Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I Want To Believe

When I pray to God, I must admit, that I often fail to believe that what I’m asking or hoping for will really happen. It’s an unflattering flaw in my human soul. The flaw of doubt.

I want to believe.

I want to believe that God will say yes to my request. I want to believe that He will perform that unlikely miracle. I want to believe that my fears won’t come to pass.

That’s why I love the man in the Bible who proclaimed, “Help me with my unbelief!” Because I understand his heart. I understand when everything inside of you wants to believe – and yet you just struggle to do so.

You don’t really believe that God will heal you physically. Yet you ask. You don’t really believe that He will heal the sexual addiction in your marriage or bring your prodigal child home to you. You don’t really believe that that loved one will change. But still, you ask. 

It’s because we WANT to believe. We WANT to hope. We just struggle to find it amidst the pain, the doubt, and the chaos.

Sometimes the only thing I can do is ask God to believe for me. I can lay down on my knees or my face – I can lift my hands up to Him and let Him know that I realize He’s in charge; and that has to be enough for me. But I SO want to believe!

We can, you know……believe.  If we truly want to, God can help us believe. It may take time and some healing or molding of our own heart and soul in the process. It may mean some chipping away at some things or ideals we’ve clung to…but we can believe. We can believe God when we ask the impossible. We can believe in who He is and in what He has promised.

The next time you find yourself struggling with unbelief – ask anyways. Ask for the impossible. Ask for the dream. Ask from your heart and remember that God can help your unbelief and fill in the holes for you until you’re strong enough to look up in confidence and ask for the world on your own.

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