Our Own Insecurities Can Sabotage Us

Insecurities. Ohhhh – those blasted insecurities! They can balloon into monsters in our hearts and lives. They can get out of control when WE don’t feel we are in control. They can ruin relationships. Hurt, feelings. Cause misunderstandings. All because we react to circumstances based on those same insecurities.

If we feel like we don’t have control of a situation….

If we jump ahead of a situation and react based on how we FEAR someone will act…..

If we let our feelings be hurt because someone didn’t choose to act or respond in a way we think they should have….

If we don’t feel as important as we want to feel….

….. we can let those insecurities damage our reputation. Because we let them rule and take over our heart and head. We let them tell us the way things SHOULD be. And we react. We REACT before we have all the information on someone or something. We REACT before we let ourselves calm down. We REACT before we really think about a situation and try to understand.

And we sabotage everything.

No one else sabotaged our relationship. WE did. Out of fear. Out of feelings of inadequacy. Out of loneliness. We did it to ourselves.

 Sometimes we have it all. We have the love of those in our lives. We have their trust. We have their loyalty. And then we damage everything by the way we handle things. By the way we react. The very things we fear start to happen. We lose their trust. We lose their loyalty. Their time invested in us.

It’s so frustrating to everyone involved.

Insecurities are never our friend. They are issues that lie within our own souls that need to be resolved. Healed. Addressed. Oftentimes, those insecurities are never echoed by those around us. They are merely shouted at us from our own voices. From Satan.

We are ALL flawed. We ALL mess up. It’s what makes us human. Unique. That doesn’t mean we aren’t still valuable. Gifted. Loved.

Listen to what God says about you and who you are. You are lovely. Beautiful. Delightful to Him. Made for a purpose. Repeat that to yourself over and over. And chase those insecurities out the door. Or at least squash them into smaller voices. Don’t let them ruin the beautiful things and relationships you have in your life. Don’t let them chase you into a corner where you only hear them speaking. Step out into the open and leave them in the shadows. Today.

Your life is a gift. It may not be wrapped perfectly –but it’s a gift just the same. Let others enjoy that gift. And let life be imperfect. That’s what makes it a beautiful story.

What Are They Scared Of?

They try to hide us. The world.

They try to pretend we don’t exist.

They want to shut us up. Put us down. Mock us. Prove we are lunatics. All because of our faith.

What are they scared of?

I think we make them see themselves as they are, as if they are looking in a mirror and seeing underneath their own skin – into their heart and soul, for the first time.

They don’t like what they see.

They don’t like what they think WE see.

But don’t they know, we still love them? HE still loves them?

Don’t they know we don’t mean them harm?

No.

They still do what they can to hurt us. Kill us. Imprison us. Take away our voice.

And yet the WORD lives on. It cannot be quenched. It cannot be killed.

And it never will. For God is the beginning and the end. The first and the last.

Now and forevermore.

And deep down – the world knows it. Maybe that’s why they run so scared.

This Need We Have, For Acceptance

From the moment we are born, it seems that we all crave acceptance. It starts with our babies craving to be held and loved. And it continues on throughout our whole lives. This need we have. For acceptance.

For some of us, this need is fostered by families who never seemed to value, or appreciate us. For others of us, there’s something inside of us, that truly seems to be our own worst enemy, as we look out into the world and see others who we think are better, more beautiful, smarter, more gracious, more athletic – whatever. Whatever it is that we think we are lacking.

We often, don’t give ourselves a chance. Not when we think we’d be better off if we were someone else.

That’s why “he’s” are changing into “she’s.” “She’s” are changing into “he’s.”  “He’s are liking “He”s instead of “She’s” and vice versa. There is no self-acceptance.

The thing is – if we can’t accept ourselves, no one else will ever accept us either. We can change our looks, our gifts, our jobs, our surroundings – but we are still “we” on the inside. Our brains, our organs, our very souls – cannot be changed. We were made to be who we are.

