Sunday, June 3, 2018

Some Things Just Mess With Your Head

I’ve mentioned before, how I ran away from having braces for 15 years.  I dreaded going to the dentist, because the issues of my bite would always affect me at my appointments. And I switched dentists a couple times with some moves we made, and inevitably they would say, “Have you ever thought of getting braces?”

My heart would plummet each time.

I tried to ignore that issue. I had already had braces in high school and I certainly didn’t want them as an adult.

Finally, FINALLY, when my jaw started popping, I knew I could not run away from the issue anymore, and I sucked up the courage to go to an orthodontist. I was not only told that I needed braces, but potentially, jaw surgery, as well.

You should have seen the color drain from my face.

It terrified me.

I think it took me a couple more months, to mentally adjust to that news, and come to grips with it all.

I started the braces process, and everyone has just been so gracious to me, as I deal with the “self-conscious” issues around my smile and appearance. 

About a year into it, I knew would be “surgery time.” And that time came about February. 

My ortho told me I would most likely need ‘upper jaw’ surgery.

I went in to the surgeon, and was told ‘lower jaw' surgery. I was surprised at the change in news, and had to mentally shift my thinking for a different type of surgery. It encompasses a different kind of healing, and different adjustments/risks.

A month or so later, things switched again, and I found out my surgeon, (after looking over my records, impressions, etc) did indeed agree with my ortho…. And I needed ‘upper jaw’ surgery.

Another shift in my thinking, as I switched back to emotionally preparing for an ‘upper-jaw’ procedure. 

In my research, I found a jaw surgery support group on facebook. (Yes, there is such a thing!) I’ve done a lot of research on what to expect, and it helps to have a support group of people who understand the emotional process - as well, as the physical. So, I have shifted from ‘lower jaw’ emotional preparedness, to ‘upper jaw’ emotional preparedness.

Then, came time to submit my case to insurance. We had chosen a surgeon a few hours away, simply, because they were “in-network” for our insurance.  I got my approval letter about a month later, and was as thrilled as I possibly could be. After all, this was surgery. But the fact that insurance would cover it - was really, really good news.

Then, a few weeks later, I got another letter. After a change was submitted by my surgeon to insurance, they denied my surgery and I was informed that the initial approval, was a mistake. After some long phone calls, numerous talks with the surgeons insurance department, and my ortho, we discovered that our insurance plan, was denying me coverage. The way they classified my surgery, they said that I had to be under 19 to have it.

Whatttt??? That is just so ridiculous to me and confounding. 

Jaw surgery is not cosmetic.  It’s necessary. At any age it’s discovered.

It has all been stressful and frustrating. 

I ONCE AGAIN, have had to mentally adjust to what I am hearing. And it’s been tough.  Something that initially terrified me, something that I finally came to terms with, and reconciled myself to, I was now being told I could not do it. 

And it left me in a state of despair.

Some things just really mess with your head. And I won’t lie. This whole process has really kicked my butt, emotionally.

It’s hard for those who don’t have to go through it, to understand. To understand why something you are scared of doing, has become so important to you. How you have (through conversation, research, and council) come to discover, is necessary.

It’s hard to explain, how, in some strange way, you are still very anxious about it all, yet desiring it at the same time.

I heard someone say that God doesn’t respond to fear or anxiety, He responds to FAITH. That hit me about a couple months ago, as I began the process of waiting for an appeal to come through with my insurance.

Only God knows the outcome of this whole process. And He has always been faithful to me. So, I have decided to walk the rest of the way in FAITH. 

God has His reasons for things. We certainly don’t understand them, sometimes. But I know He wouldn’t lead me this far, and just drop me. He is my Heavenly Father and He loves me.

As I sit here, I am still waiting to see if our appeal is approved. I certainly can’t change my age. And I can’t change the fact, that my jaw and bite need to be realigned for me to eat properly.  I can’t change the fact that I have to wear braces longer, as I sit and wait for insurance to make a decision.

But I CAN change how I walk through this process. 

Is my faith-walk a little wobbly as I continue through this journey? Yes. The human side of me is realistic; not expecting a “yes” from insurance, but internally, still hoping for one. 

Whatever happens, I know I don’t walk alone. And I am going to summon all the belief I have, to remind myself, that God has paved a way ahead of me. One that is in my best interests.

So, although some things in life do “mess with our heads”, we don’t have to let things stay that way. We can mentally adjust, reaffirm our path, and rise above our circumstances.  

We WILL make it through, and get to the other side. Even if it takes longer than we’d planned.

We just have to have FAITH.


quietspirit said...

Lord Jesus, Please guide Dionna through this time of waiting and time of conflicting decisions about her needs. I ask this out of Your grace for her. In the Name of Jesus, I pray. AMEN

Dionna said...

There was a "glitch" and I never got notified of your comment. I am so sorry. Thank you so very much for your prayers. :)