Abandoned

There are times in life where you can feel abandoned by friends. By family.

You don’t think it was intentional. You don’t even think they realized you felt that way. But you did. And you have.

It’s so easy to put a smile on your face. To act cheerful. To be loving and kind. Nice. It’s who you are. And yet underneath exist layers. Layers that feel many other things. Loneliness. Hurt. Unqualified. Insecure.  Yes – good layers exist too. Thankfulness. Joy. Peace. Hope. But they are all mixed in there together.

Some days the “not-so-attractive” layers rise to the surface. And the good layers are buried underneath. For it can be hard to continue day after day when you feel neglected, not appreciated, taken for granted, and abandoned.

It’s the curse of a nice person. That feeling by others that you will always be there. Always there to rely on. Always understanding. Always THERE.

Then life changes. Things change. And people tell you how sorely missed you will be and it can be so hard to understand. Missed, you think? Did you even know I was there? Sure, you get nice smiles, and sometimes even a hug. But that is as far as it goes.

Where were the “others” when you spent holiday after holiday at home alone with your spouse and children because no one invited you over? Even though they knew you had no family nearby? Where were the “others” when you had party after party and yet no one offered to even have you over for dinner? Where were the “others” when the conventions came into town or the other occasions and groups formed to go together – but you weren’t included?

But – now. Now you will be missed? Ironic, isn’t it?

We don’t always see what’s right in front of us until it’s taken away. We don’t always appreciate. We aren’t always thankful. It’s easy to expect what’s always given will always be given.

Usually it’s the givers, the servers in life who are the loneliest. It’s the leaders who need encouragement the most, at times. For they pour out, and pour out, and pour out, and pour out – and don’t often or easily get refilled.

So you go home. And the phone doesn’t ring. The doorbell stays silent.

The burden of being nice. Of being reliable is that you are expected to fit into a box. One that doesn’t change. Or move. Or have its own ideas or agenda. You are expected to conform to expectations, demands, and needs of others. And forget your own in the process.

And that’s where you feel abandoned. Left out in the cold to fight for your own dreams. Your own vision for your life – lest you conform so much that you forget who you are anymore.

Fight. Fight for yourself and the gifts that you’ve been given.

Don’t let the hurt and lonely layers take over your heart. For they can so easily do that. A little space at times is okay. For feelings need to be acknowledged in order to be whole. But then let them fuel you to positive action and positive, caring people.

For abandonment will come again. That’s what people do. They are human. But this time, you will be wiser. Stronger. Better able to see it coming.

And you will be ready.