Everyone – EVERYONE – is a gift. A unique, special, priceless gift. EVERYONE has something to add of value to this world. Sometimes, yes, we are hindered by others in our life, or our surroundings. It may take courage and great strength to seek out healthier environments and input into our lives. But who we have in our lives, doesn’t change who WE are. No one can put a label on us that we don’t accept!

We all have a God-given identity. And it’s beautiful. We can spit in the face of it, we can try to change it – but it still exists underneath all of those layers.

YOU are valuable. YOU are irreplaceable. YOU have what it takes to be a man, to be a woman, to be a husband or a wife. Believe in yourself. Believe in the God who made you. It’s the only way you will ever truly feel peace. It’s the only way you will ever truly feel love.

Accept yourself as you were made. For you were not a mistake. You were not a “mess-up.”

You were – and – are – a gift. And you can’t be replaced. If you lose yourself, we lose you too.

You are loved for being you. The REAL you. The “created” you.

I promise.

What's The Worst That Can Happen?

I have fears. I have things I internally struggle with.  I have pretty good instincts and sometimes I fear what is coming because I pretty much know what it’s going to be. And that ‘thing’ is something I either dread, or don’t want.

Years ago, I learned to start challenging my own fearful thoughts. I started asking myself “what is the worst thing that can happen? And if that happens, can I handle it? Can I survive? Can I deal with it?”  Usually, the answer is ‘yes.’ It may not be what I want. It may hurt. But I can usually see that I will survive it and come out the other side of it somewhere.

It’s helped me. It’s helped me grow courage in otherwise vulnerable areas in my heart and life.

I still have fears. I still have struggles. But I can look at them from a more stable stance.

Life is full of curves. If only we could plan out our own path – right? But we can’t. We have so little control. We deal with a lot of things in life because of someone else’s choices. And we have to move on. We have to figure out how to navigate those things, especially when we didn’t really want them to be a part of our story, or our ‘life picture.’

We are stronger than we think.

So, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” And if it happens, cry about it. Yell, Kick something. Grieve over the loss.  Then let that moment shift. Adjust to it. And move forward on that new ground and in that new territory.

You can do it. You may not like it, but you can do it. And so can I.

There Will Always Be Critics

There are moments in life where we all feel like we just can’t seem to please anyone. It’s as if we are blasted from every side no matter what decision we make. 

We’ve all been there.

Those moments in time, hopefully, have taught me a thing or two.  The biggest thing I think I’ve learned from those “you can’t please anyone” moments are, that there will always be critics in your life.  If you achieve something you’ve worked hard for, there will be those who are jealous and feel like you are “lucky” or you don’t understand what being in their shoes is like. There are others who will deem you lazy or who think you lack perseverance, if you never achieve what you aim for.

It’s that way with almost everything in life.  There are those who won’t cheer you on no matter what you do. They may be jealous. They may be hurting inside and can’t come to a point where they can enjoy seeing you happy. They may be lonely. They may simply not understand.

Critics can hurt. Words do hurt and actions do hurt. So when someone criticizes you for something you’ve done, it’s normal to feel the sting of it. The thing is, we can’t let the sting stay with us for very long.

It has to be enough for us, that we know inside of our hearts that we are on the right path in our life. We have to know that we’ve prayed, sought God’s guidance, used the best wisdom, discernment, generosity (whatever the situation calls for) – that we can. We have to know that we are right with God. And that has to be enough for us. For the critics will shout, they will point, and they will glare at us no matter what.

Don’t let them win. Don’t let them steal your joy or your passion. Pray for them and then take their condemning voices out of your head.

God said we would be persecuted. It’s a given. So when the critics are aimed in your direction, just know that it’s a part of living the Christian life and walking the Christian walk. Stay humble, stay kind, and let God deal with the rest.

"What Could She Possibly Understand About Pain And Struggle?"

I’m not sure what others think about me as they read the words I write. I try to be transparent in the lessons I’m learning in life. I try to be authentic about my own shortcomings. I am very, very far from being a perfect person.

I try to be positive. And in that ‘gleaning’ of something good out of a lesson or life, I often wonder what others think of me as they read the words I write. If others might think I could never possibly understand what it’s like to live life in their shoes. To hurt. To be frustrated. To struggle.

