Friday, July 29, 2016

If You Love Me, Don't Let Me Go

Everyone wants to know love – to feel love.

Everyone wants someone to have their “back.” To fight for them and with them.


I wonder, how awful it must feel, to live life without love. Without feeling it, without knowing it.

There are people who are in those shoes, right now. They don’t feel your love. They don’t see it, hear it, or know it.

They are lost. Alone. Crying and hurting.

The baby who is about to be aborted.  The baby who just wants to be loved.

The man on the streets, who sleeps on a cardboard out in the cold on Thanksgiving, while his family dines on turkey at home.

The cousin who has to go back into rehab again.

The youth who ends up in jail. And has no visitors.

The child who huddles up, locked in their room, as mom and dad yell, and throw things at each other.

They just want to be held.

Mistakes will be made in life. And some people have made plenty. But where is grace? Where is mercy?

Where is love?

They may be unsteady. They may not outwardly be asking you of anything. But inwardly, they are shouting – “Am I worthy of love?”  “Am I valuable?”

“If you love me, don’t let me go.” “Don’t let me fall. Don’t let me fail.”

“Be there for me. Love me. “


Monday, July 25, 2016

Because I Choose Him

There is a cost to being a Christian. I know it. I feel it. 

People so easily label you once they find out what you believe. They assume how you will feel and act, in any certain situation or circumstance.  They assume I won’t want to be their friend, that I won’t love them, if they do “such and such” or behave in a certain manner.

They are wrong.

In fact, it is MORE likely that I will stick with them longer, and further, than some of their other “so-called” friends, purely BECAUSE of my faith. It is MORE likely that I will be trustworthy and genuine, BECAUSE of what I believe.

Oh yes. I know that’s not true for all of us who label ourselves with the word, “Christian.” I wish it were.

It should be.

We all should be different, because of our choice to choose God as Lord of our lives. I know I am.

I make the choices I do in my life - because I choose God.

I have joy in my heart, despite my trials and challenges, because of my choice to follow the Lord.

I am happy. I feel blessed. I feel free. Because I choose HIM.

And He has chosen me.

I’m not anything special, in and of myself. I am supremely flawed. I can be a huge dork. At times, I feel especially needy.  But He loves me just as I am. He has been faithful to me. He chose me, despite my inadequacies, fears, doubts, and immaturity.

And He continues to choose me. He continues to want me.

So, I try to be honest, because I owe God everything. I owe Him my life, my joy, my dreams; my everything.

I try to be obedient. I try to love others, as He loves me.

I try to be respectful, civil, and forgiving (as hard as a lesson that is for me to grasp.)

All because I love Him – and so I make my choices in life – based on that wholehearted love.

HIM. I choose Him.

That’s why I am who I am. And I, for one second, have never regretted that choice. He’s never led me wrong.

How great is thy Father’s love…… and oh how I’d love to share it with you.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Wasted Moments

There is a song out by Keith Urban that is called, “Wasted Time.”  The first time I heard it, I thought, “Those words are so true!”

For most of us, we make elaborate efforts to create memories. Especially as parents, we outdo ourselves on our kids’ birthday parties, on holiday celebrations, on baking food for a party, on vacations.

And those all show our love. Our efforts ALWAYS show our love.

But….a great deal of our treasured moments in life, are in the unplanned. In the moments of life that most people would refer to as “wasted time.”

Spontaneity is a gift in life, because those moments come from someone’s heart. The words, the actions, the time spent together – they are unplanned. They are simply expressions of who we are, and how we feel about life, and those we share it with.


As I sit here, writing this piece, I can think of SO many lazy, spontaneous, unplanned, “wasted” moments in life, that have become so fond to my heart.

I think of walking down to the dock to eat lunch one summer up at the lake, with my sister and my mom. And suddenly, we were bowling with our grapes.

I think of taking the mattress out in our backyard and looking up at the sky to the stars, talking, and laughing with my husband and kids.

I think of being on a road trip and suddenly, due to where we had just been, finding every song we played on my IPOD to encompass a theme to where we were.  Some were farfetched. Some were outright stupid. But it was hilarious. Memorable. And my kids still bring it up sometimes.

I think of standing in the street, holding hands with a homeless man, as he asked me to pray for him. So there my family huddled in prayer – for a stranger.

Or, shopping with my girls and ending up having hilarious moments in the dressing room.

Wasted moments? I think not. Maybe they didn’t contribute to world peace. But they contributed to our life. To our love for each other.

