We Say We Believe

The mouth. It’s one of the most powerful weapons we have. What we say, how we say it… it can wound someone else for the rest of their life.

We say we believe in God.

We say we love God.

We go to church and we sing praise songs with our hands in the air.

And then we turn around and wound someone in our own family with our words. We don’t even look back. We don’t even regret. We just lash out with little thought to the damage our words cause.

We get too “me-focused.”

THEY should have known better. THEY needed to hear that. THEY should get over it. THEY, THEY, THEY.  With little to no responsibility taken on our own shoulders.

But…we DO believe, we rationalize.

How can we say we believe in a God, that we don’t try to be like? 

Our belief needs to go deeper. Further.

When we believe in something, or someone – it should come out in how we speak and act. So that belief should play itself out in how we treat others.

It can be so easy to treat strangers better than we treat our own family, at times. After all, a family member can’t walk out on us. (In theory). A family member is stuck with us for life. And we are comfortable to truly speak our minds with them. But – it is our family members who should get our deepest love and loyalty. For they ALSO see us at our worst. They see every flaw – not just the good face we put on for others. And they still love us. Still accept us. Still BELIEVE in us.

Yes, that’s what belief does. That’s what God does for us. And if we say we believe in Him, it’s what we should also do for others. Not just strangers, but our siblings, our parents, our friends.

Treasure their hearts. Treat them with care. Speak in love. Show them they matter to us. Because HE matters to us.

You Have To Understand, That No One May Understand

A husband can always think that he works harder than his wife. The wife on the other hand, will never be convinced that her job is not harder than her husband’s.

A military wife deals with her husband being gone for extended durations at a time. She will never understand how another wife can get so scared and weak, when her husband goes out of town for just two nights.

They are differences of perspective, to be sure. And life is full of them. Someone will always feel one way, while someone else will come along and challenge those very feelings that they, themselves, have conquered or endured on a greater scale.

Neither person is right or wrong. We are all simply living different lives on different scales. We all have different pressure points that are weaknesses for us. God made some of us to be tougher, and others of us to be softer. Both are beautiful in their ability to handle the life they’ve been given.

The thing is, it doesn’t help us when we are the ones going through something and we feel like our feelings are cast aside, laughed at (possibly), or ignored.  We want to feel validated. Listened to. Helped!

You have to understand, that there are some times in life, where no one may understand. Ever.

I know. It stinks. But there are just some things in life where it seems we are meant to go through them, alone. Only with our feelings, thoughts, and our God. And somehow, we have to reconcile with them.

It is good, to see what others have been able to handle. It shows us we have the ability to be stronger and tougher than we thought we could be. It’s also good to learn to be empathetic to someone else’s position and point of view – even if we feel they should handle it better. We are not them. We don’t live with their struggles – so how can we possibly ridicule someone for not being like us?

It is true. There will be times where it seems as if no one in the world understands us. (As a reminder, our God does. And He’s with us in those times.)  During these moments and challenging seasons, try to think of how you will navigate what you’re going through, if there is no one who will ever understand. Will it change your feelings? Will it impact your choices and actions?

Sometimes the times where I’ve gained the most strength, are the times where I’ve decided for myself that it doesn’t matter if no one else understands. I UNDERSTAND. And I’m committed to my viewpoint. Sure, it would be encouraging to get the affirmation of those around me – but it may not come. And if I can understand this and make some choices that will help me help myself, then that’s what I must do.

People will let us down. They will disappoint. But we can always learn how to take care of our own emotions and feelings by setting boundaries in our lives, being proactive with certain choices and decisions, and finding ways to encourage ourselves and help keep us going.

My friend, I wish with all my heart that someone would understand your feelings. But they may not. And they may not understand me. That doesn’t mean they are right and you are wrong or vice versa. It simply means they don’t walk in your shoes and see things from where you are standing.

Hang in there. Keep seeking God’s wisdom and guidance. And use this time to remind yourself to offer understanding to someone else when they seek it. For you will then know, what it’s like to stand in the shoes of the misunderstood.

