Our Softer Side

I have a pretty sensitive heart. Too sensitive, sometimes. I get my feelings hurt easily if I feel someone has made fun of me or criticized me.  But, since I am so sensitive, I think I can read people pretty well and I have noticed a trend in moms that bothers me.

There are a lot of confident (or so it seems) mothers out there. They take charge of things, volunteer to help, and seem to be pretty vocal about their feelings on varied subjects.  But I’ve noticed that this type of a mom doesn’t seem to be very sensitive to other moms who may be very different from her.  She doesn’t seem to have compassion for a mom who is new or ignorant on how to handle a certain issue.  I guess you could say she runs over others – without really intending to.

I’m not sure if some of us moms get so confident that we just forget what it feels like to be an outsider or “different” from others; if we are just so comfortable in our social circle that we don’t notice to look for others who may be shrinking a little, or if we are truly insecure and so we are bolder, and louder in an attempt to try and cover our own insecurities.  Whatever it is, it does indeed bother me.

I can hold my own pretty well with all walks and types of women. Even if my feelings get hurt, I usually can hide it until I’m in the sanctuary of a safe place.  But I observe a lot by not having a real “bold” personality. 

I just want to caution us as mothers to try and tap into the gentle and sensitive side of our hearts that God put in us. Even as mothers, we can be so quick to ostracize, wound, alienate, or prick another woman’s heart – sometimes we fail to even see it! Maybe it’s just a careless comment about not knowing how to cook, or a thoughtless moment of asking a few friends to get together in the presence of another… it can be so wounding to the mom on the other end of the action.

We can learn so much from each other. Older moms can teach us so much, moms who are “different” from us in personality, ethnicity, or certain ideals – can be a true breath of fresh air if we will only give them a chance to be themselves and learn new things from what they can offer our lives.

We are”womanhood.” A team. We all have something in common – we fight, we feel, we love, we fear.  Let’s try to remember our “softer side” and be extending to those who are different than us.

Some Things Just Really Get Under Your Skin

I’m a delayed-reactor. What I mean is, I tend to do fairly well when I get bad or sad news but then after some time has passed, it then seeps through me and I get upset, frustrated, down, etc. (Whatever the situation might call for.) It takes awhile for my feelings to come through.

I see this as a pattern in my life now. I know that even if I cry initially, that I will still take some time to process what has happened and it will permeate through me, body, and soul.

It’s just who I am.

I feel things deeply.

Some things, just can really get under your skin. Even if it takes awhile for them to get through each layer. They can burrow in and plant themselves for awhile.

I may handle criticism or something negative fairly well initially – but then once it finds it’s way through the layers, it can really affect me.

And that sucks.

I don’t usually say “sucks” just for the record. But this time, the word fits. It “sucks.” Because when things get under your skin and really affect you, it’s a very emotional time. Maybe you doubt yourself in a really profound way, or you start getting so steamed about something that you can’t get it off your mind. It’s under your skin – sitting there.

I’ve found that the only way I can get that ‘thing’ underneath to come on back out, is to talk about it. I have to bear my heart to someone. But I have to be careful that I don’t place something that was my burden on someone else’s shoulders because then it becomes their burden – and that’s not fair.

We will never go through this life unscathed. But we can’t always hold others responsible. Remember that prayer in the Bible when God says, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do?” That’s so true at times. Sometimes someone has no idea that something they said will take root, find a little safe harbor, and grow inside of us. They just don’t realize.

Things WILL get under our skin. For some of those, we can let whatever it is fuel us and motivate us. Other times, we need to simply find someone we trust who can walk with us until we’ve had time to shake it off or get it out of our system. But always, ALWAYS, we should take it before God in prayer.

He knows it ‘sucks.’ And He’s waiting to help us through it. All we have to do is ask Him to help us process it and bring us stronger, wiser, and better off when we get to the other side of the issue or circumstance.

And luckily for us, He’s very good at doing just that

He Delights In Us

Psalm 35:27  “God delights in the well-being of His servant.” 

If you ever doubt that God cares about your well-being; simply read this verse. He does. He cares about the details of our lives and how we are doing.

