Everything You Do, Says Something About Who You Are

Everything I do, says something about who I am.

When I play a game, I can’t just cheat and then say, “it was just a game.” No – how I play that game says a lot about my character and values.

The same is true for my work ethic on the job, my honesty with money, how I treat others while I’m driving – and even, how often I go to church, or in what condition I leave my table in, at a restaurant.

EVERYTHING, that you and I do – reflects on who we are, what we believe about others, and about ourselves.

We may think a lot of the things we do, don’t matter in the grander scheme of things in life. We may think no one is watching, or that someone else deserves our reaction, or attitude. But the thing is – it’s not about THEM. It’s about US.

Who I am, matters to me. It matters to my spouse. It matters to my kids and my friends. And it matters to my Lord.

Companies are now checking into social media accounts like twitter and facebook to see how someone carries themselves. Drunk photos? Swearing in your statuses? Badmouthing someone else? You may not get the job. Because WHO YOU ARE MATTERS.

We never just represent ourselves. We always represent someone else, as well as ourselves. Our parents. Our faith. Our employer. Our church. Our city.

We matter.  We matter because we are valuable.  We are worth something.  Shouldn’t we start acting like it? Shouldn’t we start BELIEVING it?

Dress – like you matter.

Carry yourself – like you matter.

Speak – like you matter.

For everything you do, and everything you are, matters.  Whether you feel forgotten, overlooked, or ignored – you matter.

Start believing it. Start acting like it. And start feeling it.

We Say We Believe

The mouth. It’s one of the most powerful weapons we have. What we say, how we say it… it can wound someone else for the rest of their life.

We say we believe in God.

We say we love God.

We go to church and we sing praise songs with our hands in the air.

And then we turn around and wound someone in our own family with our words. We don’t even look back. We don’t even regret. We just lash out with little thought to the damage our words cause.

We get too “me-focused.”

THEY should have known better. THEY needed to hear that. THEY should get over it. THEY, THEY, THEY.  With little to no responsibility taken on our own shoulders.

But…we DO believe, we rationalize.

How can we say we believe in a God, that we don’t try to be like? 

Our belief needs to go deeper. Further.

When we believe in something, or someone – it should come out in how we speak and act. So that belief should play itself out in how we treat others.

It can be so easy to treat strangers better than we treat our own family, at times. After all, a family member can’t walk out on us. (In theory). A family member is stuck with us for life. And we are comfortable to truly speak our minds with them. But – it is our family members who should get our deepest love and loyalty. For they ALSO see us at our worst. They see every flaw – not just the good face we put on for others. And they still love us. Still accept us. Still BELIEVE in us.

Yes, that’s what belief does. That’s what God does for us. And if we say we believe in Him, it’s what we should also do for others. Not just strangers, but our siblings, our parents, our friends.

Treasure their hearts. Treat them with care. Speak in love. Show them they matter to us. Because HE matters to us.

Someone Is Fighting For You

Some days it can be hard to feel noticed. Some days, let’s admit it, we feel alone. Not valued. Ignored.

I think of all the people I’m currently praying for. And I think of all the people I HAVE prayed for in the past. I think of the people who have told me that they have prayed for me. And this one thing I know – SOMEONE IS FIGHTING FOR YOU through prayer.

I know we all struggle with self esteem, and value at times. But I also know, that there have been people who have cared enough to pray for you. They’ve prayed when you’ve asked, and they’ve probably cared enough to pray for you when you DIDN’T ask. Because they love you.

There are people in your life, and in my life, who pray for us specifically, and unspecifically. They pray because they know of challenges and struggles in our life, and they pray because God prompts them to.

I know that if you are a child, chances are so great, that your parents, grandparents, or aunts and uncles have fought for you through prayer. Maybe they’ve physically fought for you, as well. But they’ve fought for your future… for your life.

If you live in a neighborhood, go to work, are involved in a small group, or have friendships – I’m betting that someone in your circle has brought you before the Lord in prayer. They have waged a battle on your behalf – out of their love, care, and concern for you.

We may feel alone some days. We may feel neglected. Maybe we don’t feel like we are anything special. We wonder, “why me?”  But I’m here to tell you, that you are cared for. You are thought of. It may have been by me. I’ve prayed for classmates, workmates, friends, family members, people in the news, people in the government, names of friends of friends who are concerned – and more. And, you may not have been prayed for by me, but by someone else. But you have most likely been prayed for – at least once – by someone who cared for you.

