What Do You Want Your Life To Be About?

I sometimes think about how I will think or feel when I’m in my 80’s.  Will I be in a retirement home, or still living in my house? Will I be fairly healthy and active still, or will I be in a wheelchair? Will loved ones visit me often, or will I feel all alone? 

Mostly, I think about how I will reflect on my life. Will I have loads of regrets on how I spent my time, or will I have great stories to share, and more ones taking place?

I want my life to be about something that matters. I don’t want to live to be a mature adult, and look back and see that I wasted it. That I focused on things that didn’t really matter. When I’m in my 80’s – I’m guessing that how well I tended a garden, or how many books I read won’t matter very much. Those are great hobbies – but they don’t impact lives. And that’s what I want to do.

I want to know that my children and grandchildren value me, because of the time I invested into them. 

I want to know that I tried to help as many people as I could. 

I want to feel content knowing that I gave “my” time to God, and let Him handle the scheduling. I don’t want to look back and see that I was busy with time wasting things…but rather God-causes. 

I want to see that I made a difference in the lives of those around me.

I think everyone wants their lives to matter. The hard part is not getting distracted by other things. Jobs, social commitments, hobbies, finances, illnesses, and other stresses in our day-to-day life, can so easily consume all of our time. They can consume all of our minds, as well. But, we may fail to see that in the process, they are pulling us away from a destiny and purpose that God may have in mind for us.

Look at your normal weekly schedule. What is it full of? Is that just a season or phase in life, or has it been that way for a few years now? If it has, maybe it’s time for a change.

It’s so easy to get comfortable with the way things are – but often times we get so comfortable that we aren’t fulfilling the call that God has for us! We either overlook it, avoid it, or ignore it. And it’s far too easy to do, when that call may scare you.

We only get one chance at this thing called life. We only have this one shot in life to matter – to make our lives count. If your heart is being pulled for the orphans in another country, do something about it! If you wish you could be a part of something larger than yourself, stop wishing and do something about it! God gave you that desire for a reason.

What do you want your life to be about? 

When you’re getting older in your years and you look back on your life – will you have made it an adventurous story by thrusting yourself into the opportunities that were presented to you? Or will you simply sit by quietly in a chair, and wish you’d done more, seen more, and experienced more? 

Ask God today to show you and lead you where He wants you. Ask Him to help you make the most of your life.

 I promise you – He will.

Sometimes, Something Needs Changing

There are times in life where we are presented with opportunities to become better people. Maybe something happened and we were really embarrassed that someone found out something about us, or we were quick to defend our actions.  

There are times where we want to slither out quietly from a room and hide, or we have to go into “explain” mode before someone even questions our motives or intent.

Red flags. All of them.

Not one of us is able to go through life without being presented with an opportunity to take a hard look at ourselves. Maybe we have gotten too brazen with our speech, we have become critical, we judge too quickly without knowing facts, we too easily keep our mouths shut when we need to speak up….. the list goes on and on and on.

Actions.

Attitudes.

Accountability.

We can become careless. Sloppy. Unaware that we’ve let a part of ourselves grow into something that we don’t want to be known of us.

Not too long ago, I was attending an event with my husband and daughter.  In front of us was a family with a huge group of adopted or foster kids. I mean, like 10 kids.  They were standing up and down. Going back and forth. Constantly. We hadn’t been there an hour, when I, (who was sitting on the end), was already tired of having to stand up, or scoot to the side, so they could get past me to walk down the stairs. 

It was a real distraction from the event we came to see.

After stifling some heavy-duty sighs on my part, and a face that was showing increasing irritation; one child came by me and climbed over my legs without waiting for me to move.  I turned and exclaimed to my daughter and husband - “They didn’t even wait for me to move that time!” 

My daughter, in hushed tones, said, “Mom, you said that really loudly.” To which, the father in front of us, turned around and addressed us. 

Yep. He’d heard. 

Consider me mortified. 

Horrified. 

I was not trying to be rude. My patience simply wore out. Thankfully, he was gracious about the whole thing. And believe me, he so easily could not have been! He said the kids could go out another way, and he recognized that they had a hard time sitting still.

Regardless, my daughter and husband were still embarrassed. And I was embarrassed. 

It gave me pause. Pause to consider how I could’ve handled the situation differently.

I cannot control other people. And other people will indeed bother me and irritate me from time to time. But what does my attitude, my actions, and my speech say about ME?

That was something for me to think about.

It was a wake-up call for me. A time to look at how I might need to do some work on my own heart, and not let my speech get out of hand. For I’d gone near the edge a few times, and lucked out. This time, I didn’t. Someone heard me. And even though I didn’t say any swear words or anything, it still brought embarrassment to my family… and to myself.

