Tuesday, May 26, 2020

You Can't Love the Holes Out of Someone's Life

We all have people in our lives who disappoint us.  It may be our siblings, our spouse, our parents, coworkers, or friends.

Usually, it’s someone we deal with closely. USUALLY, it’s a family member. 

Because we care so much about them, it hurts all the more, when they let us down.

I don’t know what it is, but it feels like for most of us, we feel like we can just “love them better.”  It’s as if we are trying to overcompensate for the holes they have personally in their own character, attitude, and life. We feel like if we just showed them love more often, were more vocal or interactive or… whatever… that the relationship would improve.

If…. “WE” did something better… then “THEY” would no longer disappoint us, fail us, neglect us, or hurt us.

Loving is the greatest gift we can give ANYONE. Grace, mercy, forgiveness.. invaluable. They can heal so many wounds and hurts. But if someone CONTINUALLY hurts and disappoints - nothing WE do, will make up for that.

In fact, if we vow to only try harder, do more, and ignore the fact that some healthy boundaries need to be put up (yes - even in close family relationships) we are only fueling the fact that we will continue to be disappointed, let down, and hurt.

People have to decide for themselves that someone is a priority to them.

We can love to the best of our abilities, but some people will just take advantage of that.

We CANNOT love enough to change someone. Oh, how I wish we could! And I’m not saying to stop loving someone. I am, however, saying there are times where love needs to show different action in the face of habitual behavior.

Sometimes, instead of doing MORE, we need to do LESS. And that is the most loving thing we can do for a relationship.

Sometimes, instead of ignoring an action, or behavior, (and calling it love), we need to call someone on it.

Sometimes, instead of giving, and giving, and giving, and giving - we need to let go. And let God address what needs to be addressed. This can be SO HARD, when you are in close proximity with the person who disappoints you. It can be painful.  But no one can move a heart like God can. No one can get someone to WANT to improve or be a better man or woman, than God can.

We cannot love the inadequacies out of someone else.  We can only simply love. And sometimes that means protecting others in our lives from those very hurtful inadequacies. It means distancing yourself, so that that other individual might gain the space and time to realize they miss you. They want you in their life. And that they’ve taken you for granted.

We allow ourselves to be used. To be taken for granted. All in the name of love.  But love is not weak. It is strong. Yes, it’s patient. Yes, it’s kind. But it’s also long-suffering and it has self-control. Those two qualities might have to come in the form of saying, “enough, I will not enable you anymore in your unhealthy habits.”

Love is so powerful. It is so beautiful. But it also has great strength. True love for someone else, might mean removing yourself from the equation of filling those unhealthy holes in THEIR life, and letting them continue.

We will continue to be disappointed by people. But we don’t have to continue to place ourselves as a target.

Love. Love well. But know when to love well by saying, “I won’t be your excuse for not changing anymore.”

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Love Is Everything


Think about it. It’s everywhere.

It’s in the tears that fall from someone’s eyes when we have hurt them, or when they are so burdened for another; that they bring them to the Lord in prayer - over and over and over again. It’s in the tears that fall when that someone dies, or gets hurt.

Love is in the unspoken things that are done for each other. Things like buying our spouse’s favorite brand of cereal or chips.

Ironing their shirt. 

Love is in the music that grips our heart because it reminds us of a certain time and place - shared with someone close to our heart. And it exists in every beat.

It’s in the smells that remind us of a meal lovingly made for us, when we were growing up. It’s in the scent of the cologne or perfume, that lingered long after we were hugged.  

Love is in so many things. The clean sheets and blankets our mama tucked us into, at bed at night. The handwritten note we kept in our closet for years. The dried flower left over from that special occasion. The awkward knick-knack our child gave us when they were a toddler.

It’s all around us. It’s in us. Beside us. In front of us and behind us.
It’s the greatest gift God has ever given us, and we are capable of heaping it into the hearts and souls of those around us. We can give it again and again. We can grow it. We can BE it.


Love can fuel us, if we let it. I know for me…. it’s what I wake up each morning wanting to feel. What I want to give.

I live for it. I long for it.

To me, love is feeling connected to someone else through a hug, a gift, or a few words of appreciation. It’s seeing the expressions of laughter, adoration, camaraderie, and joy in being together - when you look at a photograph.

I don’t know how people live without knowing the feeling of love in their hearts, and in their life.

A resonating example of love that has always stuck with me - is a video clip I saw of Princess Diana once.  She had been away from her boys, and they were coming to see her after she had just returned. They were running to her, and she stretched open her arms as far as she could. And just waited for them to run into them.

That visual has always stayed with me.

That is how I try to live my life. With arms outstretched. I want those I love to be able to run into them. To feel my love. To know my love. 

And - because my Lord and Savior is love…I feel HIM when I’m either giving or receiving it. And it’s the greatest feeling in the world. 

I never want to live outside of that feeling.

I want to be known for my love. Not just for my family (but OH YES, I want my GREAT love to be known for my family.) But, I also want to be known for my great love for my Lord. 

For my country. 

For the hurting, the lost, the forgotten, and the ill.

You see…love IS. 

Love WAS. 

And love CAN be.

It’s everything.

Reach out for it. Give it. 

Embrace it.