When You Can't Move On

Stuck. Sometimes we’re just stuck.  Stuck in the past. Stuck in the moments that hurt us deeply. Stuck in what “wasn’t.” Stuck.

We live there, in the past. We wish. We hope. We mope about feeling sorry for ourselves and our bad luck. Our misfortunes. Our wasted dreams.

It doesn’t do us any good to be stuck. It’s not healthy and we need to learn how to move on with our lives. To move forward.

Yes. We were wronged.

Yes. We were hurt.

Yes. Someone took advantage of us.

Yes. We were lonely and ignored.

Yes. We could have been great at “that” thing.

Yes. We are dealing with someone else’s wrong choices and they affected us in an unfair way.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

It stinks. But we lived through it. We made it.

It was in the past and we are now in the present. It’s time to live in it, don’t you think?  Use what hurt you. Use it for good. Use it for growth. Use it to get stronger and better. Use it to help someone else.

The longer I live life, the more I see how life doesn’t go the way we thought it would go. Our nicely laid out plans and paths end up being detours and road blocks. What should be a smooth road is bumpy. What should be a straight shot is full of curves.

It’s life.

We have the opportunity to move forward with freedom, joy, and peace. We just need to come to terms with what has happened to us.

It is a part of our story. Not the best part, but a part. And we can use it to our advantage and the advantage of others. But we can’t stay ‘stuck’ back there; still living in that moment and time. We have to leave it back there and move forward.

What we’ve gone through will always be a part of us. But it can be a part of us that God can redeem and use for good.

Let Him.

Take a step today to move forward and find a new dream, a new purpose, and a new freedom in knowing that you weren’t conquered. You weren’t overcome.

Move forward. Make the choice to redefine your future into something beautiful. One step at a time.

Fighting To Be Treated Right

Sometimes it feels like you just have to fight for everything in your life. You have to fight to be treated right.

For example, when we moved into a house rental upon moving to Texas, we noted everything wrong on our walk-in sheet. Then when it was time to get our return deposit check, we noticed we were deducted a huge chunk of change to fix the very things we’d noted were already there when we first moved in. Damage not caused by us. So we had to stand up for ourselves to try and get the money we were due.

That’s just one example of a long list of things that it feels like our family has had to fight for in recent years.

We’ve had to fight to be treated right.

It would be so easy to give up. It’s so easy to get discouraged. Sometimes the ‘fight’ is draining. It’s stressful and it takes a lot out of you. You don’t even always win. Sometimes you’re treated unfairly and you just have to swallow and move on. But it can be hard.

I think sometimes the world expects us to give up. It at least hopes we will. It can be easy to take advantage of people. Bully them. Walk right over them to put yourself and your needs first.

But sometimes we need to engage in the fight. We need to remind Satan (and the world) that we are warriors and that even though we get discouraged and tired, we have fight in us. We have fight in us especially when it’s something worthwhile that we are fighting for.

Life IS a battle. You win some and you lose some. You get beat up along the way. But to walk away doesn’t mean you win. It simply means you chose to give up before you even tried to fight for what you felt was right.

I do get tired of feeling like we have to fight to be treated fairly in this life. I do get tired of feeling like we’ve been taken advantage of. But I believe in who I am enough to know that sometimes you just have to stand up, use your voice, and say “this isn’t right.”

If you feel like you are in a ‘fight’ for justice right now for yourself or someone you love, hang in there. Maintain your integrity in the process and have faith that whatever the outcome, you are doing the right thing in addressing the issue.

Don’t give those war-wagers an inch more of your heart and life than they’ve already taken.