I was thinking this morning about how I was struggling in a certain area of my life. How it was nearly bringing me to tears. Then, this was the verse I happened to flip to in my little notebook. What a timely reminder that God cared how I was feeling and what I was going through!

Not only did it remind me that God cared about my emotional and physical struggles but it showed me that what He does for me is never dutiful. It is a joy. A DELIGHT.

Just as I delight to give gifts to my children or to surprise them with things in their life that I know will bring great joy and blessing to them….so does my Heavenly Father like to delight in me. He delights in answering my prayers. He delights in bringing victory over a long-prayed-out spiritual battle. He delights in handling the little details of my life – and the big. That’s how much He loves me.

Whether you are struggling with illness, job frustrations, financial strains, relationship stresses, location issues or anything else – please know that God can’t wait to delight you with solving, handling, and blessing you in each one of those areas of your life. For He cares about your well-being. He knows when things are getting to be too much to bear, when you need encouragement, help, support, and love. He knows just when you need to be carried or when you need a push.

So don’t despair. Keep the faith. Keep praying. Feel His love and His knowledge of your life.  Know that in His perfect timing, He will bring resolution. And He’ll do it with delight.

Speaking To the Vapid Space

Do you ever feel like your words fall on deaf ears? I do. I have.

I’ve shared posts on facebook that no one really notices and then someone else shares it and immediately everyone is liking it.

I’ve suggested new trends to people who, generally, scoffed at the idea. Then someone else suggests it, and suddenly the ideas has more concrete value to it.

Am I not reputable enough? Not BIG enough?

Isn’t that the way it goes, sometimes? You feel as if your words were the same as someone else’s but because they are POPULAR, they are heard.

And you are ignored.

Left to speak to the big open, vapid space. And you wonder why you waste the breath. Why you keep trying.

It’s all about love, really. You love. You care. And so you share.

And every once in awhile someone will hear you. Someone will respond. And to them, you will mean everything. Your heart will reach theirs and soothe over a spot that had been cold, lonely, and empty.

I think my God must feel like that at times, as well. He tries so hard to speak to us. He shares things with us – which we ignore. And then someone whom we think is wonderful and delightful, shares the same thing. And we listen. We find value in THEIR words.

God says He loves me. And I don’t listen. Someone else tells me they love me, and suddenly, I’m all ears.

God tells me I’m valuable. Special. He will fight for me. He CHOSE me. I turn my head at times because it’s so hard to believe. Someone else tells me, and I’m quick to believe they must be right – for they dress well, look attractive, and are well-liked.

It’s a little skewed, isn’t it?

Just as God wants to be heard, so do people. They want to know that someone heard theirs words. That they HEARD their heart.

Do you need to be heard today? I’m listening. Tell me your words.  And they won’t fall on deaf ears or a dull heart.

Choosing Not To Argue

I’ve discovered that usually when I’m in an argument with someone, it’s because of my own pride.

A lot of times, I could choose to let an issue go – but I don’t. I instead, choose to engage someone whether it be defending a stance I feel strongly about, or getting indignant about something that I feel is either right or wrong.  Either way – most of the time it comes back to being a pride issue.

Pride is one of the toughest things for me to overcome. There is an instinctive nature we all have in fighting for our territory; our rights. And at times, it is necessary to do just that. But on a daily basis for most of us – it isn’t necessary. And in fact, we do ourselves, our relationships, and our Christian walk a disservice by choosing to pick a battle that stems from pride.

James 4:1 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”

I’m usually left feeling frustrated when I have an argument. I sometimes am frustrated with someone else, but I’m also frustrated with myself for letting my irritation or anger spark and get enraged at someone else. I know that for me, I often can’t hurry fast enough to make things right again – with the other person and then personally; an apology to my Lord.

We all have desires. We have wishes, dreams, and we have morals and values. But sometimes I think we need to be a little more discerning in what battles we allow ourselves to be engaged in and in what battles we earnestly take to the Lord on bended knee in prayer. 

I’m learning to speak to the Lord first before I act on issues that I’m passionate about. Oftentimes, that “wait” time is just what I need most to make room for Him to whisper to my heart and show me what action point and attitude He wants to see come out of me in regards to something. Plus, I have a lot less to regret when I give myself time to think about something and to seek God’s input on it.