We all have things we can work on. And we all get those “red flags” in our life. Maybe we get it when we realize we’re getting too impatient at the grocery store, in the gas line, or out on the road. Maybe we need to fix something in our hearts and our actions where it concerns our neighbors.  

It happens to all of us. Sometimes, we just need to change ourselves a little bit. Fix and stitch a little “something” that needs fixing and stitching.  

Will you see those moments when they come? Will you love yourself enough to be the best you, you can be?

I hope so.

I Have To Be Enough For ME

I was having one of those afternoons. One of those times of reflection where I was frustrated.  I was frustrated because I didn’t feel like I was enough for someone. I was loving them and my love, wasn’t enough. 

I guess their expectations were higher than I could give. 

I’m sure you understand. I’m sure you’ve felt that way sometime too. Yes?

I was “stewing” over things, talking and re-talking to myself. How had I come across? How had I handled things? 

It grieved me. Truly. It grieved me for two reasons.

1)I didn’t feel like I was free to love how I was gifted to love. I felt like it was always demanded of me to be MORE.

2)  I grieved, because I knew that my love was not coming across and that it was also hurting this other person. I grieved, because I felt that THEY grieved.

And there was not a lot I could do about it.

Sometimes, there are just communication barriers. You can talk till you are “blue” in the face. You can try to phrase things differently. You can be who THEY want, once in awhile (but then you are unhappy because you are not being true to yourself.) 

No…. Sometimes there are just communication barriers and there will always BE communication barriers in this relationship.

It sucks. Let’s just say it as it is, ok?

As I was talking and re-talking to myself, I realized that even though I would continue to TRY with this person, that I could not ever be enough for them. NO ONE, can fill every hole and spot, in someone else.

I realized that I have to be enough for ME. 

Being enough for me, means that I have to love with all I have. I have to forgive. I have to remain compassionate and try to put myself in their shoes. But I also have to put up boundaries. I have to remain true to myself. I have to let some things go. Some things remain unsaid.

Relationships are such a web. They are a web of emotions, expectations, history, dreams, memories, and so much more. We would do ourselves so many favors if we could purge all the “extras” that we place on relationships, and simply accept them as they come!

But, we don’t.

So, we sit in moments like the one I had that afternoon. And we think. And we re-think. And we let a small tear fall down our face over what “isn’t.” And then, I hope like me, you will straighten your shoulders and lift your head. Not in defiance, but in peace. In understanding.  Know you did enough. Even if someone else doesn’t see that. 

Be enough for YOU. 

And let that be the final word.

How Can I Feel God's Presence, If I Don't Offer Up Mine?

Lately, I have noticed something missing from my life. Something missing from my heart. From my spiritual walk with the Lord.

I do devotionals. I listen to Christian music. I talk and share with Christian friends. I read Christian books, quotes, and Bible Studies.  I listen to Christian speakers on podcast. I go to church.

Yet - still - something missing.

I have felt… ‘dry.’  I have craved hearing God’s voice. I have craved wanting to feel His presence in my life.

For me, I pinpointed an area in my life that was missing. Despite all I was doing, all I was trying to live and BE for the Lord - I was missing out on actually reading His Word. For myself.

It’s easy to get ‘snippets’ of Scripture. Let’s face it, we are a “read it in 5 minutes and be done” kind of culture. But it had been a long time for me, since I had actually just pulled out a chapter of the Bible, read it, digested it, pondered on it, and let it speak to my heart.

The key. It was the key to what had been missing.

How can I expect to hear God’s voice when I don’t take the time to read what He has to say to me? 

How can I feel His presence, if I don’t offer up mine?

Christian music is fantastic.

Devotionals are wonderful and they help us prioritize and focus on areas of our lives. But, reading God’s Word? Irreplaceable.

My hunger - my cravings for the Lord - have led me right to what I need the most. Him!  Him through His words.

Nothing can replace the Bible. Nothing. 

And it is so easy to be fed bites of God through all these other means, without really getting full on Him. We go through the motions, but we still can’t put our finger on what we are missing.

Well, now I can. 

I’ve been filling up on appetizers, when I should have been filling up on the main course…. His Holy Word.

I pray I will continue to not get enough. Because I want to continue to crave - to continue to seek - and to continue to grab His Word. 

I don’t want to stop wanting. For it led me straight to Him….. which is exactly where I need to be. 

Sometimes We Just Need a Little Push

Some of us are very blessed. We just live, “blessed” lives. We have homes that we feel so “at home” in, children who we adore and love to hang around (and who enjoy us as well!), marriages that are vibrant and thriving…. Do you feel ready to throw up yet? No one has it that perfect do they? Well, yes, sometimes it seems that way. Some of us are just…… very…… blessed. 

We know we are blessed and we can feel thrilled about it all. So thrilled in our “blessedness,” that we get too comfortable with where we are sitting. 