There is so much busyness in life. Our heads can get so full of thoughts, to-do’s, and emotions of circumstances and challenges. We can get a little lost in it all.

We forget to simply “be.” To simply “love.”

We forget that some of the best moments in life, happen in the “wasted” seconds of life.

Let’s not be so quick to rush by them when they come our way. Let’s not get so restless when they present themselves. For they are treasures. To us, and to those who share them with us.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Don't Let Them Break You

I wish everyone, wished everyone else “well.”  If only we could all be happy for each other when something goes right in the other person’s life. 

If only we could be happy enough with ourselves, to not tap into the jealous feelings that want to invade us and cause us to strike at one another.

I wish there wasn’t mental illness. I wish no one had to experience the dark side of depression, anxiety, or schizophrenia.  I wish we loved each other enough, to never see the battles that occur in a life due to low self esteem, or someone feeling like they aren’t valuable.

But that’s just not the reality we live in.

Emotional monsters exist in our heads. They reveal themselves in supposed relationships. And they blossom right before our very eyes.

They try to break us.

Their only goal is to hurt, damage, inflict as much pain as they possibly can, and to steal our joy.

Sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they leave a wake of ruin in their path.

Those “monsters” don’t have to win. They don’t have to dictate where you go, what you do, or how you do it.

We just need to be alert. Aware. Ready to put on our armor of protection, wisdom, and faith.

We need to know that what often comes at us, comes from a deeper, darker place, than just another hurting and unhappy soul.

It comes from satan.

There is no debating that our lives will hold great challenges. There will be many tears that fall from our cheeks. Not everyone will want to be our friend.

We can live with all of that. We can bounce back from the wounds inflicted on us, if we remember and realize, that if we give in to defeat, those monsters win. If we let the dark side crowd out all that’s good within our world, we not only lose the fight, we lose our very selves.

Don’t let them win. Don’t let them steal YOU. Don’t lose yourself to the battles in this

Fight. Fight hard. Fight smart. Fight for yourself.

You are worth it.

Don’t let anything, or anyone break you. Don’t let them destroy you. For if you are worthy of a fight, if you are worth it enough, to try and be destroyed, then there is great fear of who you are. Use that to fuel you.

Use it to strengthen you.

The problem when someone goes on the attack, is usually with that someone – not you. You are just the object of their struggle. And I’m sorry for that.

Use that knowledge in how you relate to everyone around you. And use it to help you fight off the unfair.

Because often, it WILL be unfair.

But whatever you do, don’t let them break you. Don’t let them win.

You can overcome. With the Lord’s help, you can overcome. Then you can help others becomes strong and overcome, too.

Bend, my friend, but don’t break.  The world needs you.

Friday, July 8, 2016

You Hurt Me, So I'll Hurt You - Is Never the Answer

My heart breaks over the division in America. So much hatred, bitterness, and pain. So needless.

I hate injustice as much as the next person, but violence isn’t the answer. Love is. Empathy is. Understanding IS.

Blacks. Whites. Muslims. Africans. Indians. We are all humans. All flawed people.

There will be bad and good amongst all of us. Bad police officers. Good police officers. Just as there are bad teachers and good teachers. Bad parents and great parents.

You can’t judge a whole race or profession, based on the actions of one – or a few. Yes, it will flavor everything about them. But we need to judge each person, based on THAT person’s actions.

My friend Lisa Whittle mentioned in a facebook post that the church has “stopped weeping.” She is so right. We have stopped crying over what’s wrong. We have grown cold and turned our faces away from what is immoral, unjust, and unkind. And when you stop weeping with those who weep, you stop feeling.  You enter into a zone of indifference.

Causing pain to another family, because you have been wronged, is never the answer. It only adds to the pain and hurt of everyone as a whole. And it becomes a domino effect. You hurt me – so I’ll hurt you.

How about – you hurt someone, so I’ll teach you to love? I’ll teach you, you matter? I’ll teach you, that not everyone is like that?

How about…can I pray for you?

We need to get down on our knees, and pray for our country. Pray for our world. We need to pray that hearts will crack, and people will start feeling again. We need to unite as people – and realize that we ALL feel. We ALL hurt.  Yes, there are those amongst us who act out and do wrong. It’s unfair. But we can’t continue the cycle. We must break it. WE.

We can’t leave it up to someone else to be the change. WE must be the change. WE must teach our children to empathize with those who don’t look like us, or act like us.

