I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Once a couple hits
their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s – something changes. WE change.
We’ve lived some of life. We’ve seen what we’ve gotten out
of life and what we still want. Sometimes
we grow disillusioned with our spouses and where we are in our life. We
look out “there” and see what we think are greener pastures.
It can happen so easily. So quickly. We’ve been with our
spouses long enough to know their flaws. To realize how human they are. We see
that they aren’t as perfect as we once thought they were. But then, they see
the same thing in us.
We start hanging out with the girls (or the guys) and we
like the freedom. We like the looks and attention that we might get when we are
out and about in town. So then we start looking at our home life. We take
things and highlight them in our minds making the problems bigger in our hearts
and minds than they otherwise might really be.
We decided we want out. After all, we only have so much life
left and ours just isn’t going in the direction we want it to go.
It breaks my heart.
I’ve witnessed this on many levels with many different
friends. I see the kids struggle and grapple with a parent’s decision. One that
they see is wrong. And I see a
spouse struggle wondering why they weren’t good enough. They feel like a
failure and begin to doubt and struggle with everything about themselves.
Our marriages are
priceless. They are treasures.
When we invest 10 or 20 years into something, it’s worth fighting for.
When we choose to abandon a spouse, a relationship, a LIFE
built together – we choose to abandon part of ourselves. For when we got
married, we became “one.” Part of
who we are is forever wrapped up in the other person.
Marriages have lulls. They have times where neither person
seems to understand the other or communication seems to just be “off.” But
these times are normal. Sometimes even cyclical. You don’t give up on your
child when they are going through a rebellious stage or a rough patch, so why
would you give up on your spouse?
Yourself?
Nothing out “there” is
better than investing, nurturing, and growing what you have at home. Yes,
your spouse may have issues. YOU have issues. You can choose to love someone
through those issues, or in spite of them, and find something richer, deeper,
and more satisfying than any temporary satisfaction you find outside of your
marriage.
Stick it out.
Hang in there. Regrets often come
more from bailing out on a commitment than they ever come from staying the
course.
Your marriage CAN get better. But not if you sail alone. Don’t give up on it or yourself
and you’ll save everyone involved a lot of heartache and grief. For even if you
do find something “better” out there? Trust me, some day you’ll discover they
too have flaws and humanness that can’t be avoided and you’ll be right back
where you started.
The temptation to
step out from your home life is a lie. A trap. Don’t fall for it. Or you
just might find that you’ve ruined not only the lives of very dear people, but
your own as well.
2 comments:
This was a perfect post. Boy oh boy, I have seen it too and am a product of divorce. Great post, might share on facebook page.
Thank you. I pray it helps someone.
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