Let that digest a little bit. Let that sink in.  Someone thought of you. Someone prayed for you. And they may even be doing it now. Today.

You are wanted. You are needed. You are loved.

And someone is fighting for you.

Ouch! That Hurts!

Do you ever feel like God is just tweaking you? I mean that he seems to be cutting, chiseling, molding, sculpting, pushing, and pulling on you everywhere – bit by bit?

Sometimes I feel this way. I feel like the “me” that I thought was doing all right was decidedly not because God decides to show me all sorts of areas that fall short, need fixing, are selfish, prideful, or stubborn. Gosh, I hate that. It’s usually an especially painful process which for me – oftentimes means embarrassment, humbling, or tears being shed in some sort of way. I can often think, “How did I not see that, “or “How did I let that area of my life go on in that way without it being checked?”

Painful, I tell ya.

Then the road of life continues on and months go by. Things improve and I improve. (Usually).  I try to learn from my mistakes, mind you! And I look back and see in hindsight, that the tweaking was needed. That I like myself better because of the thorns that God removed.

The problem is – I know those seasons will come again. They always come. It’s a part of life. And I believe if I’m truly seeking His heart and wanting to grow and be the best for Him that I can be – that that will mean at some point that God will need to “tweak” me again. For life can so easily creep in! It sneaks in with the dark and I’m oftentimes not even aware that it happened.

For me – as much as I hate those seasons of molding and chiseling, I’m so thankful for them. For I don’t want to be left in those conditions. Not when I get to the other side and can look back and see what has now been refined.

I love that about my God. I love that He sees into the future and knows just what I need, just WHEN I need it.  I’m so grateful He’s never content to leave me “less than…”

He really does hear our prayers. If we ask Him to show us the way – He will. It’s just that when we ask, we don’t usually think of the sculpting that needs to be done on us in the process.

When We Give In

I can be a very stubborn person. I don’t like to “give in” if I feel very strongly about my stance, view, or position on something. But over time, I’ve been learning a few very important lessons about “giving in.”

“Giving In” doesn’t necessarily mean I was wrong and the other person was right. Sometimes, it means that I value the relationship more than I value my position of having to feel and “be” right.  It may mean I’m choosing to pick my battles and this particular one wasn’t as hefty as I know some others might be. But it doesn’t mean I was wrong.

“Giving In” doesn’t mean that I’m weak. Like I said, I can be stubborn. I can hold onto my pride if I feel I might be embarrassed, humiliated, or look foolish.  So at times, “giving in” can be the last thing I want to do. But sometimes you have to “give in” for the sake of sanity. For the sake of your emotional and physical well-being. For the sake of relationships.  You have to choose your priorities. I need to realize that I can swallow my pride more easily, than I can repair a broken relationship. I’m learning, that it takes greater strength to “give in,” at times, than it does to hold my ground. Holding our ground can be easy; but to make a choice we wouldn’t prefer or would rather not do? That takes greater strength. And greater love.

“Giving In’ doesn’t mean I’m giving up.  It means I value something greater.  Of course not every situation should demand that I “give up.” If something is morally or legally wrong, I should always stand firm in what I value and believe. If someone could be in danger? Never “give in” to hiding it.  But normally, life asks me to “give in” on a smaller scale. Those issues may be very important to me, but are not life-altering for someone.

We dig our feet in so many times, in life. We can be selfish and stubborn in the quest for someone to simply acknowledge “we were right.” But in the end, “rightness” doesn’t always win. Sometimes you have to let something go, for the ability to simply be able, to move on in life. To get past it and to grow.

You can still be strong. You can still be compassionate. You can still be “right.” But by “giving in,” you can now, also, move forward. And sometimes, that is what is needed the most.

We Get Hung Up On the "But's...."

We are “hard-to-please” people.  We desire, wish for, and want things in our lives. But then when we get them, they often don’t seem to be perfect for us. They should have come sooner, lasted longer, had different people involved in them.

We get hung up on the “but’s.”

“But…. God, if only I would have moved here 3 years ago!”

“But…. I had to give up this, in order to get that.”

“But…..it didn’t last long enough.”

We are thankful, BUT, not thankful enough.

We are happy, BUT, not happy enough.

There is always something missing. Something “more” we wish would have been added to the picture.