Pride is a hard thing to let go of. But when you can pause, swallow and step back – God will make it easier to set our pride aside in the best interest of His name.

*Published on DevotionalChristian.com July 2011

Bridging the Gap Between Generations

I believe strongly in the need to bridge generation gaps.  I think a lot of misunderstandings in parent-child and even grandparent-grandchild relationships stems from one party not understanding where the other one is coming from.

As a parent, I try often, to share things from my past, upbringing, and experiences. I try to expose my children to their grandparents and great-grandparents when possible (as they live out of state.) I believe a lot of wisdom can be learned from what others before us have gone through!

But I don’t think the job is just up to us. I think our children need to make efforts to bridge the generation gap as well. They need to listen to our type of music instead of simply their own. They need to watch movies, read books, and listen to us when we share stories or lessons from our lives and past.

It’s not just up to us to do all the “bridgework!”

Sometimes we can cater too much to our children. We allow them to roll their eyes at us or laugh at the clothes we wore. Without understanding. Without realizing that one day it will be them in the “parental shoes.”

I believe respect is vital. Exposure to older generations and experiences; critical. Whether or not our children think it’s “fun.”

It takes two to make a bridge and I think a common misconception has been that bridging generations is solely the responsibility of parents. But it’s not. Our children need to meet us at least half-way. They need to make an effort too – not just us.

Think about that the next time you feel like you are worlds apart from your child. As you learn how to text, work technology, and keep up-to-date on your child’s world…teach them a little bit about the one you grew up in. Help them understand you a little bit better by encouraging them to step into life as you’ve lived it.  Expand their horizons and help them become a better person – with understanding, and with knowing.

It's Not Glamorous

Self-worth. I seek it. I see most people around me seek it. That desire we all have inside to feel worthwhile and to know what our purpose is in life.

For most of us, we continue to seek that self-worth well into our middle age years.

As a people watcher, I learn a lot. Of course, I also learn a lot from my own mistakes over my lifetime, but I learn a lot from the lives of those who cross my path.  I see patterns and themes in common. Issues that we all struggle with and areas that we all battle to reveal to others.

One thing I’ve been noticing more and more is this “image” thing. It is popping up in a more visual way because of the world wide web. 

We highlight our trips, our ministries and our successes online. We post photos and we tweet tweets. There is this “need” that is being grown more and more in our hearts to be able to be a part of what we deem “great” in the lives of others.

It’s as if we have relegated “purpose” to “success.” And none of us want to be left out.

It doesn’t matter if the trend of the moment is everyone going to Africa and feeding the poor, or buying Tom’s shoes – we all want to be a part, and more than that, we want to be able to TELL others that we were a part.

But I look at the example for my life…the Bible. And I see where the greatest influences were often carried out. It was in the homes of God’s people.

Following God isn’t always glamorous. In fact, a lot of the time, it’s day in and day out obedience.

It’s mundane.

It’s faithful.

It’s developing relationships.

For most of us, God isn’t going to create a legacy in the lives of others by going on a short term missions trips. (Although I think there is great benefit in doing that.) And He’s not usually going to choose to elevate us to a position of notoriety or publicity where half the world knows our name, our cause, and our deeds.

No, God loves to work in the normal. The meek. The forgotten and the humble.

He loves to work in the lives of you and me. By using us to anonymously drop off food for a family in need at our church or spending hours doing homework and going to our teen’s sports games. By being THERE. By being real!

He uses us when others watch our reaction to a political election or a grumbling and cantankerous neighbor. He uses us in our jobs. He uses us in our daily life.

Daily life.  At the gas station, in the store, doing our taxes, walking the dog. Not glamorous – but faithful. Obedient.

We are always being watched. And we always have someone whom we can be investing into. The life of our two year old. Our aging grandparent. The lonely woman at church. There is always someone.

It isn’t glamorous. But it’s real. And I believe God has called us to real. For that is where the majority of the people are.

Right next to you.

Unloading

Nothing is like a good “girl talk” with a friend. Family relationships are good and important, but sometimes talking to someone who is more objective about your life is just what the doctor ordered!

