When We Give In

I can be a very stubborn person. I don’t like to “give in” if I feel very strongly about my stance, view, or position on something. But over time, I’ve been learning a few very important lessons about “giving in.”

“Giving In” doesn’t necessarily mean I was wrong and the other person was right. Sometimes, it means that I value the relationship more than I value my position of having to feel and “be” right.  It may mean I’m choosing to pick my battles and this particular one wasn’t as hefty as I know some others might be. But it doesn’t mean I was wrong.

“Giving In” doesn’t mean that I’m weak. Like I said, I can be stubborn. I can hold onto my pride if I feel I might be embarrassed, humiliated, or look foolish.  So at times, “giving in” can be the last thing I want to do. But sometimes you have to “give in” for the sake of sanity. For the sake of your emotional and physical well-being. For the sake of relationships.  You have to choose your priorities. I need to realize that I can swallow my pride more easily, than I can repair a broken relationship. I’m learning, that it takes greater strength to “give in,” at times, than it does to hold my ground. Holding our ground can be easy; but to make a choice we wouldn’t prefer or would rather not do? That takes greater strength. And greater love.

“Giving In’ doesn’t mean I’m giving up.  It means I value something greater.  Of course not every situation should demand that I “give up.” If something is morally or legally wrong, I should always stand firm in what I value and believe. If someone could be in danger? Never “give in” to hiding it.  But normally, life asks me to “give in” on a smaller scale. Those issues may be very important to me, but are not life-altering for someone.

We dig our feet in so many times, in life. We can be selfish and stubborn in the quest for someone to simply acknowledge “we were right.” But in the end, “rightness” doesn’t always win. Sometimes you have to let something go, for the ability to simply be able, to move on in life. To get past it and to grow.

You can still be strong. You can still be compassionate. You can still be “right.” But by “giving in,” you can now, also, move forward. And sometimes, that is what is needed the most.

It's Not ALL About You... But Sometimes a Little Bit About You

“It’s not about you.” We hear that so often. And it’s true.  We shouldn’t be “me” focused, in this life. Those who give to others, love on others, and focus on bettering other people’s lives and making a lasting impact for good… they are happier.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t need anything. It doesn’t mean we are content to be ignored.

For everyone needs love.  And everyone needs to feel valued.

Everyone craves touch.  An encouraging word.  Someone to notice them.

Some of us may not need it as much as others; but we all need it.

We need each other.

So, although it’s important to not get caught up in our own crisis, problems, and our own little world – it’s also important to have a support system, people we can talk to, and those who will invest in us.

No one should go through life all alone.

We can thrive on giving and loving; but an empty well still needs to get filled up from time to time. And we can empty ourselves into others so much, that we don’t notice when we start feeling dry, until we’re already there.  And as good as we can be at listening to positive speeches, reading motivating words, or relaxing… we still need others to recharge us and invest into our lives.  We need to know that we matter!

So, if you are a giver – good for you. I bet you have a content heart and life. But allow others to give to YOU once in awhile.  If only for your soul. 

We all need to feel loved in addition to loving on others. Let yourself be loved. Let yourself be encouraged.  Make changes in your life, if needed, to make sure that you get that emotional connection that your heart craves from time to time.

You may be surprised. Sometimes we think everyone already has all the friends they need in their lives. But, most people always have room in their lives to love and be loved on by a new friend. Invite them in.  Open your heart.

And get that well filled up.

It’s NOT all about you. But sometimes, it’s a little bit about you.

I Did My Best

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a very good parent. I try. I try SO HARD. I try to be intentional in the lessons I’ve taught my kids over the years. I try to be intentional in the generosity, the “I’m sorry’s,” the importance of church and moral influences, and in the joy, peace, and ‘rightness’ that comes with having faith in God.

I’ve tried to be fun. I’ve tried to be a good listener. I’ve tried to give my kids space when they needed it – yet let them know I’m always available, and there for them.