It’s not that I live a charmed life. I live a real one. But I choose to see the blessings God has given me in that life. Not because I think I get more blessings than someone else – but because I’ve seen and felt times where there WAS pain, hardship, and struggle. So the blessings are very apparent to me – very coveted.

If you find yourself questioning and thinking that maybe I think I walk a better path in life than you, that I never have hardships, or could never love, understand, or care about someone who constantly deals with issues – let me change your opinion.  For I HAVE hurt. And I HAVE struggled. I still do.

I have dealt with death and loss. Cancer. Suicide. Plane crashes. Heart attacks. These have been a part of my life.

I have struggled. As a stepmom. As a wife. As a friend. I have let people down. I have said things I regret. I have been immature. I have hurt my children’s feelings, and they have hurt mine. I have hurt my husband’s feelings, and he has hurt mine. I’m human.

I have dealt with health issues. I don’t need to rattle off every thing I’ve been dealt with – but just a few are heart irregularities, kidney stones, reflux, anxiety, bursitis, bad posture, teeth issues. No one is perfect. I know what it feels like to be frustrated.

I have been on food stamps.  I’ve only had $20 at the end of a payday. I’ve lost money and I’ve wasted money. I know what it’s like to not have enough, and to have more than you need.

I’ve been misunderstood. Judged. Ignored. Laughed at. Talked about.

Yet, God is faithful. He’s walked through everything with me. My mistakes. My mess-ups. My challenges. And He HAS blessed me. I live a blessed life. Some things I’ve overcome, some things… I still struggle with.

So, I may not know EXACTLY what you are feeling and going through – but I do know what it feels like to hurt, to be sad, to feel lost, and to be discouraged and frustrated. But I also know what it feels like to walk over to the other side of those things. To see victory. Praise. Blessing.

And that perspective humbles me. It shapes me. It touches me.

Please don’t ever think that I live a charmed life with no obstacles or hurdles to overcome. No one lives that kind of life. NO ONE.

I may choose to look at the positive, the bright side… the blessings. But that’s only because I know what it feels like to feel the hurt and pain. And I’m thankful to not always sit in those moments. To sit in new ones – redeemed ones.

We are all in this walk of life together. TOGETHER.

Know that you are never alone.

And that you are loved. In whatever season you find yourself in.

When You Can't Move On

Stuck. Sometimes we’re just stuck.  Stuck in the past. Stuck in the moments that hurt us deeply. Stuck in what “wasn’t.” Stuck.

We live there, in the past. We wish. We hope. We mope about feeling sorry for ourselves and our bad luck. Our misfortunes. Our wasted dreams.

It doesn’t do us any good to be stuck. It’s not healthy and we need to learn how to move on with our lives. To move forward.

Yes. We were wronged.

Yes. We were hurt.

Yes. Someone took advantage of us.

Yes. We were lonely and ignored.

Yes. We could have been great at “that” thing.

Yes. We are dealing with someone else’s wrong choices and they affected us in an unfair way.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

It stinks. But we lived through it. We made it.

It was in the past and we are now in the present. It’s time to live in it, don’t you think?  Use what hurt you. Use it for good. Use it for growth. Use it to get stronger and better. Use it to help someone else.

The longer I live life, the more I see how life doesn’t go the way we thought it would go. Our nicely laid out plans and paths end up being detours and road blocks. What should be a smooth road is bumpy. What should be a straight shot is full of curves.

It’s life.

We have the opportunity to move forward with freedom, joy, and peace. We just need to come to terms with what has happened to us.

It is a part of our story. Not the best part, but a part. And we can use it to our advantage and the advantage of others. But we can’t stay ‘stuck’ back there; still living in that moment and time. We have to leave it back there and move forward.

What we’ve gone through will always be a part of us. But it can be a part of us that God can redeem and use for good.

Let Him.

Take a step today to move forward and find a new dream, a new purpose, and a new freedom in knowing that you weren’t conquered. You weren’t overcome.