Excusing bad behavior is not the answer. But becoming like what we say we despise, isn’t either.

Life is not fair. It never will be. It’s life. We can’t demand things for ourselves, just because someone else gets something.

If someone does something wrong – yes – they need to face disciplinary consequences. That goes for a police officer, a criminal, or a public figure. No one should be immune or above the law. But just as a little child can often teach an adult how to forgive, accept, and love – WE the people may be the ones needed to teach those in authority how to love, heal, and encourage one another; instead of tearing and breaking down more people and families.

“Our hearts are at war,” says Lisa Whittle. And it’s time for us to bridge the gap. 

Otherwise there will just be more hurt and pain.

Lord, forgive us. Heal us.

Have mercy on our souls.

Friday, July 1, 2016

It's a Privilege

It’s a privilege for me to be a mom. Every day, I count my blessings. I love my children so much; and I know many, many people cannot bear a child at all.

It’s a privilege for me to be able to write. To do what I love? That adds so much joy to my life. And I thrive on encouraging and impacting others. I know that is a gift – and I don’t take it lightly, that I am able to do it.

It’s a privilege for me to be able to walk.  I see people in wheelchairs. I see people with artificial limbs. And I know walking is not something I should take for granted. I am so thankful my two legs function, and I can walk. I can run around with my grandkids.  It’s a blessing given to me.

It’s a privilege for me to travel from time to time. I’ve traveled more in my life than I ever could have dreamed. I’ve seen more than some people – and I’m not done living yet. I know the travels I’ve taken, (or may yet to take) are “extra’s” in my life that I’m lucky to be able to have. Each one is an extra gift unpacked… when I’ve already been given so many.

It’s a privilege for me, to be able to see. To breathe with my own lungs. To go to the bathroom on my own. To brush my hair.  I’ve been in hospitals. I’ve seen car accidents. I’ve been ill, myself. And I know these things are often overlooked. I don’t want to forget or fail to thank God for my knees, my hips, my nose, ears, heart, or kidneys. For someone, somewhere, doesn’t have something that I assume I will always have. Something that keeps me alive and keeps me healthy.

It’s a privilege for me, to live in a house. To drive a car. To sleep in my own bed. To have a husband.

It’s a privilege for me to be able to buy clothes.  To eat so much that I’m full.

It’s a privilege. All of it.

And I don’t want to forget it.

God has given me so much. If He never gave me one more thing I asked for, He’s already given me more than I deserve. 

We are walking blessings. You – and – I. We have gifts that we use, that we wear, that we ARE.

WE are the gifts. And we are privileged.

I don’t DESERVE two working hands anymore than anyone else. I don’t DESERVE to be happier. 

It’s all a privilege. A blessing. A gift.

And I’m indebted. Humbled. Thankful. Extremely blessed. And aware.

Are you?

Sunday, June 26, 2016

We Can Impact How Our Children View Life

Texas storms can be fierce.

As I was laying in bed one morning around 4 am, listening to the sky shake and thunder, as rain poured down and the sky lit up… I remembered my earliest memory of a storm.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest. And I remember excitedly making hot chocolate, sitting out on our back patio (we had an awning), and watching the storm, all snuggled up in blankets – me, my mom, and my sister.

Good memories.

Warm memories.

And as I lay in bed recently, listening to a storm fiercer than anything I heard as a child, I thought, “Thank you, mom.”  For I wasn’t scared. In fact, I’ve always loved storms. And I attribute that, to a mom who started me out, in expectation and wonder, instead of fear.

I’ve tried to do something similar with my own children. We often, have watched out the windows as lightening flashed across the sky, or sat out on a back patio and observed and exclaimed over the power and might of a storm.

We can impact our children’s view of life. We can influence them, to cultivate an attitude of joy, excitement, and awe - or fear, loathing, and frustration.  We can do this by how we, ourselves, treat circumstances in life.  Our attitudes are “catching.” Our children “catch” moods, views, and perspectives, from us.

Sure, our children aren’t going to adopt the same attitude as us on everything in life. But, we still have powerful influence that we often underestimate.

I never knew that I would end up in a state that had some of the most powerful and earth-shaking storms I’ve ever encountered.  Nor did my mom. But one night is all it took to forever shape and mold my mind when it comes to storms.

One night.

I’m so thankful that was a positive night. A positive moment, and a positive memory.

Lord, may we be intentional with our children, and with our attitudes, as we face little AND big things in lives. Whether they are physical storms, or emotional ones – our children are watching us.

