Wednesday, October 22, 2014

When You Want To Shut Out The World

Sometimes I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to be a “trooper.” There are times where I don’t want to bite my tongue –I’d much rather say what I’m really thinking and feeling.

Some days, I don’t feel like being nice. I don’t want to be reliable, or dependable.

I’m human.

On those days, and in those moments, I just want to run away. Or hide, depending on my mood. I want to shut out the world for a minute or a few hours, and just be with myself. Be FOR myself.

I want to cry on those days. I want to yell out loud about how unfair I think things are, or how I’m fed up with someone. I want to be everything BUT dependable so that people don’t take me for granted.

I want to be selfish.

Some days.

I am thankful that I’m on time. I like that I watch what I say and how I say it. I try to be a person of integrity and character and I like that about myself. I really wouldn’t change that. Not for a second.

So when I’m feeling those things – what they are really telling me is that I’m at my limit. They tell me that I’ve neglected my needs or that I’ve overdone things. They tell me that I need to take a fresh look at my boundaries.

We all have those low moments where we say or think things we might not ever consider thinking or saying when we are feeling stronger and more stable. It’s okay. But it’s important not to take actions during those times – knowing that we are in a “low” moment. It’s important not to say things we might regret, or do something that could harm ourselves or someone else, in a way that can’t be fixed.

It’s a low moment. A bad day. A hard time. That’s it.

It will go, just as it came. With one breath, one rush of air, or one sunrise. It will go.

So hang in there. Hold on tightly. Stay soft. Stay strong. For if anything is truly FOR you, faith, hope and love are. If you need to run, run for a bit. If you need to hide, hide for a bit. But regroup. Recharge. And start tomorrow again.

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