Move forward. Make the choice to redefine your future into something beautiful. One step at a time.

Don't Stop Believing

 You’ve been hurt. Again.

Women, especially, tend to put a rock wall around their heart when they’ve been hurt. They don’t want to ever feel that hurt again – so they decide that putting up a wall will protect them.

The thing is, a wall can go two ways. It can either get higher and thicker over time, or it can start to crumble. It’s up to us to decide if we are going to let the wall fall a little, or if we aren’t going to take the chance of letting anyone in ever again.

It comes down to – do we have it in us, to believe again? To believe in love. To believe in dreams. To believe in healing. To believe in God?

Dare we hope?

It’s a huge leap for some of us. We are so afraid we will fall as we jump. We just often, choose to not jump at all.

But – what – if? What IF? What if you jump, and it’s the best decision of your life? What if you go for it, and you are more blessed than you ever thought possible?

Everyone gets hurt in life. That’s not to minimize the hurt and disappointments that you are feeling. It’s simply there to remind you that even though you may feel alone at times – you aren’t. Almost everyone in life knows what it feels like to hurt on some scale and in some way, shape, or form.

I think that sometimes we get hurt again and again because we expect to. We are so afraid to believe and hope, that we get what we expected out of that ‘thing.’ And sometimes, we just have to have the courage to know that getting hurt is part of growing and learning. It’s part of becoming better at being US.  Eventually, we will be able to walk through the pain knowing that the next time around, the sting won’t hurt quite as bad because we will be stronger and wiser.

There will come a time that hanging in there will pay off. We will see the rewards of perseverance, patience, and hope.

I’d much rather go through life hoping and believing, than doubting and fearing. I’d much rather take a chance on a dream, on a “someone,” than be alone or left wishing for things I’d never tried for.

I’d rather swallow, and let that wall crumble down, than see it get higher and higher, so that I miss out on things that could have given me great joy in life.

You get hurt. I get hurt. It’s painful. It’s awful. It’s unfair at times.  But the thing we can never let hurt be, is a winner. If it halts my life – it wins.

Go out there in spite of the hurt. Dream. Believe. Love. Grow. SMILE. You deserve that. 

It’s ok to keep a small stone in your heart as a remembrance of what you’ve been through. But let it be a memento that fuels you to be a better you, today, never pulling you back to who you were at that moment.

Find it in you to believe again. It’s a good feeling.

When You Want To Shut Out The World

Sometimes I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to be a “trooper.” There are times where I don’t want to bite my tongue –I’d much rather say what I’m really thinking and feeling.

Some days, I don’t feel like being nice. I don’t want to be reliable, or dependable.

I’m human.

On those days, and in those moments, I just want to run away. Or hide, depending on my mood. I want to shut out the world for a minute or a few hours, and just be with myself. Be FOR myself.

I want to cry on those days. I want to yell out loud about how unfair I think things are, or how I’m fed up with someone. I want to be everything BUT dependable so that people don’t take me for granted.

I want to be selfish.

Some days.

I am thankful that I’m on time. I like that I watch what I say and how I say it. I try to be a person of integrity and character and I like that about myself. I really wouldn’t change that. Not for a second.

So when I’m feeling those things – what they are really telling me is that I’m at my limit. They tell me that I’ve neglected my needs or that I’ve overdone things. They tell me that I need to take a fresh look at my boundaries.

We all have those low moments where we say or think things we might not ever consider thinking or saying when we are feeling stronger and more stable. It’s okay. But it’s important not to take actions during those times – knowing that we are in a “low” moment. It’s important not to say things we might regret, or do something that could harm ourselves or someone else, in a way that can’t be fixed.

It’s a low moment. A bad day. A hard time. That’s it.

It will go, just as it came. With one breath, one rush of air, or one sunrise. It will go.

So hang in there. Hold on tightly. Stay soft. Stay strong. For if anything is truly FOR you, faith, hope and love are. If you need to run, run for a bit. If you need to hide, hide for a bit. But regroup. Recharge. And start tomorrow again.

