Knowing The Right Environment For You

Bloom where you’re planted. Such a popular phrase.

But I don’t think that phrase is necessarily the best phrase or motto for us to live our lives by.

We went to Curacou on a vacation. Our guide took us to the local distillery where they made a famous drink - the “Blue Curacou.” Even though we told him we didn’t drink, we were curious to learn about the property and history. 

Our guide came upon a couple orange trees, which the drink is based on. He showed us how the oranges were fully ripe and ready - yet completely green. He shared with us how they were transplanted to Curacou but because it was a different environment - they never turned orange. And in fact, he pointed out how the trees also had grown thorns on them in response to the different environment. 

They just didn’t taste the same. They didn’t grow the same. They didn’t look the same.

And this is where I come back to “bloom where you’re planted.”

Those oranges were trying to grown and bloom. But they weren’t in the right environment. They weren’t where they could fully flourish. 

And that’s why I don’t necessarily like that phrase. 

Yes, I believe sometimes we need to make the best of our situations. We need to be the best we can in the environment we are placed in. But I also believe that we may not be all that we are intended to be in situations and circumstances we weren’t mean to be in. 

It’s kind of like the saying “when things are uncomfortable, that’s when you grow.” And I’m like…”Who says?” Growth is a choice. In comfort or when uncomforted.

So sometimes, we DO need to look at where we are. We DO need to look at making a change. We DO need to get rid of stressors, we need to put in place some boundaries, slow down, make changes, or move.

Because we are not in the right environment where we can bloom.

We don’t always have a choice where we’re planted. When that happens we may become different than we were normally meant to be. But good things can still come out of those times. 

When we can try to align our home base to an environment that calms us, brings us joy, and is conducive to the way we live and breathe? That’s when we can really flourish.

“The joy of the Lord is our strength.” Joy does come by choice - and it also comes with wisdom and discernment in knowing where to be.

The Unexpected

The unexpected. 

Time and time again we are unprepared. We plod through life unready to face the curveballs that come our way.

You’d think after a few of them that we’d be on the lookout. That we’d know they are coming. If not today… tomorrow. You’d think we’d have more strength in our spine to face them.

And yet we are so predictable. 

We are usually astonished. Bewildered. And caught off guard by the “unexpected.” 

Whether it’s our health, or the health of a dear loved one. 

Whether it’s a change of life circumstances that derails our dreams and plans, or something else - the “unexpected” usually has one common factor - it does indeed - derail our own agenda.

With one flourishing swoop. 

And we grieve. 

Sometimes internally. Sometimes externally. 

We wail about the unfairness of it all.

And it IS usually unfair. But isn’t that life? 

Why should we be spared hardship and all of it fall upon another? Why should we be allowed to stiffen our necks and rely only on ourselves because we’ve got no reason to lean on anyone else? No reason to lean on God?

Ahh - God.  That word alone causes bitterness. Because of course, He usually gets all the blame. 

We blame God for our hardships. We blame Him for pretty much everything unfair and unexpected. Everything HARD.

And yet we rarely bless Him for the good. For the joys. The blessings. The graces upon graces and mercy that has been shown to us countless times. The times we were spared consequences. Spared gut-wrenching blows …that…we…really…deserved.

But we blame God because He didn’t say “yes” to our prayers. He didn’t seem good to us. Didn’t seem fair to us. He didn’t grant our wishes.

How entitled we are.

How selfish.

God IS faithful. Even if He doesn’t spare our loved one from pain or death. 

God IS good. Even if we get hurt.

I know it. I feel it.

He’s promised it.

The answer can’t always be ‘yes.’ As hard as that is to hear.

We can’t always get our way.

The unexpected will continue to come. And we can learn from it. Grow through it. Be wiser from it. Love greater out of it.

Or we can harden our hearts.

The choice is ours.

Why Do We Try So Hard To Hide the "Ugly"

Why?

Why is it when someone commits suicide that no one mentions what happened? Everyone wonders. They inquire. And we seem so eloquent in our choice of wording. 