How Someone Treats You, Can Affect Your Whole Day

_{We are creatures of emotion. As much as some of us would love to deny the fact that our emotions affect us, they do. In fact, I’d venture to guess that your emotions affect who you are, what choices you make, and how you feel about yourself.}

_{If you live in an unstable home environment, it affects you. How your spouse, your parents, or your children treat you, affects you. It can color your whole mood and your whole day.}

_{I don’t happen to live in an unstable home environment, thankfully. But I still know that how my family treats me, affects my mood, my outlook, and my attitude each day; especially when my feelings are hurt. I tend to be more irritable and grouchy. I get mad at traffic easier and I’m less gracious and accommodating of others when I’m running errands.}

_{I judge people quicker.} 

_{When I feel as if life is going well and things are good between me and my husband, and my children and I are in sync, I feel like I can face almost anything when I go outside my front doors. I tend to wear a smile on my face more often and I greet others with polite manners. I am more forgiving and understanding when others make mistakes.}

_{All because of how I feel.}

_{I think that’s why it is so important to treat others with love, respect, and tenderness. Oftentimes, we can be gruff with each other and harsh – hurting and wounding each other in ways that go deeper than we think or understand. Hurting people hurt people and it starts with how they were treated by someone else.}

_{I can look at people differently if I look deeper than their outward façade. If they fail to smile, are they bothered by something? Did someone they love wound them with a comment? Are they feeling unappreciated?  Is that maybe why they didn’t pay attention to my dinner order in the manner that they should have? Is that perhaps why that teen picks on others? So that he can try to release the anger and hurt that he has bottled up inside?}

_{We live in a hurting world. People are hurting from so many things. Our homes need to be a safe place. They need to be a shelter from the storm.  We need to nurture, love, and cherish each other in our own homes, so that we have the joy, love, contentment, and understanding that will spill over from us onto others, when we go outside our front door.}

_{Children who feel loved, will love on others. Teens who feel accepted, will accept others. Families who exchange kind and gentle words…. will offer them to those they meet.}

_{What we learn, we teach. What we’ve been given, we tend to give.}

_{So let’s be kind to one another. Especially those who live inside of our four walls at home. Give each other grace and space at times. I never want my spouse or children to have a bad day because of something I said to them. I know it’s happened, but I can do my best to avoid it happening again. I love them. And I want them to feel it.}

My Feelings Got Hurt

My feelings got hurt today. Well, not TODAY, but the day I wrote this article.  Someone said something that stung my heart.  And it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

I went through my morning feeling sad. Blue. Feeling like I wasn’t understood and that I wasn’t valued. It stunk. For this person mattered a lot to me. I felt like I gave them the world. I loved them with abandon. And yet, it wasn’t always returned.

As I started slipping into the, “I’m feeling sorry for myself” mode, God gently touched my heart. Tears came to my eyes as I continued to feel the sting of another’s harsh words aimed my way, and He reminded me of what He wanted me to do and why.

He wanted me to stand strong. Continue to be me. And remind myself of who HE thinks and knows me to be. He wanted me to remember how many times He was misunderstood. How many times someone tried to hurt Him (and continues to hurt Him today.) My God takes it all. He takes it when we say His name in vain. He takes it when we turn our backs on Him and take HIS glory for ourselves. He takes it when someone is angry and blames Him for their own choices and errors. He takes it all. And He still loves.

That’s what He wants for me. To take it. And to still love. It may sting. It may hurt. And it may need to gently be addressed. But I can’t let someone else’s words define who I am. I can’t let those penetrate my heart and impact me in a negative way. Especially when I know the things said are untrue.

We all get our feelings hurt from time to time. We all say something to hurt someone else from time to time. Our words go a long way. They stand the test of time and they go the distance – farther than we realize.  But when we’re tempted to feel sorry for ourselves, it’s good to be reminded that someone walked before us who was unfairly talked about. Someone who was unfairly treated. Someone who didn’t deserve what was said and done to Him. And He still loved.

It’s who He was. And it’s who He wants us to be.

Let God deal with the giver of unkind words. And let us deal with our response.

You Don't Always Get What You Want In Life

You don’t always get what you want in life.

Life goes a totally different direction than you want, at times. Sometimes people make choices that affect you, and it’s not welcome. Sometimes, changes have to be made for mere physical or emotional survival.