There Is Strength In Joy

There is strength in joy. I’ve tapped into it. I’ve discovered it. I’ve relished in the knowing that joy is what gives me my courage and my strength in times when I should otherwise feel so weak.

I love knowing that I’m feeling peaceful and strong despite trying circumstances because of joy that comes only from relying on and having true faith in my Savior.

It’s freeing.

I’m not always there. I don’t always sit in that knowledge or feel that joy. There are times when I try to rely on my own strength, my own control, and my own direction. I never feel as strong in those moments as I do when I know God’s strength is being funneled through me. No, my own strength never feels quite as solid.

There is an old song that starts, ‘The joy of the Lord is my strength.” And that song runs round and round in my head from time to time. The words – so simple – yet so powerful and true.

I see joy in the person who has cancer and yet glows. I know that they have tapped into that strength.

I see joy in the person who has little in the way of monetary possessions, and yet smiles as if they have the world.

Joy.

It is something so elusive to people nowadays. Stern faces, frowns, and heartache abounds. It’s no wonder. Loneliness, depression, hurts, and trials know no bounds in our lives. They exist daily. And people are weary. Broken down. Discouraged.

And yet there it pops up in someone’s life from time to time. We glimpse it. That charming quality of joy. We wonder how we can gain a little bit of it for ourselves. How can we find that peace and strength that comes out in joy like the one we see before us?

I’m here to tell you. It’s God. ALL God.

And it’s yours for the asking.

Because Of Me

I had a doctor appointment one day over a year ago. I was nervous about it and on this particular day, I was stuck waiting for a really long time. So long that a nurse came in and apologized and promised they would be with me shortly.

Isn’t that the way it goes? I sat there, and I thought…why, when I’m so nervous do I have to sit here alone with my thoughts? They were making me crazy. I didn’t want time alone to sift through my own head! I didn’t want to think.

I knew I might be nervous ahead of time for this appointment. So I had copied some Bible verses on fear and put them where I could access them from my phone. I recalled this, leaned over into my purse, and grabbed my phone. I read the verses and found myself calm. I found my thoughts clear.

And I found myself wondering if everything in life truly does have purpose. I mean, how could being delayed at a doctor’s office have purpose?  And then God spoke to my heart. He said, “Because of me.”

Because of me.

He wanted my attention. He wanted me to spend that time with Him. Alone.

Sometimes you just want to hit yourself on the side of the head, don’t you? When you realize something that you think should have been so apparent?

I was delayed that morning so that God could speak to me. So that I could listen. And I could be still with only my Lord.

That time sitting there alone in the room stands out for me. I remember it. It’s not like all the other doctor visits where I sat in a crowded waiting room. No. I remember that morning as one where God shone through in a moment and reached out personally to me to grab my attention.

The wait? It was so worth it.

Needy

I watched a movie once about a family who farmed for a living and they were about to lose their home, their animals, and their land. Land that had been in their family for over 100 years. It was very hard on the head of the household because he felt like he could no longer provide for them and he took it very, very hard. So hard that he lost himself for awhile in his self-pity. The wife looked at him and said, “This is hard. But you’re a farmer. All your life has been hard!” What she meant was – you can do this. You’ve done it before and you’re stronger for it.

I think some of us have (without realizing it) found that being a victim, helpless, unloved, not cared for enough – whatever it is they “label” it – I think that that “vice” has become a friend to us in a strange way. I don’t think everyone knows how to truly live free. I’ve found that most people who act needy always have the choice of a different attitude and course of action. They just seem to find that course of action is too inconvenient, hard, or out of reach (by their standards.) They don’t truly want it. They would much rather have the love and attention of good natured, compassionate folks doting on them and telling them how sorry they are for the rotten dose of luck they’ve had in their life, than they are at reaching up and outward to become a strong person, themselves.

It’s easier.

Life can make us stronger or weaker depending on how we choose to react to it. We can choose to get love and attention based on others feeling sorry for us all of the time, or we can get it by healthy respect instead.