Why is it when someone dies from cancer we don’t want to show them with no hair? Everyone knows they lost it. They know what happened. 

Why do we try to act like everything is fine when someone we love ends up arrested or in jail? 

I just wonder why we try so hard to hide the bad things. Why we try to cover up what we deem “ugly.” 

News travels. News is discovered. News and pictures are found on the Internet, on the news, shared from friend to friend. Talked about amongst family. It is uncovered. Almost always. Sometimes right away. Sometimes over years.  But still… it is usually unearthed.

Our efforts were in vain.

I don’t think God looks at what we see as bad or ugly quite the same way. I think he often finds our molding, shaping, chiseling, and sifting times as beautiful. He is teaching us. Using us. 

We are often selfish people. We want to keep our reputations and image spotless. And yet that is not “real.” 

We are not truly community if we can’t embrace one another in the highs and lows of life. We can’t walk alongside of each other, grieve, love on, support or help unless we let everything sit out in the open. For aren’t we here to learn, grow, and help each other be better? How can we do that if everyone acts like they are already “better?”

We try to mask what others already see. What they instinctually know. For what? For ourselves, usually. For those who truly love us don’t care. They won’t leave. They won’t judge. 

So I again ask…what is it all for? What do our efforts bring about but temporary comfort?

Be real! Be free. Let others see the struggle, so that they too can be free to struggle. Let them see the heartache. So they too, can cry. Let them see the pain. So that they can see that there is beauty to be found in it. 

Let them see. 

Let them love. 

Not Everything Is Equal

 

We seem to live in a time in life where everyone wants things to be “equal.” Whether or not someone’s efforts are excellent, people seem to want to achieve the same level as someone who has given sweat and soul day in and day out to get to where they are.

I was the little sister. I got a lot of hand-me-downs growing up. I didn’t always get “new.” But that’s what happens to siblings who come after the first-born. Should our parents not be wise with their finances and discard perfectly good items just because we want what our eldest sibling had? 

No. Life is not fair. It is not equal.

The youngest sibling often has more relaxed standards in the family because the parents “learned” that thing would be okay if they adjusted and picked their battles. This is something the oldest sibling often has to learn the hard way and with more responsibility on their shoulders.

It’s not wrong. It’s just not equal.

And that’s the way it should be in society and in our lives.

Race, religion, the sexes - none of that should play as great a role as “are you qualified?” “Are you excellent in your work?” “Are you honest?” “Have you worked for it?” 

Not everything is equal. 

But it still can be good. Because the people that deserve to be promoted, should get promoted. The people who deserve to be heard over the airwaves, are heard. The people who deserve to get benefits, get them.

We need to have something to hope for. Work for. Believe in.  THAT is what makes us grow. THAT is what makes us better.

Well-Meaning Words

"God's timing is perfect." We hear this saying a lot from well-meaning friends.  

There are times when frustration happens in our lives. We unload on someone close to us, or share the burdens of our heart and we are met with, "You know, God's timing is perfect." 

And it is. Oh, how it is. 

God is never early and He is never late.

But I can't help but think that these words can almost come off as uncaring, if we aren't careful in our delivery of them, and our timing of them.

I know for me, I am very well aware that God's timing is perfect. I trust in that and I am thankful for that. But sometimes, I don't need to hear them tossed back my way. I'd rather someone let me know they are sorry for what I'm going through, that they understand, or some other encouraging, heartfelt, meaningful words. So that I know they CARE.

I get it. It doesn't mean someone doesn't care if they say, "you know - God's timing is always perfect." But if that's ALL they say? To me, that comes off a little... well... uncaring. 

What people need most in those moments is someone THERE in the moment with them. They mostly need to feel heard. And when platitudes are given, it can almost feel like we are a burden to someone else. That they are letting us know we aren't trusting in God enough, aren't patient enough, aren't (fill-in-the-blank) ENOUGH. And maybe we aren't. Maybe we will look back and wish we'd handled a certain situation better, stronger, wiser, or calmer. But that's probably a given for most all of us.