There are all types of women. Quiet, chatty, social, and loners. But everyone needs a friend. God created us to be social. Some just need to be social more often than others.

Life adds a lot of “build up” inside of our hearts and souls. You don’t have to share everything, but unloading on a friend sometimes, may be just what you need. It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up. Although it’s not good to be a gossip, sharing what weighs heavily on your heart is important. For without sharing, you may never hear something that helps you change your perspective, straighten up your attitude, or just feel less alone.

There is something to be said for “girl time.” There is something magical that happens when women get together and bond. It’s good for the soul.

Don’t deprive yourself of it.

Give It Up

We’re not used to giving things up. Most of us aren’t anyways. We’re used to getting things and acquiring them. Giving away doesn’t come naturally or easily to most of us. If we give away things, we usually end up wanting to replace them at some point. If we give away our time, we seek acknowledgement for what we feel we invested.  But there’s a critical component often missing in our way of thinking. “Giving away” means you give something up. You give up your material things, your time, your need to be thanked, noticed, or appreciated. You give it away. All of it.

I think for most people, they are halted in their tracks at the thought of giving something up and never getting anything back in return for it. It’s sad that they are missing out on blessings with this mentality. True sacrifice brings with it a blessing that can’t be found, bought, or revealed to us in any other way. It’s something you can’t touch without learning how to give up something.

We tend to hold on to things so tightly. Our hands and our hearts clench them with might and force. Yet God asks us to be generous people. Humble. The more we have, the more we should be willing to give.

Where are you at in life right now?  Are you holding onto something with your arms crossed and your heart closed? Are you able to hand over that which is most valuable to you? Whether it’s your personal plans, your monetary possessions, or memories -  are you willing to invest them so that God can turn them into something bigger, brighter, and more eternal? Do you want to make a difference? Do you want to impact other people’s lives?

It’s time to start giving things up. Give up that comfortable cushion you’ve gotten used to sitting on in your life and let God take you and use you. Give up your vision and let God show you His. Learn how to sacrifice. Everything you truly need, you will still have plus more. You will discover the hidden riches of blessing and being blessed in return….all because you were willing to give something up.


*First published February 2011 EverydayChristian.com

Will God Give Us More Than We Can Handle?

Any time someone is going through a really, really hard time, the saying is often uttered from a caring friend or family member’s lips….”God will never give you any more than you can handle.”

I really don’t like that saying. For I don’t believe it.  In fact, I can’t find it in the Bible. I find where God talks about us not being tempted more than we can handle, but not where He talks about us going through a circumstance or situation that is more than we can handle.

I actually believe that He gives us more than we can handle on purpose.

Why else would we need to rely on Him?

I wonder if Queen Esther felt her situation was more than she could handle. She lost her parents at a young age. That would be enough pain to last a whole lifetime. On top of that, she was taken into a palace and expected to give up her purity for a king who may or may not choose her as his wife. But he does. And the fact that he’s not faithful (because he has a harem full of women) well, that dashes a lot of little girl’s dreams of the perfect husband. And then, her people are chosen to be executed. Heartbreak. But there’s more. She is the only one who can possibly save them.

Yah, I’m guessing she might have at least entertained the thought a few times that God had given her more than she could handle.

But we all know why He did that. He wanted to use Esther in a powerful way.

There’s other men and women in the Bible (many, actually) who God gave more than they could handle. Job? Mary? (How would you like the responsibility of raising GOD? And then watching him be executed?) How about Joseph? Daniel?

You see God often gives us (or allows us) to go through things that are MORE than we can handle.

On our own anyways.

He wants us to come to Him. To look to Him. To NEED Him.

He wants to use us. Perfect us. Mold us. Better us!

I don’t know why a certain situation might be happening to you or to me. I may not understand. But I can trust in my God’s heart that He has a reason.

I may hate the pain and the heartache. The loss. And I certainly would rather wish that He lavish His blessings on me. But I still have to trust in His heart that He will equip me with the strength, peace, support, and courage I need to get through whatever it is.

Because He’s God. And what I lack, He more than makes up for.