Most people who come across as needy, probably don’t view themselves that way. They probably think they are very strong, courageous people for going through whatever it is they are going through. But in reality, they whine, complain, utter hints, and cling to those around them…quite often and quite regularly.  No one can seem to appease them or give them that sense of self esteem and inner joy that they seek – at least not permanently.

They say some children act out in order to get attention from their parents when they’ve felt neglected. I think the same is true for adults who are needy. They want attention. The thing is, they can get hooked on bad attention and then that becomes a way of life without them even realizing it. They may not realize how often they feel that everyone should hear how they had a bad day or how something hurt them. They act as if they have been singled out to experience this. The thing is? We ALL experience bad days and hurt feelings. We ALL cry and feel left out or neglected at times.  We ALL get a raw deal at times. No one is more special than anyone else to feel these things.

I don’t know what the secret is to help needy people. I think it just might be to get them to help other needy people. Because then they will stop thinking about themselves and their own pity party and after awhile – they will form new healthier patterns of living. Patterns of giving, loving, and offering up their lives to help others.

I’ve seen truly needy people in my lifetime. People who have deep hurts, real concerns and visible problems. I’ve seen these same people show courage, independence, deep faith, and joy amidst those problems and I admire them for it. They made the choice to live and love fully without thought to themselves - despite their trials.

They were physically needy, but not emotionally. They persevered, loved, laughed, and grew – despite the obstacles and challenges in their life.

The question is – will you?

Hang On

God always supplies.

Just when I’m running out of articles to use on my blog, He gives me inspiration.  And just when I’m about to drop and crash, from being so tired of running so hard and fast for weeks at a time….He gives me rest.

Just when I’m at my wits end with a problem, He provides a solution.

He always supplies. He’s always faithful.

Sometimes we give up right before the answer is ready to come our way. We are ready to quit at the precise moment that the wave of change, relief, and blessing, are ready to descend on us.

If only we could hang on. Hang on to round that one last corner. That one last mountain to climb. That one last disappointment. Hang on.

Friend, I’ve been there. Many times. I’ve felt my strength would fail me. I didn’t know how I could go another day or minute facing whatever it was that I was facing. Whether it was simply being exhausted, hurt, frustrated, lonely, or sick. Whatever it was, I’ve had moments – just like you – where I didn’t think I could hang on.

But I did.

And let me tell you, that my God was faithful. He came through for me. He blessed me. He took care of me and protected me.

Every. Single. Time.

He wants to do the same for you.

Please let Him. Hang on.

How Did We Get So Messed Up?

I am in my early 40’s. I’ve lived a little bit of life now, and I’ve seen the “little bit of life” that friends and family have lived. I’ve experienced deep joys and great heartaches.  I’ve watched people make colossal mistakes and I’ve observed others get “lost” in the process of life.

And I wonder.  How did we get so messed up? How did life conquer some of us?

Some of us not only got “lost,” we fell into a deep pit and couldn’t find a way out. We let unexpected trials and tribulations overcome us. Rule us. Win us.

Anxiety.

Depression.

Fear.

Rejection.

Personal Insecurities.

They snuck up on us. They invaded our hearts, souls, and our minds. They took over.

And we let them.

It wasn’t part of the dream. We never intended to be a person ruled by depression. We didn’t think we’d ever have an issue with fear. We couldn’t have possibly dreamed that rejection would change the course of our lives. Change and mold US.

But it did. It HAS.

And we are a little messed up.

We don’t know how to function ‘normally’ anymore. These issues have become friends that not only shouldn’t have stayed – they never should have been let in. But here they are. Messing with us.

Can we overcome? Can we slay these little beasts and dragons who have toyed with our emotions and sanity?

We CAN.

It may be a tough battle. Tougher than we could have thought possible. But we CAN overcome. We don’t have to stay ‘messed up.’ We just need to reach out for help. Admit where we are weak. Acknowledge what ground in our life has been taken – and fight. Fight HARD. Fight for our inner freedom. Our health. Our life.

We can be free. Free from anxiety. Free from fear. Free from depression. Free from whatever it is that has taken over.

We don’t have to let the darkness of life win.