It’s not enough for us, that we get answers to prayer, because they don’t measure up to what our expectations of them were.

Oh, how ungrateful, and how unthankful we can be!

I’ve caught myself, many times, saying, “But….” And yes, I did feel the feelings and thoughts of those very “but’s.” I do wish some things were different. Stronger. Longer. Gentler. More beautiful.  But I do not want to diminish the gift they already are! I do not want to think so much on what didn’t come with my answered prayer, that I fail to see what did!

A “but,” is only our refusal to accept what is. It’s our denial and stubbornness at play. It’s our pride.

God does SO much for us. He sends us jobs, money, friendships, healed relationships, new homes, and sooo much more. His timing and His ways are perfect. So we can forget about wishing that our answered prayers had come sooner, lasted longer, or arrived in a different package. They are just how God wants them to be for us.

Perfect.

May we stop getting hung up on those “but’s…..” in our lives. They only interfere with our joy and blessings. 

Let’s notice them when they come, and stop them in their tracks. Before they start arriving too often.

When Your Hiding Place Has Become a Home

What battles have you waged in your life? What is it, that makes you feel like your heart and soul are locked in a cage? Do you feel free to be YOU? Do you feel labeled, defined, stuck in a role?

Have you put yourself there?

There are so many things in life that have hurt us. Ever since we were little, we have become broken pieces. Bit by bit.

All of us.

Some of us, allow ourselves to be put back together again. We wear the scars, but we are able to find beauty in the broken parts of our lives. Others of us, we just – stay – broken.

Somehow, we don’t know how to get fixed. We are lost.

We hide behind food and weight. Drugs. Alcohol. Achievement. Success. Perfectionism. Service. A smile, perhaps. But we hide.

We’ve hidden so long, we don’t even know we are hiding anymore. Our hiding place has become home.

Oh, precious soul. There is so much more beauty, joy, and love to be found in your life! You don’t have to hide. Not anymore.

You can be fixed. You can find wholeness. You will have scars – always. But those scars can only prove that you are a survivor. You made it.

You overcame.

“It” didn’t win over you.

You can help others. Those others who struggle with the same things. You can help them find their voice, their joy. Their beauty.

And in doing so – you will find yours.

You will see how your story has made you even more beautiful.

Those tears don’t have to fall forever. They don’t have to fall in private.  Bring them out into the light.

Let yourself be loved. Let yourself heal.

You deserve that. There are people out there, ready to help you. They are reaching for you with open arms. Grab hold and step out of your hiding spot.

You don’t need it anymore.

When You Feel Like You Are Doing the “Loving,” More Than the “Being Loved”

Man, I hate disappointment. I hate it when someone lets me down. I know it will happen from time to time in life, but I still hate it when it’s my turn, or my families’ turn to experience it.

Heartache.  No fun any way you look at it.

Relationships are tricky. Emotions – overwhelming. They sneak up on you at times, and take over.

You can think something wouldn’t bother you – but then it does.

You can think you’d be brave in a certain situation, but then you’re not.

It’s the intricacies of loving and being loved.  Sometimes we feel like we are doing more of the loving, than of the “being loved.”

And boy, does it stink.

I wish I could tell you there is a way around it. I wish that I had some magical words to help you take these moments with stride.

I don’t.

For I haven’t been able to figure out how to take them in stride, myself. Not for me – and certainly not as a wife and mama; when I see my family members disappointed by others.

What I do know, is that sometimes you win some, and sometimes you lose some. Sometimes others bless us, and sometimes they neglect us. It’s a “spin the wheel” kind of thing. And you never know just who it will land on. The more you care for someone, the more it hurts when they are the ones who disappoint.

It can be easy for me to want to bail on someone when they disappoint me. I want to say, “I’m done.” For if they so obviously don’t care as much as I do, why invest the time? And I do believe healthy boundaries should be set in relationships so you don’t set yourself up to be hurt over and over and over again. So you don’t set yourself up to be used.

But, I also believe – no, I KNOW, that I have disappointed others. And I didn’t mean to.  I would never intentionally hurt someone else. So, maybe, I need to give others the same grace that I would like extended to me when I disappoint.

Grace.  And mercy.

I would still like to enjoy “being loved” as much as I enjoy “loving.” I would still like to be blessed, instead of neglected. But I know I can’t go through life accepting one, without the other. That’s not how it works.

So, I continue to love. And I continue to get hurt.