And yet, I know I’ve failed miserably on so many occasions at so many things. I’ve yelled and lost my cool. I’ve shared something with a friend or family member when I should have tucked their privacy inside of my heart and kept it safe there. I’ve embarrassed my kids. Said the wrong thing. Been too clingy. Been too harsh. Been too emotional. Not listened enough when they were trying to share. Hurt their feelings.

So I’ve tried. And I’ve failed.

But I’ve also tried, and succeeded. At times.

Only God knows if all my prayers on bended knee or in my children’s rooms will come to fruition.

Only time will tell if my kids can see beyond those mistakes and mess-ups, to the heart that beat only for them for so many years.

I so wish I could have gotten it all right. I wish I could have known the exact times when I needed to speak up, and when I needed to be quiet.

But I did my best.

I tried to soak it all in, for I knew the years would fly by. And fly by, they have.

I tried to navigate it all. Every curve in life, every heartbreak, and every change. I tried to let my kids be who God created them to be and let them make their own mistakes. Oh, how hard it’s been to do that on certain days!

But I did my best.

I put myself out there. Every day. To be judged, criticized, assessed, and rejected.

And yet I hoped, as all moms do. That the seasons and phases of life would change, and those same judgments and assessments would one day be seen in a different light. With a different heart.

For I always gave my best. I did my best. And I loved the best way I knew how. With every inch of my being.

Flawed or not, wrong-timing or not -  it was all of me. All of my heart and soul.

All of my best.

My kids deserved nothing less.

You Have To Understand, That No One May Understand

A husband can always think that he works harder than his wife. The wife on the other hand, will never be convinced that her job is not harder than her husband’s.

A military wife deals with her husband being gone for extended durations at a time. She will never understand how another wife can get so scared and weak, when her husband goes out of town for just two nights.

They are differences of perspective, to be sure. And life is full of them. Someone will always feel one way, while someone else will come along and challenge those very feelings that they, themselves, have conquered or endured on a greater scale.

Neither person is right or wrong. We are all simply living different lives on different scales. We all have different pressure points that are weaknesses for us. God made some of us to be tougher, and others of us to be softer. Both are beautiful in their ability to handle the life they’ve been given.

The thing is, it doesn’t help us when we are the ones going through something and we feel like our feelings are cast aside, laughed at (possibly), or ignored.  We want to feel validated. Listened to. Helped!

You have to understand, that there are some times in life, where no one may understand. Ever.

I know. It stinks. But there are just some things in life where it seems we are meant to go through them, alone. Only with our feelings, thoughts, and our God. And somehow, we have to reconcile with them.

It is good, to see what others have been able to handle. It shows us we have the ability to be stronger and tougher than we thought we could be. It’s also good to learn to be empathetic to someone else’s position and point of view – even if we feel they should handle it better. We are not them. We don’t live with their struggles – so how can we possibly ridicule someone for not being like us?

It is true. There will be times where it seems as if no one in the world understands us. (As a reminder, our God does. And He’s with us in those times.)  During these moments and challenging seasons, try to think of how you will navigate what you’re going through, if there is no one who will ever understand. Will it change your feelings? Will it impact your choices and actions?

Sometimes the times where I’ve gained the most strength, are the times where I’ve decided for myself that it doesn’t matter if no one else understands. I UNDERSTAND. And I’m committed to my viewpoint. Sure, it would be encouraging to get the affirmation of those around me – but it may not come. And if I can understand this and make some choices that will help me help myself, then that’s what I must do.

People will let us down. They will disappoint. But we can always learn how to take care of our own emotions and feelings by setting boundaries in our lives, being proactive with certain choices and decisions, and finding ways to encourage ourselves and help keep us going.

My friend, I wish with all my heart that someone would understand your feelings. But they may not. And they may not understand me. That doesn’t mean they are right and you are wrong or vice versa. It simply means they don’t walk in your shoes and see things from where you are standing.