When You Plan In Advance To Be Upset

There are moments in life where I dread something coming up. It’s either an obligatory kind of thing or something I feel trapped into doing or going to. I hate these times for I don’t feel like I can be at my best due to my attitude.

Sometimes we plan in advance to get upset.  We know what someone is going to say, we know what action is going to be demonstrated on their part and before it even happens, we plan in our hearts to be upset about it. Without even giving them a chance to be different, or to act different. Without giving ourselves a chance to be different or act different.

I’ve done this. I’ve BEEN this. Have you? Have you planned in advance to be upset about something?

It’s as if we’re not just upset at that moment in time, but we’re upset every day leading up to that moment in time, as well. Because we know how we are going to feel about it.

I think I have pretty good instincts about people. And I’m often right about the outcome when it comes to these same people. So I have plenty of occasions to get upset, if I choose to. And sometimes, unfortunately, I do choose to. Sometimes I’m entitled to be upset. Other times, well, not so much. I can make things bigger in my head and heart because of all that time I gave myself to dwell on the issue.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

When I plan in advance to be upset about something, the other person loses because of the unfortunate choice or action they made. I also lose because of all the time I lost harping on the thing. I lose because of all the stress I put myself through and I lose because I didn’t choose (on the occasions that call for it) to not let it ruin me or affect my joy.

I can choose so many different ways in which to respond. But often, my pride wins out by telling my heart that it’s going to be upset before anything even happens!

I could do a lot better by myself.

I could choose to pray about things leading up to the moment in time that I’m focusing on. I could choose to let the issue drop at God’s feet instead of my own – thus removing the weight of the burden on my heart and shoulders. AND, I COULD choose to forgive BEFORE the offense is given. Especially if I’m expecting a predictable response or pattern.  I could even somehow set up a boundary in my heart and life so that I avoid the moment all together.

Getting all worked up is something we are good at. Especially women. Some things are indeed worth fighting for. But our frame of mind in the process is so crucial to how drama-free our lives can truly be if we want it badly enough.

We just have to want it badly enough. Bad enough to wait and see what will happen. Wait and see what God will do.

Isn’t that worth putting off the “upset” for a bit?

You Are Precious, You Are Priceless

A parent’s worst fear is that something will happen to their children. Illness, accidents, abductions and other kinds of harm fill our hearts and our minds.

And it’s not just worrying about our children. A parent can worry about themselves too. That something will happen so that their child has to grow up parent-less.

So many worries. So many fears.

Fear can rule my life if I let it. And it would be so easy to let it. But I have to live instead; in courage and in faith, trusting that my God will take care of my children and that He will take care of me.

I realize that life is not perfect. Not everybody gets to live through it without disease, sickness, accidents, or tragedy befalling them. In fact, very little of us get to go through it without being affected in some way.

But there is so much to be hopeful for. So much to be thankful for. There is still so much that is good.

I am thankful every time my children celebrate a birthday. Every milestone that I get to watch, I am blessed that my children get to reach it, experience it and touch it. And of course, I’m thankful that I get to be a part of it.

I think of the “what if’s.” I try to prepare my children for those possible scenarios and I pray that they will never come to pass. But if they should, then I have to trust my Almighty God that my kids knew the most important things they could know.  I have to trust that they knew how much they were loved and valued. How deeply they brought joy to my life.  And I have to trust that they saw the Lord in my life and that they too, will always seek to have Him a part of theirs.

I have to believe that they knew how precious and how priceless they were to me.

So I tell them. I tell them often. I hug them. I kiss them. I love on them with everything in me. I laugh with them and I enjoy them. I listen.

Time is so short. Every birthday shows me that.  But each year is a blessing.

I don’t know what the future holds. I pray, of course, that it holds many more blessings and joys.  But if it also holds unspeakable pain, then I will carry with me one thing – how great a blessing I was given, to be given children that were so irreplaceable and so beautiful. How lucky was I to be their mom for however long I was allowed to place my arms around them.

May I tell them often, “You are precious, you are priceless”…..  so it is always felt, always known and always carried with them.

