Saturday, March 9, 2013

I'm Discouraged

Let’s just call a spade a spade.

I’m discouraged.

I’m frustrated and bummed out about something.  Why sugar-coat?

Sometimes I feel like I take two steps forward and three leaps backwards in life.  And then I’m reminded that God wants to develop my character. He wants me to strengthen my perseverance.

And again (if we’re really being honest here), I don’t want to develop those things. Not while I’m in the middle of them, anyways. For it hurts. And I have to be patient.

I’m not good at being patient.

I’m so thankful my God puts up with my pouting. My complaining. My irritation with His ways and His timing. 

How many times will I grow discouraged and forget?

How many times will I forget how faithful my Lord has been to me? How loving? How “ALL-KNOWING?” How many?  You’d think I’d have it down by now. But nooo. No, I still get discouraged. Monthly. Yearly.

Because I’m human. And I’m flawed.  And all too-often, self-focused on me. My world. My agenda. My wants.

God is bigger than that.

So, even though I’m yet again discouraged – I know He will (yet again) be faithful. Be loving. Maybe even smile at me as He watches me struggle and strain. Not against Him. But against myself.

And until I get to the other side of “me” – He will love me.

And I will love Him all the more for that.

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