Saturday, January 10, 2015

Still Such a Work In Progress

I’ve lived 40+ years on this earth. 40+ years that I am so thankful for.

Some of those years held great pain for my heart. I had to overcome big obstacles, inner demons, and overwhelming odds stacked against me.

Some of those years held magical moments that can’t be touched in human words. Those blessings can only be held tenderly inside of me with a deeply-held appreciation and realization of what God has done.

I’ve learned so many lessons. Felt so much emotion. Been brought to my knees when my pride wouldn’t kneel on its own.

I have loved and lost. Held and let go. Laughed and cried with just as much depth.

It’s my life. My story.  Each page turned has brought a new storyline with it.

Some days I feel so old – others, I still feel like a young babe. I know that I have gained much wisdom through the things I’ve been through and seen. Yet I also know that I still have huge lessons to learn. I still repeat mistakes and I still need to be humbled at times.

It’s true how the Bible tells us we are like clay, molded and shaped in the great potter’s hands. I can see that so clearly. I can see how parts of me have had to be chipped away, how parts of me still have cracks that need to be repaired, and how God is making me more beautiful in His image year by year.

I don’t know if there are parts of me that I will ever be happy to see be torn away from my firmly clenched hands. I don’t think it’s ever easy to see parts of ourselves chiseled and clipped away. Even if we know they hold us back, they are still part of our identity. It’s only after they are gone that we can see how much better off we are without them.

Sometimes I know I may be that stiff piece of clay that just fights being workable in the potter’s hands. I don’t want to conform to His will. I don’t want to be shaped a different way. I have my own visions. My own objective. I see myself in a light that I, myself, find fitting.

And yet after 40+ years of learning, growing, and realizing that I am still so imperfect and flawed, I know that I am still such a work in progress. I may be an adult, but I am far from finished. My story is far from its ending.

There is so much more life to live. To love. To learn.

It’s kind of exciting to think that God is not done with me yet. To know that He still has exciting things in store for me.

I am the clay. He is the potter. He’s gotten me this far – I can surely trust Him further.

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