Life just happens. And it happens to us, with us, around us, and about us – whether or not we are on board with what is going on.

Things can really stink, at times. We hurt and we grieve over losses that have happened to us, or will happen to us. In the process, our attitudes can become bitter and hardened and we can say things that inflict a wound on someone else.

Let me say it again. You don’t always get what you want in life.  How we handle those moments, though, says a lot about our character.  Are we vengeful and spitting hurtful words at those who sit in front of us, or are we gracious and trusting that God has the events all in the palms of His hands?

I’m often reminded how no detail is a surprise to God. No circumstance beyond His control. He knew it would all unfold the way it did, and He knows the ending, as well.  And when I’m reminded of these facts, I grow more at peace with what is going on, because I know my God is GOOD and He wants GOOD things for me.  Even if what I’m going through is painful – I can pray that He will get all the glory when all is said and done. And that’s enough for me. It’s enough, because I know if He gets all the glory, that everything will work out as it should. As it’s meant to.  Even if it’s not what I would have wanted.

Our pride is a big thing. Setting it aside and letting God weave and work through our circumstances is hard. We forget so easily. We think we know better. We act as if we’re smarter. We fail to see that there could be any other plan besides our own.

And yet, sometimes, there is. A bigger plan. A better plan.

We don’t always get what we want in life. Sometimes we get less. But, sometimes? Sometimes, we get MORE.  Trust in God. Believe in what He’s doing with and FOR you. Have integrity through the process.

And watch things unfold as they were meant to be.

My Love Is Not Conditional

Sometimes I am prompted to do a "heart check-up" on myself. I just observe certain things in myself that need some attention. Have you been there? 

Those are important times for me to evaluate where I've placed certain priorities and values and what different allegiances my heart has put a lot of stock into. It's amazing how easy matters can grow and bloom into unhealthy life patterns!

On one of these "heart tune-ups," God brought to my attention some attitudes and thoughts that had taken up residency in my heart. These little visitors had long out-stayed their welcome. In fact, they had taken up too much room causing some extra grumps and frumps in my life. With ease and flair, they'd managed to turn a lot of positives into negatives. It was time for them to go!

I realize that it's easy for me to love and praise my God when things are going well in my life. I can sing of His blessings and His glory. But when things don't measure up to my expectations, it's not so easy. It was during one of these times that I'd allowed those unhealthy attitudes and thought visitors to stay too long in my heart. They were starting to affect me and I didn't like what I saw.

For me, I want to love my God unconditionally. I don't want to love Him just when I get my way.

One of my favorite movie lines is from "Facing the Giants." The main character's wife was told she wasn't pregnant for the "umpteenth" time and she was devastated and faced with the fact that she might never have children. She went out to her car, looked up into the heavens and with tears in her eyes and heart she told God, "I WILL still love you!" 

It was a choice.

A powerful one for we can so easily blame God, rebel, or accuse Him when life doesn't meet our demands. When the hardships come and the trials we face grow to be unbearable. We can get resentful and pull away from God when we are hurt deeply and we don't understand the "why's."

Our thoughts and our attitudes are prideful, wounded, and self-centered.

And for me, after my little heart "check-up," all I can say is, "Lord, forgive me. I want my love for you to be unconditional. You don't have to give me all of my heart's desires (even though I would love those blessings, if you did! For I will still love you. I will love you even when I'm hurting. I will love you when I'm frustrated and when I'm disappointed. I will love you through the trials in my life and I will love you even when I'm wondering why. You are my God. You are worthy of my praise. Even through the storms."

When You Plan In Advance To Be Upset

There are moments in life where I dread something coming up. It’s either an obligatory kind of thing or something I feel trapped into doing or going to. I hate these times for I don’t feel like I can be at my best due to my attitude.

Sometimes we plan in advance to get upset.  We know what someone is going to say, we know what action is going to be demonstrated on their part and before it even happens, we plan in our hearts to be upset about it. Without even giving them a chance to be different, or to act different. Without giving ourselves a chance to be different or act different.