Hang in there. Keep seeking God’s wisdom and guidance. And use this time to remind yourself to offer understanding to someone else when they seek it. For you will then know, what it’s like to stand in the shoes of the misunderstood.

This Is the Life God Has Called Me To Live

From my point of view, I’ve seemed to go through quite a few things in my life that weren’t “normal.” By that I mean, that I didn’t know anyone else to whom I could talk to or consult with about what season I was in at the time. I understand that doesn’t mean that someone else somewhere wasn’t going through it. But for me, I just felt all alone. I felt like I was navigating that season a little bit blindly – hoping that I made the right choices through it and came out the other side in tact and better from it.

I’ve struggled with these seasons in my life. I’ve struggled because they were things that people would probably view as things that “shouldn’t be done that way.”  There are certain things and ways you should go about things in life. And for whatever reason, my life doesn’t always seem to go about these things in that ‘acceptable’ way.

I’ll give you a couple of examples.

I got married at 23. But I didn’t just get married. I got married to someone who had been married before, and who had custody of his 6 year old son. So I immediately became a full-time custodial stepmom. Not something I knew anyone else in my life had done.

I’ve had two children get engaged at the age of 18. Before they graduated from high school.

Not part of the normal. Not part of the way society says you should do things.

But I’m thinking, “Just who made society always right, anyways?”

Just because something isn’t considered ‘normal,’ doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

There are a few other examples in my life of things that haven’t taken the ‘traditional’ path. I’ve had to adjust my mindset and my thinking to accept these deviances from what everyone else thinks I should do, how I should do it, and when.

There are so many times where I wish I could feel ‘normal.’ I wish I could have the same problems as everyone else. But it seems that I am not called to ‘normal.’ God has a different direction and plan for my life. He has asked me to step into abnormal situations and circumstances and trust Him with them.  It doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle internally with them. I do. But I’m learning that this is my life. This is the one He has called me to. And it’s beautiful.

I’ve been stretched. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been judged. But I’ve also seen glimpses of God at work that I know I wouldn’t have any other way. I’ve seen His hand in my life and in the lives of those I hold dear and I could not wish or ask for anything differently.

I may wish at times that God had called me to a normal and safe life. But I’m honored that He’s called me to this one. Even though it is so different than what I would have thought I needed in my life – it’s a blessed life. And I will handle it with as much graciousness, prayer, and integrity that I can.

Whatever life God has called you to, know that it is tailored just for you. It’s a life that He feels is right for you and how He can best speak to you and through you. Trust His judgment. Trust His curveballs. Enjoy the ride when you can, and hold on to His hand when you’re scared. He will never leave your side.

It’s your life. Whatever you’re going through – it’s what He has designed.

Just. For. You.

Parenting Is a Process

I’d like to think I’m a “cool” mom. But the great thing about parenting is how it humbles you. Just when I think I’m doing things right and am on the smooth track, one of my children will tell me that something I do really irritates them and that they hate it.

Yikes.

I hate it when that happens. Coolness factor goes out the door quickly!

Sometimes of course, I don’t agree with my children or see why something I say or do would bug them. Sometimes I can see the error in my ways and I apologize and try not to do or say the offending thing again. But either way, I try to work with my kids on the issue. I may try to explain my position or I may ask God to show me how to be more open in changing my approach. I don’t want them to think that life is all about them, yet at the same time I truly want to weigh what they have said to see if there is some merit in it.

To me, parenting is a process. Just like life is a process. I’m always learning, I’m always growing and I’m always changing.

I remember telling someone years ago that I hadn’t changed. That I was the same person inside that they knew year’s prior. But I was wrong. I’m always changing. I’m constantly learning things that God is teaching me and I’m tweaking who I am to be a more Godly wife, mother, and woman. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Sometimes the process is painful, embarrassing – or as in the case I mentioned above with my kids: humbling.