When someone trusts you enough with the vulnerabilities of their heart, take pause. It doesn't mean they don't have faith that God will show up. It may simply just mean they need a friend to walk alongside them through it.

So although God's timing IS indeed always, always perfect - maybe we can aim a little closer to "perfecting" our heart's reply to someone in the moment.

Because, maybe, JUST maybe - God's timing? God's timing may be intended to come through us in just the right words at just the right time.

It Means More Than We Can Imagine

Touch.

When we touch each other in a moment of grief, pain, doubt, loss… it means something. It means more than we can imagine.

If you cry alone, you feel alone. But if you cry with someone holding you; their arms around your shoulders.. you may still feel alone, but you KNOW you are not. Whether or not they can understand your fear or pain at what is to come, at what is happening, there is something about that grip of another, that helps.

Rubbing someone’s back - holding their hand - wiping a tear from their face or pulling back their hair - those guesturesj MEAN something. They stand for something.

We are not in this life alone. 

We don’t feel pain alone.

We don’t have to weep… alone.

And whether or not we understand, we all know how it feels to hurt. How it feels to lose. How it feels to be scared.

We can stand by and watch. We can say, “I’m sorry.” We can glibly offer prayers. Or we can be there. We can touch. 

I know I want to be there. To offer what little comfort I can to someone else. To give them strength they may not be able to summon themselves. To offer love.

And I know I want someone there for me. When the tears fall down my face, I want someone to comfort me not just with words - but with the love that comes only from their touching embrace.

We underestimate it. But it is invaluable.

Be there. Love.

Touch. For we are all human. And it’s better to go through the tough moments together….than alone. 

Love Is Not Self-Seeking

 

We put so many unfair expectations on each other.

The pressures and weight we place on each other is too much for someone’s shoulders to bear.

No one can meet the expectations we place on them, all of the time. And even if they meet them some of the time, they probably aren’t genuine. Not if we clearly lay them out before them. No. They are met out of guilt, or to keep some sort of peace in the relationship.

Love does not place expectations on someone else’s plate. 

Yes, there are certain boundaries that need to be upheld in relationships. Certain character qualities, and morals that need to exist for a healthy dynamic. I’m talking more about physical and emotional expectations that are only there to meet some sort of inner need put in place by the person who lays them out before the other.

It’s never fair. Never healthy.

It’s control.

People were meant to be free. Free to feel how they want to feel. Free to run life slowly or fast, depending on their personal bent. Free to express their hearts how they want (or don’t want). Free to be quiet, or outgoing.

We cannot, and should not place expectations on our relationships simply because we are insecure, lonely, depressed, anxious, regretful, or you fill in the blank.

These kinds of expectations damage otherwise healthy and normal relationships. They suck the life out of people. 

Maybe we “wish” things were a little bit differently than they currently are. Okay. But other people aren’t “us.” And we can’t make them “us”. 

Sometimes we rate people on our own scale - not on a scale that is tailored to them. And that is never fair. 

We rate their efforts based on the efforts and energy WE have, not on what they have. We rate their interactions based on the interactions WE prefer, not on what they prefer. We rate their expressions and feelings based on how WE think they should be expressed, not on how God created THEM!

And instead of seeing the beauty in the differences, we strangle the life out of a relationship because it doesn’t fit into a mold of where we think it should be.

That’s never love. 

It’s time we love people as they are, WHERE they are. Pray for God to fill in any holes in their lives that need filling, as well as working on our own hearts to be His servants and love others wholly in spite of it all. 

Never placing demands, complaints, regrets, or disappointments onto someone else’s heart.

Love is not self-seeking.

It’s good to remember that.

If we can just let our relationships exist with all their intricacies, we can find joy in learning and sharing life with another human being who adds to our life in ways we hadn’t considered on our own.

This world has enough stress and pressures without us putting it onto each other.