Sometimes, having faith in God doesn’t “feel” like I think it SHOULD feel. Sometimes I question my own heart because I’m not “feeling” the emotions and thoughts that I think I should be having.
My faith is everything to me. I live by it 24 hours a day. It’s never a “grab from the shelf” kind of thing for me. It’s real. Integrated into every fiber of my being. I can’t separate from it. And knowing that, says a lot to me about what faith feels like.
Faith isn’t always joy. Sometimes it’s simply peace.
Faith to me isn’t always passion for reading God’s Word. Sometimes it’s simply a quick two-sentence prayer in my humanity that wants to do other things.
Faith to me is like the wind. I can’t always see it – but I can see its effects and feel them in my life. It’s like breathing. I don’t consciously do it; it has become such a part of me that it’s natural. Instinctive.
I think when I go through those seasons of doubt (as we all do), that I feel like I should be FEELING more. THINKING more. DOING more. But that’s not what faith is about. It’s about believing and accepting God’s grace. That’s it. He does it all and that can be hard to wrap our minds around. We want to DO something. FEEL something. BE something.
The thing is? We are. And we do. For when you choose to follow the Lord, your heart does things on a daily basis. It has a voice and it takes actions. Those are always seen and felt by someone else. And you DO feel something. You feel the prick of pain when you disobey God’s commands. You feel deep joy when you see His hand sweep across a need and provide answered prayer in a way that ONLY He can do. You feel love. Heartache for those who are hurting. You feel everything deeper when you are walking with the Lord.
Faith is knowing that God’s Word is true even when you don’t know what will happen in your reality. You KNOW His Word will be lived out and will be a testament to His presence.
I think sometimes I feel like faith should be a certain cloak I put on and take off. Like I know when I’m wearing it, and I know when I don’t. And that’s true to a point. But faith is also stronger and deeper than that. It keeps me warm even when I’m not consciously putting on the cloak. It protects and comforts me and it stands for what’s right even when I don’t label it “faith.” Sometimes I think it’s just me. But it’s never me. It’s faith. It’s HIM.
I’m learning faith isn’t always a feeling. Sometimes I do feel things when I actively call upon what I believe – but it’s not always there. No, faith is a choice. A direction. An intentional calling of the heart.
It’s love. And being loved. And resting in the knowledge that God is always with you. Watching, helping, guiding, disciplining, laughing, frowning, and loving. Always loving me.
It’s a beginning. It’s a start. It’s action behind the heart.
It’s faith. MY faith. And it’s always personal.