Friday, April 19, 2013

Nobody Really Wants To Hear About It

I’ve learned something. I’ve learned that people don’t really want to hear negative things. Not the things that come from the heart.

People don’t want to hear that we’re not doing fine. They don’t want to hear how we don’t feel valued, how we feel like no one understands us, or we’re just having a crummy day because we don’t feel special.

Trust me. Most people just don’t know how to deal with stuff like that. They look at you like you are from Mars. They just want you to get over your little “pity party” and be happy again. They can deal with happy. They KNOW happy.

Most people aren’t going to be there for you when you need it. They want to be. But they won’t be. It takes extra special people to know when to step in just when you need it the most.  Those rare people whom no life is ever the same once you meet them. It’s as if God placed them on earth just for you. To understand. To love. To listen.

But for most of us – when we struggle with internal feelings and emotions? Nobody really wants to hear about it.

And I’m sorry. I’m sorry on behalf of every person reading this who needs somebody to WANT to hear about it. I’m sorry if you don’t feel valued. If you feel like you are being swallowed whole by those around you and don’t know where YOU begin anymore.  I’m sorry if you want just one person to do something for you not because they HAVE to, but because they CHOSE to. I’m so sorry.

I know what it’s like. In fact, we all do. We’ve all had those moments and those days. We’ve all cried because we felt taken for granted or underappreciated. We feel invisible and used.

I want you to know you’re not alone. And your bad day WILL pass. It hurts right now, but you will have a time and a moment when you won’t hurt like that. You won’t feel what you are now feeling. 

There will be a day where you will feel loved. You will feel valued and appreciated. You will feel special. And on that day, remember this one. Remember how you hung in there. How you stayed the course and stayed true to your heart even when it felt like the world was against you.

Then take those feelings and look for someone around you. Look for someone who isn’t quite smiling. Isn’t quite fitting in. And offer them a hug. Go past the “how are you” to “how can I pray for you?” Look for the glistening eyes and the trembling lips to know that someone is having that same attack that you had – the attack of doubts.

You don’t have to have all the answers for them. Just love them. Be there for them at least until they feel stronger again. And remind them they are valued.

For you know how it feels. And you know what it’s like to feel like nobody wants to listen. Nobody wants to deal with the negative emotions and the bad feelings. 

Know and step in. Know and love.


Sara said...

I'm struggling with this, people telling me I shouldn't be writing about my grief. That I need to move on, moving on doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Dionna said...

Sara, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this lately. I think writing about your grief can be a very healing process. Just do it for yourself and no one else.

I do think there is a time when we need to move on - for everyone that time is different. Grieve, heal, learn and grow and get stronger from it and then you can still carry a piece of "that thing" with you, but it is important to move on to a healthier, stronger place.

Hugs to you.