When We Try To Go Through Tough Stuff Alone

Going at life “solo” is dangerous. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. You grow frustrated with your church and so you stop going. You drop out of your ladies Bible Study or pull away from your friends because tough stuff is going on in your life.

Whatever the reason; suddenly, we have put ourselves in a position of great vulnerability. Not that Satan doesn’t like to attack us in any kind of situation; but I think he finds us an especially easy target when we are going at life alone and without the support of a community of believers.

Yes, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen tragic things happen to families and friends who removed themselves from a positive and Godly circle of influence. I’ve watched marriages crumble into divorce. I’ve witnessed children fall prey to drugs and sexual temptations. I’ve cringed at unnecessary deaths.  And I’ve painfully seen people sucked into the vast tunnel of emotional and physical illness.

When tough stuff is going on in our lives; that is when we need one another the most. That is not the time when we should be dropping away from people who care about us. And yet it seems like that becomes such a magnetic pull for us. It’s like we think we will get back into church once we get our lives on track again, or we will rejoin that group once we can overcome “just this one” hurdle….and our “justs” become our downfall. We open ourselves up for attack.

I believe there are times where it’s important for us to take a step back from what we are doing and where we are going in life. I think fresh focus and clear insight can only be gotten by sometimes putting a “pause” on what we have going on with and around us. But I also believe that usually those times are entered into with a convicted heart – never an ashamed or guilty one. We go into these zones of life with every intention of renewal, obedience, and humility. Our heart focus is different.

We all are flawed. We all hurt.  We all wish that we could sometimes hide the ugliness that life can inflict on us. But those also are the very things that make us relatable to others. God can use them in our lives to be inspiring, healing to another hurting and lost heart… and He can turn our sorrow into a blessing by using it for the good of another.

Give others a chance. Give them a chance to truly love and accept you despite what “junk” you may have going on. Give them the opportunity to help you bear your burden. That’s what they are there for. And in the process, you just may find out that the perfect part of relationships is the imperfect threads that connect us all.

Life Isn't Always Smooth Sailing - Sometimes All You Can Do Is Row

I got  an email recently from someone who was struggling in a certain season of life. Life wasn’t going real smoothly for her and she felt like she was just keeping her head above water.

We all are familiar with those chaotic seasons. Especially young moms. We feel like we should have things all pulled together when in reality, we feel anything but.

It seems like we all think life should be smooth sailing all of the time when sometimes all we can do is concentrate on rowing. And that’s okay. It’s okay to only concentrate on rowing sometimes. Keeping the children fed, changing diapers, cleaning the house – it all seems so mundane. But it occupies our days and our minds and there are seasons where if that’s all we have time for, if that’s the only thing we feel like we can get accomplished – IT’S OKAY!

Life isn’t a perfectly oiled machine. We don’t run like clockwork. Things break, people get sick, plans get changed and so much more is out of our control. I think sometimes that God likes to keep us unbalanced for a reason. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t also times where things DO go well and seem to run smoothly. And when those times come, we can be blessed and thankful and get refueled and recharged.  But we can be guaranteed that our days won’t always be that way.

It’s the rowing in life that grows our muscles. Those are the times where we see just what our priorities are and what matters to us. It’s in those times that we dig deep and see what we’re really made of.

Some day, someone else will be rowing their boat and dreaming of calm waters. It will be our strength that they may need to help them not drown in the storms and waves they are battling. The very storms and waves that we had to navigate ourselves at one point.

Struggle IS a part of life. We can bank on that. It’s miserable when we are going through it but when we reach the other side; it is often the struggle that makes us who we are. It’s up to us to choose what the end result will be. A stronger person or a battle-weary one?

One of life’s biggest lies is that we should be able to do it all. We can’t. We won’t be able to – ever. Something will always give. Something will always suffer. Don’t let it be you, don’t let it be your family, and don’t let it be your faith.

Row. Row hard. And before you know it, the sun will come out again and the waters will turn to ripples instead of huge waves.  Then you can turn your head back around and see what God helped you survive. You will see. You will learn. And you will grow.