I’ve done this. I’ve BEEN this. Have you? Have you planned in advance to be upset about something?

It’s as if we’re not just upset at that moment in time, but we’re upset every day leading up to that moment in time, as well. Because we know how we are going to feel about it.

I think I have pretty good instincts about people. And I’m often right about the outcome when it comes to these same people. So I have plenty of occasions to get upset, if I choose to. And sometimes, unfortunately, I do choose to. Sometimes I’m entitled to be upset. Other times, well, not so much. I can make things bigger in my head and heart because of all that time I gave myself to dwell on the issue.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

When I plan in advance to be upset about something, the other person loses because of the unfortunate choice or action they made. I also lose because of all the time I lost harping on the thing. I lose because of all the stress I put myself through and I lose because I didn’t choose (on the occasions that call for it) to not let it ruin me or affect my joy.

I can choose so many different ways in which to respond. But often, my pride wins out by telling my heart that it’s going to be upset before anything even happens!

I could do a lot better by myself.

I could choose to pray about things leading up to the moment in time that I’m focusing on. I could choose to let the issue drop at God’s feet instead of my own – thus removing the weight of the burden on my heart and shoulders. AND, I COULD choose to forgive BEFORE the offense is given. Especially if I’m expecting a predictable response or pattern.  I could even somehow set up a boundary in my heart and life so that I avoid the moment all together.

Getting all worked up is something we are good at. Especially women. Some things are indeed worth fighting for. But our frame of mind in the process is so crucial to how drama-free our lives can truly be if we want it badly enough.

We just have to want it badly enough. Bad enough to wait and see what will happen. Wait and see what God will do.

Isn’t that worth putting off the “upset” for a bit?

Don't Take This The Wrong Way, BUT.....

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but….”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but….”

“I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but….”

You know, the moment those words come out of someone’s mouth, that your defenses are going to go up; because you’re just not sure what’s coming next.  Usually, we DO take it the wrong way and we DO find it rude.

It can be hard to politely respond when we are put on the spot in these moments. I think, personally, that the person knows what they have to say maybe should be better kept to themselves….but they just can’t help themselves. They HAVE to say something.

The problem with this is that the question or comment hangs out there long after it’s said.  And what was intended to squelch someone’s curiosity, or need to give advice – ends up landing on our shoulders and sticking there – unwelcome.  We end up taking on a burden that should have probably stayed with the other party.

There are times in life where we are hurting. Maybe we don’t welcome a change made by someone we deeply love and care about. Maybe we really want to know something that is really none of our business. Whatever it is, the fact remains that if we need to preface a statement with something to clarify that we mean no harm – then maybe we need to rethink bringing it up in the first place!

There are just some things in life that we need to keep to ourselves. Some words, some thoughts, some hurts. And we can lay them before the Lord and let HIM deal with them and with us on whatever is weighing on our hearts, whether it’s idle curiosity, pride, malice, or selfishness.

Some people are very private. They DO mind your asking. Some people are very sensitive. They DO take your words the wrong way. It’s good to think about that before we broach a question that we know might be misconstrued or is too nosy.

Relationships that have a good vibe to them don’t need tentative comments made. Each party knows the other one’s heart and can feel free to ask questions or make comments – because everyone knows they are done in love. There is a difference in the closeness and the authenticity of the friendship or relationship that gives people the freedom to inquire and advise….never having to step on eggshells knowing they don’t have the ground to walk where they intend on stepping.

We need to think twice before we say, “Please don’t take this the wrong way…BUT….” For that “But,” could lead us down a slippery slope and a wedge that will forever sit between us, and someone we love.

It's Not All Doom and Gloom Out There

There is a lot of sadness in the world. Every time we hear awful news, we can think ‘not again.’ It can seem as if we don’t even have time to digest previous happenings before some new tragedy unfolds.

Sometimes it can feel like that’s all that is going on. Bad stuff.  Maybe it’s because we feel those emotions so deeply. We carry them around with us for awhile. It takes us time to recover.