I’m not perfect. Not even close. But I do try to have honest, pure motives in what I do and how I treat those in my life. Yeah – I’d like to think my kids think I’m “cool,” but I know in reality this will not always be the case, as much as I hate to acknowledge that fact. Life is not about “coolness” … it’s about relationship. And the one I have with my kids is more valuable than any “cool” factor ever could be. If I’m doing something for their good, regardless of whether or not they like it, I’m going to stick to my guns.  Because I love them.  Hopefully, I can still be somewhat “cool” in the process. But if not, at least I will know that I did right by them and right by God. And that’s all anyone can ask.

When The Call On Your Life Is Great, So Is the Attack

I am so blessed with my children. I couldn’t have dreamed of having more precious people in my life. They have brought me such great, unspeakable joy. They have stretched me and they have given me a drive to protect them, that I didn’t know could exist.

They have completely changed me.

I look back on my life and on the life of my children (who are no longer little), and I see the challenges and battles that have come into our lives along the way. I’ve seen the unfair turn of events, the random battles we waged, and the deep hurts we’ve struggled through.

I believe God has a calling for my life. And I also believe He has a calling in the lives of each one of my children. The realization of this, can’t exclude the fact that this is the exact reason we have gone through some of the attacks, hurts, and battles in our lives, that we have.  Satan doesn’t want us to fulfill that calling.

I see things in each one of my children that maybe they don’t quite yet see in themselves. I see the potential that is still not fully developed. I see the beauty in their hearts. I see and I know who they are. Just as my God knows me. 

Each spot of tenderness, each soft spot in their life that has a gifting, God wants to develop that to impact as many in His name as possible. Yet it is those exact spots in their hearts and lives that seem to be discouraged and hurt time and again. Because – again – satan does not want us to develop them. He doesn’t want us to grow. To gain strength and courage. He doesn’t want us to realize what we’ve been given.

But I see it. And I will fight for it.  I will protect, to the best of my human abilities, the specialness and uniqueness that God has given each one of my kids. I will pray over them, I will encourage them, and I will fight hard when they don’t realize they need to fight for themselves.

Because I am a mother. Because I love them. And because it’s part of my calling.

No One Has The Right To Control Someone Else

There are people in our lives who just aren’t good for us. They may love us, they may want the best for us… but they can sometimes not see past what’s important to themselves.

People don’t often see it, when they are suffocating, stifling, or hindering us. They don’t realize that they can be controlling. They don’t mean to hurt us.

But they do.  Maybe not so much in words, but in how they relate to us and in the input they give into our lives.

It’s just not in our best interests.

You see; people can color what we want for our own lives – with THEIR own agenda, thoughts, and wishes. They try to talk us into things, they try to mold our dreams into how they see the future should go. 

It’s not done with malice. But it’s still being done.

We don’t even always see it happening until our emotions are entangled in the friendship, relationship, or romance.

That’s why having many people who have input into our lives is important. You should never just listen to the thoughts and counsel of only one person. Even if that’s one person you love a whole lot.   You should seek out advice and input in many ways and from many respected advisors.

If we are in a relationship (whatever kind of relationship that may be), it’s important to get breaks from that person so you can get your thoughts into focus. Breathe. Think for yourself and focus.  If someone wants to utilize all of your time and doesn’t want you talking to other people or getting their opinion – that should be a big red flag. They are trying to control you.

It can be so hard to break away from someone who interjects all of their time, care, and input into your life. After all, they do care about you. But it’s not being done in a healthy manner. For a healthy friendship, relationship, or romance to happen, two people need to be allowed to have their own opinions, dreams, and wishes. Encouragement should be given for these to flourish.

Someone who truly loves you will want the best for your life…. even if that doesn’t include them. Because they will want you to be the best you, you can be.

Chances are if you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, deep down, you know it. But you don’t want to lose that person.  That’s understandable. But think about your own future. Do you want to lose yourself? Your dreams? Your ability to freely be the person you know you can be? Lose other relationships that are important to you?

