Tuesday, January 29, 2013


In the not-so-distant past, it seemed like God might be asking me to let go of something that I was holding pretty tightly on to. I felt like I might panic a little bit – and my mind went into overtime trying to figure out how to maintain my hold over something that meant a lot to me.

It turned out – that God never required me to let go.

Now, I’m ready. In fact, I’m so ready that I’m hungry. I’m hungry for that next step or adventure that He might take me on. I’m thinking ahead and trying to figure out ways to prepare. Ways to maintain some of my comforts, while also letting go of that “big thing.” It’s funny how as time went on – that “big thing” isn’t even so big to me anymore.  It’s just another “thing.”

Yet, now, it seems as if God has me on “hold.”

Why is that? Why does He sometimes move us to let go of what we aren’t quite ready to …and then when we are – He doesn’t ask it of us?

I haven’t been this “hungry” for something more from God in a long time. I’m so hungry for it that it almost moves me to tears.  And I’m trying to be patient (which isn’t easy for me.) I’m trying to remind myself that God’s timing is perfect and that I wouldn’t want any less. I wouldn’t be content with anything less!

Yet there it still exists in my heart. That longing – that desire – that dream.

I know that all the details of what I long for may not happen. I know that if I look at them in realistic eyes that they may even be impossible. But doesn’t God love to work in the impossible? And doesn’t He want us to dream audacious prayers? So I think – “Why not?” Why can’t He fulfill my heart’s desires?

If I’m sitting here saying, “God, I’m ready to be used by you in a larger way,” – why wouldn’t He take me up on my offer?

I have to remember that God’s ideas and mine don’t always mesh. And I have to remember that oftentimes blessings come with great sacrifice. Am I ready to sacrifice something that might be hard for me? When it came down to it – would I?

So I sit here thinking, “Just what would He require of me?”

And there is my answer. I think God sometimes simply wants to prepare, equip, and teach us. I think He wants to take us to that next level so IF the time should come to let go of what we aren’t wanting to, that we can do it more readily knowing there is always a cost to His call.

I’m still feeling hungry right now for God’s direction. I’m still dreaming big. I’m still of the frame of mind that my God can do what everyone else doubts. But I’m also more contemplative – more cautious, instead of ready to jump in with both feet. I’m ready to ponder those things that God might ask of me. I’m ready to look within and see just how unselfish I can be in giving up and being stretched in those areas where He may call me to sacrifice.

I’m hoping that I can come to terms with giving more into His hands than I’d originally thought so that when He DOES call – that I will be both ready and equipped.  And that the sacrifice won’t come as a hardship at all; but as a gift to Him with arms and hands ready to hand it over.

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