But good things happen too. And they are happening today. Around us. It’s not ALL bad out there. I see the good going on too. God is still good and He’s still DOING good.

I think we expect ‘good’ to be normal. We deem the ‘bad’ as not normal. In reality, BOTH are normal parts of a life.  Because we see the good things as things that should always be going on in our normal life, we don’t register them as much. We don’t see that they happen often. We are blessed OFTEN.

Yes. There is bad going on in the world. We live in a hurting world. But there is also good going on.  We just need to open our eyes a little bit more to see it. We need to not let it sweep by in a whiff – but digest it just as we do the hard things. Let the emotions of the good be felt just as deeply as the bad. Tears of praise and gratitude can stick with us just as long as grief, if we allow them to!

We do ourselves a huge misservice to think it’s all “doom and gloom” out there. I’d like to challenge you to see the “praise and glory” in your world instead. I think it will rattle your world as you see that angels are working just as hard (if not harder) than the demons.

Life is a battle. Yes. But every battle doesn’t end in a loss. There are plenty of wins going on in life today. Look for them. SEE them. Feel them. Love them.

And thank God for them.

One of THOSE Days

There are those days.

The days where nothing seems to go right. You lose your temper with your kids, the errands don’t go well, the day’s agenda gets all messed up, and more.

You get discouraged and blue.

We ALL have those days.

We ALL get discouraged and blue sometimes.

I had one of those not too long ago. It was as if from the moment I woke up, things were just aligned against me. And I didn’t help my own case when I lost my cool with my daughter in the car.

I felt miserable afterwards. ALL morning.  For when I’m not right with my family, I’m just not right at all.

Here’s the thing though. It was one day. ONE day. ONE moment. I can do 100 things right as a mom and a wife, but when I mess up? Those things seem to have a life of their own. Regardless of if I was justified by having a bad day and other things going wrong – I lost it. I made the wrong choice with my attitude and my words.

And it felt lousy.

The thing we need to remember in those moments and on those days, is that just as bad days come – so will good ones. Just as we feel we messed up everything as a mom, so also, will those days come where we see the reward for doing something right. It’s a pendulum and it swings wide sometimes. We have to hang in there.

Just as we need to ask those in our life to forgive us, we need to forgive ourselves. Being human is one of the toughest things to accept about ourselves. But human we are. We will mess up. We will say things we regret. We will react before we think. We won’t handle situations as gracefully as we’d prefer. And yes, sometimes others will remember our words and our response. But hopefully, the bigger picture will win out. Our character, our heart, and who we are generally, in life, on a daily basis.

Don’t let one awful day ruin everything good about who you are. Start fresh again. Get on your knees and ask God to mend broken bridges and thank Him for His large doses of grace and mercy.

Maybe one day was awfully lousy. Maybe some of it was your fault and some of it wasn’t. But one day is just one day and it won’t last forever. Be determined to do better next time as you work on giving yourself grace. For if you can’t extend grace and mercy to yourself; how can you ever expect anyone else to?

Choosing Not To Argue

I’ve discovered that usually when I’m in an argument with someone, it’s because of my own pride.

A lot of times, I could choose to let an issue go – but I don’t. I instead, choose to engage someone whether it be defending a stance I feel strongly about, or getting indignant about something that I feel is either right or wrong.  Either way – most of the time it comes back to being a pride issue.

Pride is one of the toughest things for me to overcome. There is an instinctive nature we all have in fighting for our territory; our rights. And at times, it is necessary to do just that. But on a daily basis for most of us – it isn’t necessary. And in fact, we do ourselves, our relationships, and our Christian walk a disservice by choosing to pick a battle that stems from pride.

James 4:1 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”

I’m usually left feeling frustrated when I have an argument. I sometimes am frustrated with someone else, but I’m also frustrated with myself for letting my irritation or anger spark and get enraged at someone else. I know that for me, I often can’t hurry fast enough to make things right again – with the other person and then personally; an apology to my Lord.

