me, I pull back. I still love them. I still maintain integrity in all of my dealings with them. I want to be honorable in all I do. But I pull back. I don’t invest my heart in someone who it is not safe with and I don’t invest my time in someone who does not appreciate it.  If these people mean something to me, then I pray for them. I love them, but in order to protect the emotional health of my own life – I pull back. I let them discover (in God’s timing – if He so wills it) that I am someone that could be a dear, cherished person in their heart and life. But that is something that they have to decide and choose. I can’t do it for them by buying them, hoping it for them, or simply being extra good to them.

It’s sad.

It’s sad that some people just simply overlook, ignore, or fail to see what’s right in front of them. But it’s life.

Most people have some sort of relationship in their life that fits within these certain dynamics.

Relationships and friendships are messy. They bring deep joy and great pain. They support you in life’s toughest moments and they let you down as well.

We are human.

It never feels good to be taken advantage of. To be taken for granted. It’s not fun to feel like others always assume you’re “okay” with things. But it’s life.

If you’re in one of these relationships, don’t give up. Don’t bail out. Just pull back and let God do the work that needs to be done in their lives (and sometimes your own.)

Let Him nurture and protect your heart and soul, while prodding and pricking another’s.


{LyndsD} said...

Such true words. Words I needed to be reminded of with relationships in my life right now. Thank you!! I love you!

Anonymous said...


You don't know me but I just have to say I absolutely love your blog. A friend of mine told me about it and I feel like everything you write is for me. Especially with this post, this is totally me. I have been struggling with this for about 2 years with a friend that I love dearly and we use to be so close but now I feel as though she doesn't value me at all and I have done all the things you mentioned about buy things, loving with my whole heart but it's just not working. So I am going to take your advice and pull back and pray and hope things work out. Thank you so much for your words!

Dionna said...

Lynds -
I'm glad God could use my post to encourage you right now. I love you too. :)

Anonymous -
I'm so thankful for your friend for directing you to my blog. And I'm extra glad that you took a moment to step out of the shadows and comment. The comments I get on my blog truly encourage me and help me know if I'm reaching anyone with my words at all.

It's interesting how nervous I was to post this blog. And how often God uses the posts I am most nervous about, to touch people. Your words have truly encouraged me and helped me see that I need to continue to let God use me through my transparency.

I am so sorry for the disapointment and hurt you have experienced in your friendship. Sometimes God removes people from our lives for a reason - even if it leaves us lonely or hurt in the process. Pray for this friend. Hopefully she will miss your influence and friendship in your life. If not, I pray God will bring someone new into your home and life that can be so special. But know that whatever happens, you are valuable and loveable.

Hugs -

Mukta said...

What you have written Dionna is amazing! I have no words but its like you peeped into my heart and made me read what could be the best given hope.
Thank you and i wish you good luck with everything in life. :)


Dionna said...

Mukta -
Thank you for your comment. I'm so glad this post spoke to your heart. I pray it was an encouragement.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, I needed to read this.

Rebecca Evans said...

Yes! I do the same and plug back. I have to guard my heart! Encouraging post!