Especially when it’s more than I can handle

Walking When You Want To Run

I am not a runner. I watch runners and I envy how healthy they must feel when completing a run.  But I don’t have it.  My knees aren’t up to running and I didn’t run early on in life. 

I’m not a runner as far as going through life, either. I tend to like to take my time. Enjoy things. Pace myself. I don’t like running at full speed. It stresses me out and leaves me feeling like I don’t know what just happened. I can’t soak in those moments I want to embrace.

But sometimes in life, I just want to run. I want to get out of whatever situation I’m in. I want to move on.

And God says I need to keep walking.

It can be frustrating. Disheartening. It challenges my stamina.  For I’m like a crockpot. When it boils, it’s ready. So when I’m ready to move onto something else or get out of something, I’M READY!  I feel overcooked if I have to stay longer than I feel is necessary.

Yet, God so often has shown me that whether or not I feel it’s necessary…He does. There are things He still wants to perfect. No, not always me – but sometimes, me.

I love to take walks. It refreshes your heart and mind. It brings fresh air into your lungs and sweet aromas to your nose  (if you are walking outside and not on a treadmill!)  It gives you time to notice things.

Maybe that’s why God doesn’t want us running when we so desperately crave to. He wants us to notice some things. He wants us to take stock of our heart and mind. He wants our trust.

I think of horses and dogs who just want to run and someone is holding them back. I know that feeling so well.  When someone lets go of that animal and he runs with every muscle in his body….that image gives me a new focus.  For the same can be said of us. When God says, “It’s time. That is when we can truly run with everything we’ve got. Run in our new situation, run from our old confinements, run! Run with abandon. Run with energy. Run with passion!

Maybe that’s why we feel held back sometimes. We have to let that passion build, fuel, and grow inside of us so that when it’s time to run, we can run with excellence and strength.

If God is asking you to walk in life right now and your heart just yearns to run, be patient. Trust Him. Build your passion and grow your fuel. Prepare. For soon you will be released to run and it will feel so good.

It's All About Me

We’d all like to think we are kind people. Thoughtful. Generous. We give to charities, we volunteer, and we appreciate other people’s way of living – as long as it works for them.

For most of us, we try to stay out of trouble. We bite our tongue and we don’t get involved in heated debates, discussions, or quarrels.

Yet we still like to blame others for our own problems. We blame the government, the schools, the other guy in traffic – anyone, but ourselves.

I think it’s what’s wrong with society today. WE are what’s wrong.

You see, we struggle with being accountable for our own actions.

Life doesn’t seem to affect us on a personal level until it DOES affect us on a personal level.

We don’t seem to care about a nation’s debt until our taxes are raised.

We feel bad about someone getting killed in the military but it doesn’t pain us until our son, daughter, niece or nephew enlists.

We don’t see the big deal in gun rights until someone breaks into our home, or carjacks us.

It’s all, personal, you see.

We are so focused on US, that not much else seems to get under our skin when we feel our own lives are going smoothly. It doesn’t ruffle us.

But it should.

We were never meant to live just for ourselves. We were meant to come alongside each other, support, encourage, help, and yes – feel.

And we’ve grown cold.

We fail to see how many, many people still suffer after a hurricane, tornado, or earthquake. All we see are the leaders rushing in for the photo opp and then leaving. So we think things are under control We think people are cared for. But they’re not. They’re forgotten.

Until we start caring about what’s right and what’s wrong BEFORE it affects us, we will be living in a society that continues to go down a dangerous path. 

Until we learn to take responsibility for our own choices and endure the consequences that follow, we will always be blaming someone else. And no one will be the better for it.

Until we start learning to prize wisdom, discernment, HONESTY, and humility – we will never have leaders who truly care about our daily needs and worries.

When we live a life that is “all about me” – it ends up destroying everything that is good and pure.

It steals your freedoms. For you no longer work for them, earn them, or appreciate them.

They Will Break Your Heart

When I first became a mom, I knew my heart was irrevocably wrecked the moment I first held my baby. It was all consuming. I’d never felt anything like it.

When they are little and magical – you think nothing will ever change that overwhelming feeling of love you have for them. And when they are toddlers and in the first grades of elementary school, for the most part, you “rock” their world. You are the first person they run to when they are hurt. The one they most want to hold them, and they tell you everything in the world.