Our lives are comfortable with us, and we are comfortable with them. 

What happens then, when we realize that we may be comfortable with where we are at, but God is not?

Sometimes I think we’re taken unawares by God because we so easily forget that it is HE that is in charge of our lives – not us. Even if we may feel like we are running them just fine, on our own. 

God has a purpose for our lives and at times; He needs to give us a gentle push to let us know that He feels its time to move us along to something else. To something new. In these cases, I’ve found that we can either go willingly as God directs, or we can fight Him on it. In which case, He can force us to move along – which is much more painful and uncomfortable!

It’s not that we’ve done something wrong, or that God is disciplining us when He sees fit to throw a curveball into our otherwise neat plan of a life. We can all get complacent. And being “blessed” is not wrong or bad. It may just be, that He has some special things to show us.  It may just mean, that He sees our potential and delights in growing us to become stronger, wiser, or more pliable in His hands.  I liken it to when you see a really smart kid start to coast in the classroom because the work is too easy for them. They need to go to the next level or they may never reach their full potential – as do we at times.

While I often find myself complaining when I think God wants to stretch my character or do hard things in my life, I think it’s truly an honor to be felt “worthy of the call” in His eyes. I think if left untouched, I would regret not learning and seeing the deeper truths and closeness that only He can give me. And to be honest, sometimes God just asks more of us for His reasons alone. I may never know the “why.” 

I think God wants me to try and see what He sees…. Not just in my life but in the life of those around me and in the life that He’s personally created for me. I can’t do that if I sit “comfortably” in my well-oiled, self-run life.

If you are one of the “blessed” that God has chosen to recently “shake up” – don’t fear and don’t despair. He loves you! He holds you, and your agenda safely in His hands. He knows what you value, and what matters deeply to you. The risks that He might ask of you, (or me), may bring more to your life than your comfort ever could.  So step forward with great faith, and trust. 

I promise you won’t fall. In fact, you just may soar on those new wings He has chosen to unveil to you. And you will be blessed, beyond measure. 

My Year of Surgeries

2018 has barely begun and I’ve already faced my first surgery…. An umbilical hernia. I got it when I gave birth to my first daughter, but it wasn’t a problem until this year. I jokingly told her, ‘“You DID this to me!”

I am facing another surgery in the spring. Jaw surgery. 

I am calling this, ‘The year of Dionna.’  And when I say that, I don’t mean that in a celebratory way. I mean it, in a “everything is going to happen to me this year” kind of way.

I don’t welcome it.  But I’ve been preparing myself to face it. I am ready to tackle it head-on.

Sometimes, we just can’t run from things. And believe me, I ran from getting braces and facing jaw surgery for years. YEARS. It didn’t help. It only prolonged the inevitable.

I am not one to hide. I’m not one to pretend.

Am I scared? Yes.

Can my mind run rampant with all the things that can go wrong? If I don’t stay intentional with my thoughts… yes.

Am I optimistic? Also, yes. I’m ready for some issues to be remedied. Fixed. I have lived with them pretty well. But I’d like to not just “live with them” but live WITHOUT them.

I am always thinking about these things. The upcoming surgery is always in the back of my mind. But I am asking God for HIs perfect plan to unfold through all of this. A skilled surgeon. A recovery that is smooth. Peace of mind. Rest. Encouragement. 

Won’t you keep me in your prayers? I hear jaw surgery recovery can be pretty tough. And I will be traveling a few hours away for mine.  As it draws closer, I will need courage, wisdom, discernment, and peace.

And hopefully, when the end of 2018 comes around, I will feel so blessed for all God has done for me through ‘the year of Dionna.’ May I be better, stronger, wiser, and humbled for how His plan triumphed over my own. 

That's Not How Other People See You

Sometimes, when I’m looking in the mirror….. all I can see is the extra weight in my face. The tired eyes, or the chipped nails.

I see the flaws.  The things I’ve neglected or the things that need fixing.

Sometimes, when I’m with someone else - they explain how they’ve gained weight. They point out the pimple on their nose, or the stain on their shirt. They, like me, see the flaws in themselves and assume, that I see them too. Not only do they assume I see them too, they assume that might be ALL I see.

Am I right?

But often, I never saw their flaw at all. I didn’t notice the weight gain or the pimple.  Instead, I saw the laugh lines on their face that made them sooo approachable. It made me want to share my heart with them.  I saw the smile on their face that made me feel like they enjoyed my company.  

I saw the good. I saw the part of them that they overlooked.

We know we all have flaws. But what we might not know, is that we are the only ones who see and VALUE them. We put them in a place of importance that no one else does.

We need to understand that other people don’t always see us the way we think they do.  People have an amazing ability to see the good in us! 

We can be so hard on ourselves. We demand things of ourselves in ways that we can never deliver on.