Someday, may they look back as they face something similar, and say, “Thank you, mom.” And may they face whatever it is with wonder, not fear.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

"Busy" Is a Virus

So busy. We all get so busy, just living life. Just running around doing all of our “have-to’s.”  We get distracted and focused on everything running through our hearts and our heads.

We get into the rut of running through our lives.

We go from paying our bills, fixing our cars, getting our groceries, helping our kids with their homework, figuring out how we are going to squeeze in that next “thing,” and life, before we know it, is on a spin cycle.

It runs us.

And we forget. We forget what we’re really here for. What and who we are living for. What our purpose in life really is.

And we feel empty. Lost, lonely, and afraid.

Because, life is running us. It’s taking us for a ride that we didn’t sign up for. We let it overwhelm us with things that really don’t matter in the long run. Things that are temporal.  Yes, they need to be dealt with, but the importance we give them, well, it’s too much. We let them invade our minds. We get distracted.

And that’s just how satan likes it.

He loves to see us running around like confused little children. He loves to see us forget how God has gifted us and how God can use us. He loves to see us get stressed out. And he’s good at it.

I’m busy, just as you are. And I fight to keep my priorities in line. It’s not easy.  But nothing feels right when my life isn’t in line with the Lord. Everything is just “off.” I’M “OFF.”

I don’t want to live a life where I’m caught up in the stresses of life. I don’t want to forget to put my Lord first. I don’t want to forget what it’s like to hear Him speaking to my heart. I don’t want to fail to see others hurting or in pain. And I certainly don’t want to be so caught up in my own life, that I can’t reach out and love on other people.

“Busy” is a virus. “Success” is a virus. And “image” – a virus. Things we forget to arm ourselves against. We get lost in them.

I want to be a fighter. I want to know the joy that only God can bring into my life, as I go about the daily details of living.

Let me stay in alignment with Him – for I never want to stop hearing His whispers.  I never want to stop seeing His hand.

Nothing is worth that distance.

Friday, June 17, 2016

There's No Courage In Being Cruel

We all FEEL.  We all hurt, laugh, cry, get anxious or stressed, get nervous, act foolish. We ALL feel lonely at times. Rejected. Looked over.  We ALL get jealous. We ALL love.

That’s being human, for ya.

The thing is, I think sometimes we forget that we are all so similar. Sometimes, OUR feelings are the only feelings we take into consideration. The only ones we think matter.

And they aren’t.

We so often choose the harder thing, than to simply do the easier thing – the kind thing.

It’s easier, to think that someone might be having a bad day, than to flip a finger at them in traffic.

It’s easier, to admit the truth, than to live a lie. And it’s easier, to be gentle, than it is to be harsh. And it’s more fun.

There is no strength in being a bully. No courage in being cruel.

Usually, we are hurting ourselves as well as the person we are targeting. And usually, we were already hurting in the first place.

Making someone else feel small, never makes us taller. It only makes us mean.

I want to be someone that my children can be proud of. I want to have the kind of character that people won’t question.

Yes, I want courage. I want the kind of courage that swallows a mean comment. I want the kind of courage that turns the other cheek when something mean is said to me. I want the kind of courage that sticks up for someone that everyone else has abandoned. 

I want the kind of courage that loves the unlovable.

Mean words are only a symptom of a hurting heart. They only demonstrate a lack of understanding.

Maybe we have anger inside of us. Maybe we were wronged. Ok. But hurting someone else is never the answer.

If you truly seek to be courageous … seek to overcome.

And courage, you will find.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

I Want to Be Brave

I want to be brave. I want to have the courage to stand up for what is right. I want to risk, for someone I love.

I want to look fear in the face, and forge forward.

I, soooo, want to be brave.

I’m working on it. That bravery thing.  I’m learning to set boundaries in my heart, in my mind, and in my life. Boundaries that give me peace of mind, freedom, and strength.

I’m learning to pick my battles. To fight for what’s important, to sift away, what is not.

I’m learning to trust God more. Even when I don’t understand. I cling to Him with every inch of my being.

Sometimes, God has to be brave FOR me. In those moments, I feel like a little child. But I also feel so safe… tucked away in His mighty hands. Knowing He has it all safely in His hands, and that He will gently place me on the other side of the “unsafe.”

And I learn. I learn from Him, how to be braver. Wiser. More discerning. More loving. And more humble. Because I never can feel too safe, too secure, or too wise – that the ground beneath my feet, might not crack, and shift.