We all have desires. We have wishes, dreams, and we have morals and values. But sometimes I think we need to be a little more discerning in what battles we allow ourselves to be engaged in and in what battles we earnestly take to the Lord on bended knee in prayer. 

I’m learning to speak to the Lord first before I act on issues that I’m passionate about. Oftentimes, that “wait” time is just what I need most to make room for Him to whisper to my heart and show me what action point and attitude He wants to see come out of me in regards to something. Plus, I have a lot less to regret when I give myself time to think about something and to seek God’s input on it.

Pride is a hard thing to let go of. But when you can pause, swallow and step back – God will make it easier to set our pride aside in the best interest of His name.

*Published on DevotionalChristian.com July 2011

Gasp! They Sinned??

Sin. It’s an ugly word. It’s often uttered in hushed tones and gossiped from ear to ear.

“Did you hear about so-and so?”

In christian circles, we often like to use “veiled” words also. We don’t spell out what happened. We politely coin words and suggest something improper happened but we like to leave dignity to the offender.

And that’s okay. Accept that even christians gossip and spread rumors. And most of us have a very strong need to know the truth. The REAL story. So what is offered up as a way to quench any uproars from people, often spurs private conversations galore.

Everyone talks about “it.”

Let me just throw this out there. We ALL sin. Just because we love the Lord and may serve in a position of leadership doesn’t mean we don’t have weaknesses or areas of temptation. In fact, if we find ourselves in these roles, Satan may go out for us with even more fervor. He likes to ruin reputations, you see. Steal joy. Damage trust. Topple thriving, growing families and ministries. It’s his specialty.

I hate sin. Just because I know we all sin at times, doesn’t mean I don’t hate it. I hate it with a passion. I’ve seen how it tears apart, breaks, and cripples people. I’ve felt the hurt and shed the tears – as have many of us.

The thing is – how do we handle sin when it is revealed to us? If we find out one among us is pregnant, struggles with pornography, had an affair, stole, killed someone – how do we deal with our brother and sister in the Lord? Do we continue to whisper about them behind their back? Do we withdraw our love from them?

Most times, from what I’ve seen, is that we act as if suddenly someone that we admired is now flawed. When in reality, they always were flawed.

We don’t see everything in someone’s life. We don’t see them on the computer. We don’t always see how they treat their wife and kids. We aren’t always with kids when they go out for the weekend.

Whether or not we love the Lord isn’t the question. It’s whether or not we can call on God to give us the strength to do the right thing in a tempting situation.

I don’t want to turn my back on someone who is willing to try and “right” their wrongs. I don’t want to stop loving someone who I KNOW, is trying to get their heart and life right. And I don’t want to condemn or criticize – but I know that’s so easy to do.

I am imperfect. We are all imperfect. And we are not immune to satan’s attacks however he chooses to aim them at us. Alcohol, drugs, sex, abuse --- they exist and they are powerful.

Grace given. That’s what God did for me. And that’s what I need to do for someone else. It may not be easy. It may take a lot of prayer to get to….but we all make mistakes.

May we hold one another up when we do….instead of tearing each other down.

When It Feels Like The World Wants My Blood

One Night With a King is one of my very favorite movies. I have a lot of favorite movies – but this one is up near the top. It is the story of Queen Esther and how her courage saved the Jewish people from annihilation.

There is a point near the end of the movie where she has to summon up the courage to tell her husband (King Xerxes) that he issued an order to kill her people – and that that order also meant she was to be killed.  She had to do this in front of the very man who talked him into it because of his hatred for the Jews. Up until this time, Esther had concealed her heritage and it was not known that she was a Jew.

With great passion she says, “he wanted their blood. MY blood!” 

That is how I feel on some days.

I am a woman. So that brings up a lot of safety issues. In a world that is increasingly sexually deviant, I have to be very safety conscious. I have two daughters that I have to worry about as well.

Then, I am an American. I can’t simply travel anywhere anymore just being an American woman. I have to worry about someone wanting to harm me not just because I’m a woman…but also because I’m an AMERICAN woman. They hate me simply because I’m American.