No one has the right to control someone else. No one else has the right to tell another person what they should feel or want for their life. For we all feel and want different things. We can encourage. We can give hope. We can advise and pray for wisdom. But we should never tug and pull on someone to do what WE want them to do.

Get some space. Get some fresh air and room to breathe and think for yourself. You have better instincts than you know. Believe in yourself and in the direction your heart is telling you to go in.

Do what’s best for YOU. And let the rest of the chips fall where they may.

How Someone Treats You, Can Affect Your Whole Day

_{We are creatures of emotion. As much as some of us would love to deny the fact that our emotions affect us, they do. In fact, I’d venture to guess that your emotions affect who you are, what choices you make, and how you feel about yourself.}

_{If you live in an unstable home environment, it affects you. How your spouse, your parents, or your children treat you, affects you. It can color your whole mood and your whole day.}

_{I don’t happen to live in an unstable home environment, thankfully. But I still know that how my family treats me, affects my mood, my outlook, and my attitude each day; especially when my feelings are hurt. I tend to be more irritable and grouchy. I get mad at traffic easier and I’m less gracious and accommodating of others when I’m running errands.}

_{I judge people quicker.} 

_{When I feel as if life is going well and things are good between me and my husband, and my children and I are in sync, I feel like I can face almost anything when I go outside my front doors. I tend to wear a smile on my face more often and I greet others with polite manners. I am more forgiving and understanding when others make mistakes.}

_{All because of how I feel.}

_{I think that’s why it is so important to treat others with love, respect, and tenderness. Oftentimes, we can be gruff with each other and harsh – hurting and wounding each other in ways that go deeper than we think or understand. Hurting people hurt people and it starts with how they were treated by someone else.}

_{I can look at people differently if I look deeper than their outward façade. If they fail to smile, are they bothered by something? Did someone they love wound them with a comment? Are they feeling unappreciated?  Is that maybe why they didn’t pay attention to my dinner order in the manner that they should have? Is that perhaps why that teen picks on others? So that he can try to release the anger and hurt that he has bottled up inside?}

_{We live in a hurting world. People are hurting from so many things. Our homes need to be a safe place. They need to be a shelter from the storm.  We need to nurture, love, and cherish each other in our own homes, so that we have the joy, love, contentment, and understanding that will spill over from us onto others, when we go outside our front door.}

_{Children who feel loved, will love on others. Teens who feel accepted, will accept others. Families who exchange kind and gentle words…. will offer them to those they meet.}

_{What we learn, we teach. What we’ve been given, we tend to give.}

_{So let’s be kind to one another. Especially those who live inside of our four walls at home. Give each other grace and space at times. I never want my spouse or children to have a bad day because of something I said to them. I know it’s happened, but I can do my best to avoid it happening again. I love them. And I want them to feel it.}

The Imperfections of Life

Little children. They are so precious. So innocent. You watch them pretend when they are at play, and the world is at their whim. They dream of becoming a doctor, lawyer, singer, mommy, or teacher. The world is a safe place in their eyes and they are happy. They are loved. As it should be.

Teens. They start to get a little jaded. They see that not all promises come true. People don’t always keep their word and “friends” can sometimes be downright cruel. They experience hurt and heartache for the first time. But they also still dream. They dream of taking on the world and making a change. Being different. Making an impact.

Then we arrive in “adult land.” It’s fun – but not as much fun as we dreamed it would be. The imperfections of life have arrived. We battle that unexpected weight gain after our second child.  We wipe away our tears when our spouse ignores us, says hurtful words, or embarrasses us. We struggle with depression.  Somehow, our children aren’t the “good” little behaved children we thought they’d be.  We seem to always have a huge pimple on the morning of an important occasion. And those we thought would always be closest to us – aren’t.

It’s life.  And it is full of imperfections. The imperfections that you are never told, when you are a child.

We seem to always look at the missteps. The things we never planned on. The paths we didn’t want to take. And we overlook the imperfections that entered our life that were beautiful. Touching. Joyful.