Time and growing up change that.

Your child starts running to their room yelling at you in anger because you said “no,” or you caught them doing something they shouldn’t. You don’t become the “favorite” anymore. Instead, your title sometimes is “irritant” or “disciplinarian.” They confide in friends before you.

And it breaks your heart.

But you’ve broken theirs too. All those times you yelled when you didn’t mean to or spanked in anger.  Those words said harshly or in a hurry before you could pile them up and put them back in your mouth. You’ve hurt those precious children.

You’ve broken their heart.

Without meaning to, we hurt those we love the most.  That’s part of love. It knows no bounds. 

Your children will break your heart meaning to, in their most rebellious moments. But they will also break your heart not meaning to. Your heart will be broken when they go off to kindergarten never looking back. It will be broken the night of their first sleepover when they didn’t need to call you.  Your heart will be broken when you know they are hurting, yet don’t want to share it with you, or when they leave home for good.

It goes with the territory.

But you think back to those moments – all the good ones. The time you held them for the first time or they said, “mama” before all other words. When they called you from school to come and get them because they needed you or when you held them after their first break-up.

Do you remember?

Do you remember when they wrote you a note, “Just because?” or when they complimented you in front of their peers?  How they said, “I love you” from down the hall without prompting from you?

Those are the moments. It is why we do what we do. It is love. It is memories. It is heartbreak.

All of it. Wrapped in one big package. One doesn’t come without the other.

And I wouldn’t change a second. All the heartbreak, heartache, tears, and hurt are worth it. THEY are worth it. For I am investing in another life.

Forever.

Build Him Up

Do you know that the average man has never had anyone believe in him?

They feel a great deal of pressure to be a success, take care of their family, be involved in their children’s lives, etc.  But these expectations usually come with demands not reassurances.

Just like us – our men can feel overwhelmed at times and are very afraid to let us down; or to fail – not only us, but also themselves.

Lift up your husband.  Encourage him especially when he is feeling “low” or having a weak moment.  Pray for him and believe in the possibilities.  Your husband will feel your belief and that will impact him in a powerful way.

It may not always be easy but even if your husband is having a weak moment, or is “low”; your belief in him may be the only thing that pulls him out of a destructive cycle.

You know what it feels like to have people expect things from you and to feel overwhelmed. So treat him gently… and build him up.

Insecure

I hate those moments in life where insecurity creeps into my heart and life. I look back on them and wish I’d felt differently – acted differently. I see how things could have been, would have been just fine if I’d simply embraced who and where I was in that moment.

I do hate insecurity.

Insecurity can make you feel unloveable when you really are very loved. It can make you feel ugly when you are attractive and it can make you feel unqualified when you have a unique gift. In short, it robs us of our confidence. It steals our belief in ourselves.

I know that I have special callings, qualities, and gifts. Yet I can get impatient and then compare myself to someone else. I look away from my own path and I look at someone else’s. All of a sudden, I’m feeling doubtful, frustrated, and inept.  Have you been there too?

I’m learning as I get older that the more comfortable I am with myself, the more comfortable others are with me, as well. Confidence often comes from learning from our hurts, failures, and missteps. It also comes from realizing the good things about ourselves and learning to relish and enjoy those things.

Everyone gets insecure at some point in their lives. I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t felt that feeling of inferiority.  I think it comes more often when you are young, when you feel lonely, and when you are seeking approval from others. Knowing that, it helps you to fight against it by developing good friends who love you for who you are and finding approval from God first and foremost.

As for being young, you can only grow up so fast. But you can realize that seasons of your life will not last forever.  You can sidestep many catastrophes by learning to not care so much what others think of you. It’s crazy how people can sense when someone cares very much what they think. It gives them an elevated sense of power in your life. If they realize you are confident and comfortable with who you are, oftentimes they move on to pick on someone else.

That really is the key, isn’t it? Learning to be comfortable with who we are. Wherever God has placed us. There is joy to be found. Blessings to be had. And strength to be gained.

You are valuable. You have gifts. There is beauty to be found where you are and there is beauty to be found in WHO you are. 

Don’t let insecurity win one more moment of your heart.