And I continue to live. 


That's the price of love.

Forgive Yourself

Ever since we were little, most of us were told to forgive. We had to forgive our siblings when they hit us, or stole our candy, or did something not nice. We were to forgive that mean girl in class, and the neighborhood bully.

Because it was the right thing to do.

That still didn’t mean we didn’t get hurt. Our feelings got hurt as we grew up. Sometimes, we physically got hurt.  And a lot of us stopped wanting to forgive.

It’s easier at times, to lash out at someone who does something stupid, than to focus on our own short fallings.  We want to protect ourselves. We want to stop from getting hurt any more. Ever.

But in our quest to stop hurting, we forget to acknowledge some of our own feelings. Some of those feelings that have turned inward on ourselves. 

“Maybe that person was right.”

“Maybe I don’t deserve this.”

“Maybe I should have stood up for myself more.”

Maybe. Those maybe’s can kill us inside.

Chances are, some things in life were our fault. But some, were not. Only we know for sure. But we can’t keep living there – in those moments of pain. The more we try to stuff down those hurts, the harder it is to move on and be free.

Yes, we need to forgive. If only to release ourselves from the grasp someone else has on us. If only to understand and know, that we too, will need forgiving for something we do at some point, somewhere in time.

But it takes time. And it takes love.

Do you love yourself enough to be able to let go of your hatred? Your bitterness? Your anger?

It’s okay. It’s okay to be happy, even though you went through great sorrow.

It’s okay to laugh, even when you’ve shed so many tears.

It’s okay to want to be alone at times. Or not to be alone at times.

Your feelings are yours alone. Yours to feel. Yours to embrace. For feelings keep us soft. They keep us moving and growing.

So forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for holding onto something that is so personal. Something that impacted you in such a great way. You’ve been hurt.

But forgive and let it go. Release it. Don’t carry it with you anymore.

It’s time to be free from those hurts and not let them own you any more.

This Need We Have, For Acceptance

From the moment we are born, it seems that we all crave acceptance. It starts with our babies craving to be held and loved. And it continues on throughout our whole lives. This need we have. For acceptance.

For some of us, this need is fostered by families who never seemed to value, or appreciate us. For others of us, there’s something inside of us, that truly seems to be our own worst enemy, as we look out into the world and see others who we think are better, more beautiful, smarter, more gracious, more athletic – whatever. Whatever it is that we think we are lacking.

We often, don’t give ourselves a chance. Not when we think we’d be better off if we were someone else.

That’s why “he’s” are changing into “she’s.” “She’s” are changing into “he’s.”  “He’s are liking “He”s instead of “She’s” and vice versa. There is no self-acceptance.

The thing is – if we can’t accept ourselves, no one else will ever accept us either. We can change our looks, our gifts, our jobs, our surroundings – but we are still “we” on the inside. Our brains, our organs, our very souls – cannot be changed. We were made to be who we are.

Everyone – EVERYONE – is a gift. A unique, special, priceless gift. EVERYONE has something to add of value to this world. Sometimes, yes, we are hindered by others in our life, or our surroundings. It may take courage and great strength to seek out healthier environments and input into our lives. But who we have in our lives, doesn’t change who WE are. No one can put a label on us that we don’t accept!

We all have a God-given identity. And it’s beautiful. We can spit in the face of it, we can try to change it – but it still exists underneath all of those layers.

YOU are valuable. YOU are irreplaceable. YOU have what it takes to be a man, to be a woman, to be a husband or a wife. Believe in yourself. Believe in the God who made you. It’s the only way you will ever truly feel peace. It’s the only way you will ever truly feel love.

Accept yourself as you were made. For you were not a mistake. You were not a “mess-up.”

You were – and – are – a gift. And you can’t be replaced. If you lose yourself, we lose you too.

You are loved for being you. The REAL you. The “created” you.

I promise.

There Will Always Be Someone Who Doesn't Understand You

Can you live with it if you’re never understood?  That thought occurred to me one day when I was “rationalizing” in my head how someone was never going to understand what I’m all about or what I do.

And I wish they did. But, I’ve come to accept that they may never appreciate who I really am. They may never completely understand who I am as a person, or what I do for my family, or for others.

I’ve come a long way.

There were times in life where I’d fret and toil in my heart and head over the fact that someone didn’t “get” me. Now, I understand that there will always be someone in life who DOESN’T “get” me. There will always be someone who doesn’t like me. Someone who misunderstands what I’m about.

