Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Don't Lose Your Identity In Your Spouse

When you are first in love, it is so easy to be wrapped up totally in your “other.”  All you want to do is be together and when you’re not together, you’re thinking about being together!

It’s what I call, the “magical” phase. Everything seems brighter. Food tastes better. It’s as if life comes alive.

And yet, as fun as this time is, it’s also dangerous. It’s dangerous, because it can be so easy to lose yourself.  And if you lose your identity at this point, it can be hard to get it back.

Love is a wonderful thing. Knowing that you have someone else to walk through life with, to lean on, and someone who “has your back,” – well, there’s nothing else like it. And once you get married, and the years fly by, it is such a comfortable thing.

But, you are you still YOU. And your spouse is still who they are. You each have your own bents, your own wishes, desires, habits, and personalities. Some of those will overlap, and you will share common dreams or likes. Others, will not. And the ones that don’t? The ones that truly make up YOU? You shouldn’t lose those.

There are some things in life that are only meant for us. We don’t have to share every thing we enjoy with our mate. In fact, it can be very healthy to have our own interests along with shared ones. It is good for us to do some things on our own. It is good for us, to maintain some sort of independent personality aside from our marriage.

It is GOOD!

Don’t lose yourself in your spouse. Don’t lose your identity or the very things that make you so wonderfully you. Your spouse will actually love you for staying YOU! And you will love them if they don’t cling to you every moment of your life. Can I get an amen?

We all need things that are meant solely for us in life. (Healthy, growing, things.) Just because you may enjoy working in the yard, or running; doesn’t mean your spouse has to enjoy those things or do them with you. Of course, there should be some things in life that you enjoy doing together – and if you don’t know what they are, I encourage you to set out and find some. But, there are some things that you should also set out to protect. Things that are just for YOU. Maybe it’s having your own reading time, coming up with your own ideas for projects (that you don’t have to consult or get your spouse’s input on), etc.

Independence in certain things is not bad. It’s just defining who you were meant to be as a person.

So, enjoy your love. Focus on your marriage. Grow it, prioritize it. But in the process, don’t neglect yourself. Don’t FORGET yourself. Stay true to the things that make you YOU.

You will be healthier emotionally for it, and your marriage will even thrive because of it.

Two wonderful and separate “you’s” in a marriage – make one great “US.”

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