I want to be brave. I’m striving to be brave. And hoping that today, I’m braver than I was yesterday.

Maybe in my wake, others will learn to be a little braver too.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

When You WANT to Believe

We WANT to believe. We want to believe in things and in people. Sometimes, we want to believe in something or someone so much, that we ignore common sense. We ignore the facts that are right there in front of us.

I pray often, for wisdom and discernment. My instincts are pretty good and I listen attentively to them. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be led astray on occasion. I can. Especially if I WANT to believe something.

That is when we are the most vulnerable.

Believing in people is good. Everyone needs someone to believe in them. But it can be dangerous at times. It can be dangerous if we give money to someone, when we don’t have enough to pay our own bills; because we believe they have changed their ways, and won’t misuse it again. It can be dangerous, if we enter into another relationship, even though we know deep inside that that person isn’t right for us.  We can harm ourselves over and over and over again.

In 1 Kings 3:10, the Lord tells us that He was pleased with King Solomon for asking for wisdom. And so I try to remember to ask Him for it in my life, as well.

I know I’m an emotional person. I have passions and feelings that, although most of the time, I trust them – they can indeed lead me astray. So I try to pray for wisdom, clarity and perspective.

In this cold, cold world – it’s important that we still have hope. It’s vital that we still believe in the goodness of man. But we also need to have a balance of common sense. For it will protect us. It will guide us.

It’s okay to WANT to believe in something or someone. It’s even okay to be vulnerable and open. (I believe more people need these traits!) But do so cautiously. Do so with prayer. And do so with wisdom and counsel.

They are there for your own protection.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Friendship Is a Two-Way Street

Investment. It’s what relationships are all about. We need to invest into each other’s lives.

You know those sayings, “It’s the friend you can call up at 2 am, that matters.” And, “look for the friends that will drive 5 hours, to spend just 1, with you.”

I know them too. And I like them.

There’s a side of my heart, though, that is unsettled. I see people posting these beautiful graphics, with these quotes, on facebook, twitter, and instagram. And I want people to digest that we need to be more like this “friend” they are speaking of. But, and it’s a big BUT, for me; I sometimes get the feeling, that people want this kind of friend in their life, but they fail to see they need to BE this kind of friend, as well.

We can look for that friend who we can call in the middle of the night. But, are WE the friend who can be called in the middle of the night?

We can feel so blessed and thankful for those who come 5, or even 10 hours or more, to come and visit us. But do we go and visit others who we say are important to us? I’m putting an “exception” on families, here. For families, (most of them) usually come first. I’m talking about friendships.

When was the last time, instead of telling a friend who is long-distance, that you miss them – that you actually booked a trip to see them? Or do you just keep inviting them to come and see you?

It’s a two-way street. And to be honest, most of us drive along it, like it’s a one-way. 

For most of us, if we want our friendships to flourish, we rely on the other party to do the work. To do the investing. And if they don’t….the relationship withers, because we don’t do our part.

I will admit, I’m guilty here, too. I am unable to see as many people in my life that I care about, as I would like. But, I also know, that I’ve gone to extra lengths to be a part of special events in some of their lives, because they mattered to me. And I’m glad I did. I will never regret it.

So – as you seek authentic friendships in your life, I beseech you, to BE the kind of friend you seek. BE the one who writes a note of encouragement. BE the one, who attends the wedding.  BE the one, who sends the flowers, or gives the phone call. Be that one. Don’t just want that one. 

Everyone needs someone. That someone, may just be you.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

No One Can Ever Steal a Memory

 I’ve lost some special people in my life. But I still think of them, often.

I think of my grandpa who died of a heart attack when I was in 5th grade. And my other grandpa who passed in 2009 at the age of 90.

I think of my cousin, who committed suicide at a young age. A friend who did the same.   And I think of a young friend who was hit and killed by a car in high school.

I think of so many people who have come into my life – left their mark; impacted my heart, and then were gone.

Their love keeps living inside of me.

You never really lose someone you love. A part of them is always with you. Whether they are a friend, or a family member.  Certain things will always jarr your memory and remind you of something they did, something they said, how they smelled, etc.

Time somehow keeps certain memories alive. Certain feelings vibrant.

They don’t have to be sad – they can cause a smile to form on your lips, or a giggle to spill from your throat.

That’s love.

Everyone, whom I love in this life, becomes a part of me, somehow. In some way, a slice of them rubs off on me, and it sticks.