I will be misjudged.

I don’t like it. I don’t want it. But I’m making peace with it.

I’m making peace with the fact that some people will never understand my heart and soul because I’m learning to accept myself more. I’m learning to have more peace with who I am, and I’m learning to place more value in what God thinks of me, than the world.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I don’t have wishes of understanding or acceptance. It simply means I’ve decided not to prioritize those thoughts in my head. I don’t want to give them space where they can tamper with something good and valuable that I’m doing (and being).

I am who God has made me to be. And I’m trying to be the best ‘me’ that there can be. That has to be enough. It has to carry me through the times when others think less of me than I’d want or prefer.

Some people may never appreciate you. They may never truly understand who you are. They may never “get” your heart. That doesn’t mean their assessment of you is right. It simply means they don’t understand. But I promise you, there WILL be people who DO understand you and DO get your heart , for God always tries to encourage our hearts when we’re doing our best to stay the course in life.

Friend, you and I will both be misjudged at times. Many more times, probably. And I’m sorry for you, for those times. But I pray that you can accept who you are enough to carry you through those frustrating moments. For you are valuable, and valued for the unique and special person that you are.

Just “be” the best “you” that you can be. Find peace in that.  I have.

There Is No Timetable For Healing

There is no timetable for healing. You can’t rush the process of healing.

We are all so different. One person might be in shock over something for awhile, while someone else gets angry immediately and gets it out of their system. Another person may not even register what they are feeling for awhile – their emotions are delayed. They come at another time and place when they are least suspecting it.  (And often, with force.)

So, with all the differences of dealing with hurts, losses, tragedies, and grief… who are we to say when the right time is for someone to “get over it?”

I think it’s important that we extend grace to one another. None of us sits in someone else’s shoes – or heart, for that matter.  We can’t force someone to stop thinking about a loved one, to think LONGER about a loved one, or to not have ‘after-effects’ that last years or longer from something tragic in their lives. For we all register big hurts and losses on different scales.  That doesn’t mean that one person cares more than another, just that we sift through those feelings and deal with them at a different rate and manner.

I believe in always being respectful and gracious. Certain situations and losses in life demand a certain level of respect and honor. That being said, I also believe that it’s important to move on with our lives. It’s vital to keep moving forward and growing as a person. That can be hard to fathom when you’re in the beginning stages of grief or healing. But at some point, there have to be steps taken to keep on living and to live life to the fullest.

We are still here. We survived. And even though we may have hurt in a way that no person should have to – our lives still have meaning. We can turn that pain into something constructive, good, helpful, and generous to someone else who may be a little bit further back on the road that we just came on.

I wish life had less hurts. I wish parents didn’t lose babies or children. I wish no one ever had to make the decision to “pull the plug” on someone who lay in a coma. I wish no person was ever abused, raped, bullied, or kidnapped. There is a great deal of evil out there. A great deal that is unfair.

We will ALL go through hurts in life. None of us escapes unscathed. So we should all understand what it feels like to be hurting. To shed tears and to feel great pain.  We can use that understanding to offer love to one another and give each other the freedom to work through their suffering on their timetable – and at their comfortable pace.

As long as someone IS working through whatever that awful “IT” is, that’s all that matters. Love them and be there for them.

Even if it takes years.

What's The Worst That Can Happen?

I have fears. I have things I internally struggle with.  I have pretty good instincts and sometimes I fear what is coming because I pretty much know what it’s going to be. And that ‘thing’ is something I either dread, or don’t want.

Years ago, I learned to start challenging my own fearful thoughts. I started asking myself “what is the worst thing that can happen? And if that happens, can I handle it? Can I survive? Can I deal with it?”  Usually, the answer is ‘yes.’ It may not be what I want. It may hurt. But I can usually see that I will survive it and come out the other side of it somewhere.

It’s helped me. It’s helped me grow courage in otherwise vulnerable areas in my heart and life.

I still have fears. I still have struggles. But I can look at them from a more stable stance.

Life is full of curves. If only we could plan out our own path – right? But we can’t. We have so little control. We deal with a lot of things in life because of someone else’s choices. And we have to move on. We have to figure out how to navigate those things, especially when we didn’t really want them to be a part of our story, or our ‘life picture.’

We are stronger than we think.

So, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” And if it happens, cry about it. Yell, Kick something. Grieve over the loss.  Then let that moment shift. Adjust to it. And move forward on that new ground and in that new territory.

You can do it. You may not like it, but you can do it. And so can I.

You Have To Understand, That No One May Understand

A husband can always think that he works harder than his wife. The wife on the other hand, will never be convinced that her job is not harder than her husband’s.

A military wife deals with her husband being gone for extended durations at a time. She will never understand how another wife can get so scared and weak, when her husband goes out of town for just two nights.

They are differences of perspective, to be sure. And life is full of them. Someone will always feel one way, while someone else will come along and challenge those very feelings that they, themselves, have conquered or endured on a greater scale.

Neither person is right or wrong. We are all simply living different lives on different scales. We all have different pressure points that are weaknesses for us. God made some of us to be tougher, and others of us to be softer. Both are beautiful in their ability to handle the life they’ve been given.

The thing is, it doesn’t help us when we are the ones going through something and we feel like our feelings are cast aside, laughed at (possibly), or ignored.  We want to feel validated. Listened to. Helped!

You have to understand, that there are some times in life, where no one may understand. Ever.

I know. It stinks. But there are just some things in life where it seems we are meant to go through them, alone. Only with our feelings, thoughts, and our God. And somehow, we have to reconcile with them.

It is good, to see what others have been able to handle. It shows us we have the ability to be stronger and tougher than we thought we could be. It’s also good to learn to be empathetic to someone else’s position and point of view – even if we feel they should handle it better. We are not them. We don’t live with their struggles – so how can we possibly ridicule someone for not being like us?

It is true. There will be times where it seems as if no one in the world understands us. (As a reminder, our God does. And He’s with us in those times.)  During these moments and challenging seasons, try to think of how you will navigate what you’re going through, if there is no one who will ever understand. Will it change your feelings? Will it impact your choices and actions?

Sometimes the times where I’ve gained the most strength, are the times where I’ve decided for myself that it doesn’t matter if no one else understands. I UNDERSTAND. And I’m committed to my viewpoint. Sure, it would be encouraging to get the affirmation of those around me – but it may not come. And if I can understand this and make some choices that will help me help myself, then that’s what I must do.

People will let us down. They will disappoint. But we can always learn how to take care of our own emotions and feelings by setting boundaries in our lives, being proactive with certain choices and decisions, and finding ways to encourage ourselves and help keep us going.

My friend, I wish with all my heart that someone would understand your feelings. But they may not. And they may not understand me. That doesn’t mean they are right and you are wrong or vice versa. It simply means they don’t walk in your shoes and see things from where you are standing.

Hang in there. Keep seeking God’s wisdom and guidance. And use this time to remind yourself to offer understanding to someone else when they seek it. For you will then know, what it’s like to stand in the shoes of the misunderstood.

Stopping Emotions From Becoming Tornadoes

A woman’s emotions. Those emotions that fuel our decisions, choices, and attitudes on any given day.

Those same emotions don’t just affect the choices we make, but they affect our whole family.

Storms and tirades of anger spewed out – radiate throughout our home and land on our precious loved children at times.  Feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, depression, or discouragement rake through as well.

It can be so hard to contain those feelings… those emotions that surge through us.

I don’t know about you, but I feel horrible anytime I look at the aftermath of a ‘lost’ emotion going astray and having its way on my kids or my spouse. But “after” is always too late to do something about it. If only I could have controlled myself in the process!

How can we keep our attitudes in check? How can we spare our families’ the pain of being in our warpath, at the wrong time or place?

There are many ways you can motivate and inspire yourself. There are things you CAN do to set boundaries up ahead of time, to keep you on a more ‘level’ path, so that you don’t explode.

~ You can put inspirational quotes, thoughts, or scripture verses up and around the house where you see them. If anger is an issue, put a verse near your kitchen sink or bathroom mirror that speaks specifically on holding the tongue. Find verses or quotes that speak specifically to the emotion you are struggling with. (Hobby Lobby has great quotes on metal that you can purchase for $10 or less and place in your home as encouragement).

~ Have your family members or good friends gently give you a signal when they sense you are getting a little edgy. Maybe “dad” needs to step in and take over for you at bedtime with the kiddos. Maybe it’s a hug given for no reason – but bring them in on things and allow them to step through the process with you.

~ Pray! Pray together with your husband. With your kids. Pray on your knees, or while you shower or wash the dishes. Pray. Pray often.