And to top that off, I’m a Christian. I’m a female, American Christian. 

Society isn’t too kind towards Christians these days. They deem us “intolerant” when really; they are intolerant of us. Any trace of what we believe, is being rubbed out, obliterated, and erased as quickly as possible from society.

Yes, some days it feels like the world wants my blood.  Simply because of who I am and what I believe.

I haven’t done any crime. I haven’t hurt anyone. I just exist. And for that, there is a mark out for my life.

If you think I’m being extreme, think again.  Saeed Abedini is sitting in an Iranian prison being beaten, tortured, and denied medical treatment even though he is suffering internal bleeding and his kidneys are failing. He is American. He is a Christian. And he has done no crime. He is going through all of this simply because of who He is and what He believes. They wanted his blood, and they are currently getting it.

There are men and women all over the world like Saeed, who are sitting in prisons and labor camps simply because of what they believe.

I think we forget that this life is a battle. We forget what forces are at play and we go about our business ignoring the injustices in society because they don’t “affect me.” At least that’s what we tell ourselves.  But we are wrong. They do. The more morality deteriorates, the quicker the world will think what was once good is now bad. And that includes people with morals and values like me.

I am seen as the enemy because I speak truth. I believe truth.

And just as Queen Esther begged for King Xerxes to spare her people and save her blood, I, too, beg for it. I beg for people to not allow the world to unfairly treat Christians simply because of their faith. I beg for every nationality to not hate another simply because of their race.

Blood isn’t something cheaply given.

It’s good to remember that every time blood is shed, there WILL be a price.  Some day.

Every life matters. Every life has value.

Let’s stop seeking each other’s blood and instead start fighting for it.

When Your Kids Are Mad At You

Being a parent takes a lot of heart. You have to be intentional and know where you want to go with your kids. You have to know what end results are important to you or you can feel like you’re in a current at times, being swept out into an open sea. And that never feels fun.

I want my kids to enjoy me. I want them to consider me a friend especially as they get older. But there are times when – let’s face it – they just aren’t very happy with me. Not only that, they are out and out ticked at me.  Maybe I deserve it. After all, I’m new at parenting. Each child has their own distinct personality, character traits and bent in life. With each child, we learn a new way of parenting. We have to parent each child in slightly unique ways from the other.  But sometimes I don’t deserve the anger poured out at me. And it can hurt.

Perspective has been one of the most important things I can fall on when I find myself the focus of one of my children’s anger. I need to step back and look at the situation in several ways. I need to look at it through their eyes, through my eyes, through God’s eyes, and then from an objective point of view. It’s hard to remember all those angles all of the time, but if I can ponder and reflect before addressing the issue; I’ve found it’s easier to truly consider each of these frameworks.

Sometimes it’s very necessary for me to apologize. I am wrong. A lot. Or I’m right – but I handled my “rightness” in a wrong way. So I still need to apologize.

Sometimes I need to wait. For if I’m raising my kids with hearts that are sensitive and empathetic; once they have had time to reflect – they will come and apologize to me.

And sometimes – sometimes I need to address the anger in my child and call them on their behavior; nipping it in the bud before it can fester and grow into bitterness.

It’s tough to know which call to make. But perspective helps. And knowing that if you have a loving relationship with your children, they won’t always be angry with you helps a lot also. They are right to have emotions just as we are. We need to be able to let them feel free to have those emotions even if it’s not fun.

Family life can’t always be happy. We need friction in order to help our children learn how to handle emotions and how to grow in healthy ways. We need to be strong enough to take the brunt of things at times, to help them learn. Children shouldn’t “rule the roost” so to speak – but in respectful ways, they can still work through their mad feelings towards us.

Our job as parents is to always love. Always respect. And always believe in our children. If we can forgive and ask for forgiveness when it’s necessary, we can always repair bridges that got a little charred from a fire of heated anger. 

Hopefully, the relationships we are building are honest and open enough that they can endure many disagreements. For many disagreements shall come.