And I like knowing that. I like feeling that.

We may be physically far away from those special loved ones who’ve passed on ahead of us. But inside, we will always be close.

No one can ever steal a memory.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Know Yourself. Know Yourself WELL.

How well do you know yourself?

Do you know yourself well enough to know when someone “mislabels” you?

There will always be people out there who don’t get us. People who are jealous of us. People, who just, plain, don’t like us.

I don’t understand it. I don’t agree with it. But it’s the reality of life.

So, how well do you know yourself?  How well do you know yourself when you find out lies have been spread about you?  How well do you know yourself, when someone says something to you about how you act, or what they think of you… that is in contradiction to who you think you are?

How well, do you know your heart, your soul, and your mind?

We must know ourselves very well. We must know what we stand for. We need to know what we believe about ourselves, about humanity, and about life.

We need to know our weaknesses and strengths.

We need to know when to reject words and thoughts meant to shape us in ways that aren’t encouraging, or aren’t fuel to the fire in our hearts. Words that don’t motivate the spark in us that can impact the world in a better way.

We need to know our giftings. We need to accept how we were made and how we are growing.

It takes time alone to truly learn about yourself. It takes quiet, reflective moments to listen to what’s in our hearts and our heads.

It takes courage to listen to what is truly going on inside ourselves – good – or bad.

But we need to hear it. We need to know what rages inside of us. And we need to let it be molded into something that strengthens us into better people.

Some people are really good for us. They are great at getting us to know ourselves better. They have a gift of investing into us, without chipping anything away. 

These are the people we need to surround ourselves with. They are gifts.

You never know when your life will be taken for a spin. You never know when everything you thought you were, will be questioned, challenged, and confronted.  So if you don’t already, get to know who you really are. Know what you’re capable of. Know what you want to be about.  And then stand on it. Stand strong and sure.

So that when the attack comes, you will know yourself well.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

For the Things I Clutch Onto, Too Tightly

I love deeply. I love with passion. I love with every bone and fiber of my being. So when I love someone, I LOVE someone.

I love my God. I love my children. My husband. My relatives and friends. But there are times where God has to remind me that loving people, here, doesn’t mean I can compartmentalize them away from Him. For when I love them, I want to hold onto them. And sometimes God has different plans.

I love my Lord more than anything. Yet His lessons are still hard for me to grasp and accept at times. It’s hard to accept when He wants to take away someone in my life that I love dearly. It’s hard when He sees fit to move along a friendship or bring someone new into someone else’s life so that I am set aside. And yet, I trust Him. Even if I don’t like how events unfold.

I don’t think I have ever loved anyone more completely in this life than my family.  Once you become a wife and a mom – it’s a whole different ballgame. Your heart is no longer your own. Everything can become a threat, a fear, a danger. You throw your whole being into protecting your children, nurturing them, instilling values and morals into them – only to know that one day they will walk out your door.

It can be so easy to clutch onto them too tightly.

If letting go would only be easier. If it only would sound more inviting, and welcoming.  But it doesn’t. It sounds painful.

I am coming upon that time in life when God will ask me to let go of my children. To let Him take over. (As if He wasn’t always in charge, anyways!) As my children come into the age of being independent adults, my heart has to ready itself to break a little – or a lot. I have to unclench my hands and let God’s hands replace my own. The God I love more than anything. The God I trust.

I couldn’t let them go to anyone or anything else.

They are so priceless, my children. So irreplaceable. And it’s so scary to let them go. It’s scary to relinquish “say” and control. Because I love them. Deeply. I enjoy them. And I always want them near. They are lifeblood to me.

Someday, I know they will have children of their own. And they, too, will feel that deep, deep love. And they will understand. They will know my heart.

But for now, I have to ready myself. I have to prepare. I have to understand that this season of my life is changing and shifting.

I think when I think of “letting go” I envision a person on a cliff holding the hand of someone who is about to fall. That’s why it’s so scary. I feel like I have to hang on for things to be all right.  But what if I instead, envision someone releasing a bird in the sky? That bird is free to fly. To soar. That is the kind of ‘letting go’ that I think a parent really does. And it may be one with tear-soaked cheeks, but it’s one with a smile. A dream. Hope.

My hands may never fully be ready to open up and let God take those I love so dearly out of my grasp. But ready or not, I will do it. I will hand over my heart to the Lord I love more than life itself and watch Him carefully tend to the sweetness He graciously brought me all those years ago.

My children.


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