I don’t really know what it’s like to live without God in my life….my heart. I found Him when I was a very young child and He’s been with me ever since.
There have been sporadic moments, gaps in time where I didn’t feel His presence. I felt separated somehow. There was quiet.
And I longed for Him.
I don’t know how to live without Him. How do you live without hope in your heart? Without love? How do you live without a deeper peace that dwells inside despite painful, hard times? How do you live without knowing if you’ll get forgiveness?
How do you live without knowing you are truly accepted, loved, embraced….as you are?
Oh yes. I’ve loved God since I was a little girl.
He was there when my grandpa died of a heart attack at the age of 11. He was in my uncle’s arms to embrace me when I walked out that church door. An uncle who would be with that same God just 3 weeks later.
He was there when I was scared one night and asked Him to hold my hand. And a small child with faith as big as the mountain, held out her hand, closed her eyes, and felt a hand in hers. She knew – always, that it was His.
He was there to protect me on so many occasions. He always brought along someone trusting to fix my truck, spare me from that wreck, or encourage me.
He was there when I had health scares. There when my children were born. He was there every time I cried. Every time. He always brought someone’s arms to encircle me.
He was there in my confusion and my doubt. Bringing me scripture passages, amazing sunsets, or powerful songs and sermons to clear my head and heart.
He is the God I love. The Father.
He has been so faithful to me. He’s laughed at me and with me. Wiped my tears, healed my wounds, and gently pushed and prodded.
He is unfailing.
I still feel like a little girl when I come to Him. Still feel so small, so weak, and so naïve. I still wonder in amazement and have millions of questions. I still forget what He’s done at times.
And yet every time I turn around, there He is. With open arms, loving eyes, and a gentle word. He is MY God. My king.
I’ve loved Him since I was a little girl. And I will love Him always.