~Join a Bible Study or small group. Sometimes having a ‘commitment’ that forces you to have some quiet time, or an outlet to share your feelings is truly all that is needed. It’s like letting that boiling steam out of the kettle. It’s an outlet.

~ Get more rest. Set your alarm while the kids are at school and take a short nap. Go to bed early, if possible, or sleep in later on the weekend while your spouse tends to the morning routine. Rest is vital in maintaining focus.

~ Go on a walk. Go with your spouse, or take your whole family. The little ones can ride in the stroller and bigger ones can walk or take their bikes. But there is something about being out in the fresh air, while exercising, that breathes much needed calmness into the brain.

Whatever tactic you use to guide you and to help you balance your emotions – let it be something that encourages you and inspires you as you learn to change your emotional habits.

Being a mom is grueling at times - with no escape or breaks.  Finding a system to help you process anger, frustration, or stress, is not just smart, but it will be a lifesaver to you during the extra difficult times. You will find you’re able to handle things more how you’d like to handle them – instead of letting your emotions take over all of the time.

Emotions aren’t bad. They are just signals that something is going on a little bit deeper. Listen to those signals and tame the tornado that can devastate a precious heart – without you even meaning to let it happen.

It's Ok to Fail. That's How You Grow.

I can be very hard on myself when I mess up or make mistakes. I know I’m not perfect, but it can be hard for me to swallow embarrassment or moments that I call “failures.”

I try to do my best. My best at being a mom. A wife. And a woman. I try to keep my home in order, so struggle when someone runs out of underwear and I’m behind on laundry. I try to be involved in my kids’ lives, so feel disappointed when they don’t want me there or I can’t be there.

Moms – can you relate?

But I’m learning. I’m learning that trying to be ALL to everyone is futile. It’s frazzling.

No one is perfect. Certainly not me. Not those celebrity moms who are back to their pre-baby weight a week after birth. No one.

It’s good to hold ourselves to certain standards. But some standards are too far out of reach. It’s impossible to go through life and not fail at some point.  If we can allow ourselves the freedom to make mistakes from time to time, and fail at things along the way – oh – how liberating!

We will gain so much more out of our journeys by learning to ask for help occasionally, and giving ourselves that freedom to not be perfect, than we will ever gain by stressing ourselves out trying to be something or someone we’re not.

Our families’ will be able to enjoy our presence more, as well as relax more. We will be happier as we learn to laugh at the missteps, and grow and become better from the learned lessons.

Failure may seem like a bad word. But it can be a stepping-stone to better things in our lives if we aren’t so afraid of it.

That’s how you grow.

When You Can't Move On

Stuck. Sometimes we’re just stuck.  Stuck in the past. Stuck in the moments that hurt us deeply. Stuck in what “wasn’t.” Stuck.

We live there, in the past. We wish. We hope. We mope about feeling sorry for ourselves and our bad luck. Our misfortunes. Our wasted dreams.

It doesn’t do us any good to be stuck. It’s not healthy and we need to learn how to move on with our lives. To move forward.

Yes. We were wronged.

Yes. We were hurt.

Yes. Someone took advantage of us.

Yes. We were lonely and ignored.

Yes. We could have been great at “that” thing.

Yes. We are dealing with someone else’s wrong choices and they affected us in an unfair way.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

It stinks. But we lived through it. We made it.

It was in the past and we are now in the present. It’s time to live in it, don’t you think?  Use what hurt you. Use it for good. Use it for growth. Use it to get stronger and better. Use it to help someone else.

The longer I live life, the more I see how life doesn’t go the way we thought it would go. Our nicely laid out plans and paths end up being detours and road blocks. What should be a smooth road is bumpy. What should be a straight shot is full of curves.

It’s life.

We have the opportunity to move forward with freedom, joy, and peace. We just need to come to terms with what has happened to us.

It is a part of our story. Not the best part, but a part. And we can use it to our advantage and the advantage of others. But we can’t stay ‘stuck’ back there; still living in that moment and time. We have to leave it back there and move forward.

What we’ve gone through will always be a part of us. But it can be a part of us that God can redeem and use for good.

Let Him.

Take a step today to move forward and find a new dream, a new purpose, and a new freedom in knowing that you weren’t conquered. You weren’t overcome.

Move forward. Make the choice to redefine your future into something beautiful. One step at a time.