Friday, December 21, 2012

I Can't Breathe

The hunger. It’s unbearable sometimes. The hunger of wanting certain things to happen in life. Of wanting to see and feel God, first hand.

I am so hungry for some things in my life that at times it feels like I can’t breathe.

Have you ever felt that way?

Do you ever feel like the passion that lives inside of you just grows and grows? Your wants get bigger and bigger. Wants for change. For hope. For renewal. For a WORD from God.

It’s a hunger. A thirst that cannot be quenched.

It sits there and you feel like you will burst into tears from the drive of it all.

It hurts to breathe.

I get on my knees and I bare my soul before my Lord. I ask Him for clarity. Wisdom. Direction. Relief.

And then somehow I have to go on with the ordinary-ness of my day. As if I don’t desire more. Better.

My life is good. Very good. I have been blessed and loved. My needs have been met. Always. For my God is so faithful.

Yet here I stand. Waiting. For a very long time. For some deep and important questions and desires to be answered. To be realized.

I want to breathe in fresh air. Clean air. I want to breathe freely and openly of the joy that only God can bestow on a person. Feel the tenderness of His touch.

I hunger for more of Him. More of “better.” I don’t just want good. I want “best.”

I don’t want to have to fight to explain my dreams, my desires, my wishes. I just want to pursue. I want to be the ME that I know He has created me to be. The ME that can only be full when those prayers are answered.

I want to breathe in deeply. And have God be so close to me that I can smell Him. And know Him. KNOW that He reached down and touched me. Because He loves me.

And just because He could.

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