My mom used to tell me, “Put a smile on your face and no one will even notice.” That was very good advice and I’ve remembered it.

So, whatever state you find yourself in today - be a little gracious and merciful to yourself. Put a smile on your face, go out, and be loving.  Be kind. Be generous. Be honest.  And watch how people’s perception and view of you is shaped by who you ARE.

Don’t point out what’s wrong with yourself, for that may not be how other people see you at all. 

Give yourself some credit. And give others credit for what they see in you, too.

We Are the Same

Do you know that we think the same?

Regardless of our age, our color, our successes or failures – we are the same inside.  We all fear rejection. We all want to be handsome or pretty.  We all want to be understood.

We all feel hurt when we are backstabbed. When we are misunderstood. When we are ignored. 

We all feel hunger. We thirst. We all grow tired and weary. We love.

We are the same.  You. And I.

We have common threads that bind each one of us together. Threads that can be understood, resonated with, and felt by each other.

We all know what it feels like to shed tears and to feel heartbreak.

So why do we keep hurting each other? Why do we reject one another and say that someone else isn’t “good enough?” Why do we ignore the needy? The hungry? 

Why do we fail to open our arms to the hurting and broken?

We can give, what we need.

We can offer, what we want.

We just need to open our eyes and see that we are all the same. We are all in this together.

For This Moment......

For this moment I’m going to forget my problems, my battles, and my struggles. I’m just going to smile and be thankful for today.  

For this moment I’m going to focus on joy instead of pain.

For this moment, I’m going to laugh, have fun, and enjoy what I’ve been given.

I spend enough time dwelling on issues that need fixed or changed. I give enough of my mind over to worrying and stressing over what is coming, or what COULD be. But for this moment, I’m just going to think of my blessings and my gifts from God. I’m going to feel His love and let it heal me, let it wrap its warmth around me …for this moment.

I’m going to take in the small things that I often overlook – whether it’s one of my kids wanting and asking for my company,  or my husband smiling at me in adoration. I’m not going to miss the beautiful sunshine that shines in through the window on my face, or the bountiful selection of food that I am fortunate to have in my kitchen.  I’m going to be thankful as well as give thanks for everything I can find.

For this moment, I’m going to laugh, instead of get upset. I’m going to love, instead of hate, and I’m going to live, instead of inwardly die over everything that “isn’t,” “wasn’t,” or “can’t be.”

For this moment I’m going to grow my trust in God, my faith, my peace, and my joy. So that in the next moment I’m stronger, wiser, and better.

And that’s pretty good use of a moment, if you ask me.

It's OK To Be Your "Un-Best"

Image is everything these days. Brand names are powerful. It’s not enough to just “be yourself.” You have to be your BEST self.

It saddens me. It saddens me that we can’t feel comfortable to be our “not-best” selves.

We are afraid to tell anyone that that cute new shirt is second-hand bought.  We tuck away the tags of those bargain shoes. We highlight when we go to Nordstrom’s, but hide the fact that we can only mostly afford Wal-Mart.  

We attend church on Sundays and tell everyone all is “good” in our world. We smile and shake hands.

We only share the highlights on Facebook and instagram. 

And yet we are always caught by surprise when we discover something tragic about someone. We are shocked to see we failed to catch problems in a friend or family member’s life.

All because we all have a habit of only showing each other our “best.”

But it’s ok to be your “un-best.”

It’s okay to open the door with no makeup on.  It’s ok to say “thank you, I got this top at Goodwill.” It’s ok to not have the best brands. It’s not wrong to have the best brands, but it’s ok to not have them. It’s ok to not wear them. It’s ok to not be able to AFFORD them.

It’s ok to have date-night at McDonald’s. It’s ok to show up to church with a tear-stained face. Shouldn’t church be the best place to go when your heart is hurting?

It’s all ok. 

Some people may look at you strangely - but it’s only because they don’t know how to handle authenticity. 

You be YOU. In all of your best AND your “un-best” moments. After all, that’s what makes life full.

We all get sick.  We all cry. We all say something stupid. We all want acceptance.  We’re all afraid of rejection… even the people who can afford Nordstroms every day and then some.

It takes one courageous person to be genuine in their “un-best” moments, for someone else to follow suit. And then another, and another, and another.

It takes one person willing to risk rejection and risk misunderstanding people, to discover the freedom that deep down we are all seeking.

Our “un-best.” Those moments we try to pretend don’t happen. The ones we try to hide. These are the moments that actually make us so relatable to everyone else around us. Because they’ve felt them too.

Be YOU. Be your best and enjoy it when you feel it in all it’s glory.  But also be your “un-best.” Walk out the door in those moments too. Own them. Live them. And tenderly let them shape you.

Image isn’t everything. But authenticity? Authenticity IS.