When we look at the word “imperfections” we experience negative feelings. But imperfections can be freeing and they can provide just the right “uniqueness” our lives need.

Our lives are full of positive imperfections that we never dreamed we’d deal with when we were kids. Imperfections like having a “surprise” child late in life; who is the most precious, adorable thing. Someone we never could have imagined living life without.  Imperfections like stumbling across that “best friend” at church. Moving for a job and realizing you adore your new city more than your hometown. Financial blessings that we don’t deserve. Allergies that surprisingly cleared up when we turned 40.

Imperfections.  They don’t have to be bad. And they aren’t always. They are simply life’s “surprises.” They are the unexpected. The adventurous. The “different.”  They are the gifts we never asked for and sometimes didn’t want.

We are so quick to label things especially when they are things we can’t control. But life has a crazy way of reminding us we aren’t the “boss.”

Just as a child draws a picture that isn’t perfect, or a young girl bakes her first batch of misshapen cookies – life has its own imperfections. And they can be beautiful. They can be blessed. They can be full of love.  We just have to be ready to accept them. Be willing to look for the good.

It’s there – waiting to be found.

A Deeper Poverty In People's Hearts

I’ve been on a few mission trips. They changed me. They expanded my heart. I forever think of life differently.

Poverty is a hard thing to witness when you realize you have so much. A toy. A pot. A mirror. Things you think are expected needs are luxuries for some. That’s a real eye opener.

But the one thing that stunned me the most was how happy most of the people I met were. The joy in their eyes and hearts was contagious. Convicting. To be happy with so little.

Over time, I’ve been stirred to focus on a deeper poverty that exists; one that doesn’t seem to be getting as much attention. The poverty in people’s hearts.

I believe we should always help those less fortunate than us. We should help those who have no money, need food, and find themselves in dire situations. Not just in other countries, but in our homeland as well. But I also believe that we shouldn’t just help those suffering from monetary poverty. We need to start taking action on the poverty that exists in a very real way in the heart’s and souls of millions.

I believe that if people didn’t have empty spaces inside of them, there would be less violence.  There would be less selfishness. Less greed. Less sexual deviance.

People are hurting. They are lost. They feel empty. They are struggling to figure out who they are. WHY they are.

People are caught up in empty quests of money, image, fame, adventure, and greed and finding its lure fades away. They still see their marriages fall apart. There kids ignore them. There finances blow up.  It’s all temporary.

There is a deep, deep poverty in people’s hearts that needs to be addressed. There is a loss of morals, values, and honor. Only once it is rediscovered, will people start feeling fulfilled again.

We need to love one another. Invest in each other. Forgive each other. Respect one another. Be kind. Be tenderhearted. Give grace and mercy when it’s needed. We need to start eradicating poverty. Physical poverty.

And emotional.

It just takes you and I. To care. To love. To feel.

Will you?

A Child Left Undisciplined

Undisciplined and pampered children. I see them everywhere today. It’s as if we are afraid our children won’t like us if we tell them “no” or if we are the last parent in their class to allow them to own a cell phone or I-pod. We are afraid of OUR image as well as THEIR image being tarnished.

We’ve put image ahead of character building.

The bible says, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.” Proverbs 29:15 (NIV)

When our children grow up, they won’t know how to respect us, be generous with us, or be sympathetic or compassionate to our needs because their world has been so focused on themselves. We’ve allowed that to happen. We’ve bypassed the chance to teach and correct them so many times in lieu of trying to be their friend or to be deemed that we’re acceptable and cool. We’ve sacrificed our own children’s health, spiritual, and emotional development.

Our children NEED boundaries. They need to be told “no.” They may not like it, but they need it. They need us to have wisdom and discernment to know when those times come. They need us to have a strong enough sense to know we are right at times, even if we are unpopular. They need to know that above all, everything we’ve done for them is out of love. We’ve disciplined them – out of love. We’ve held things back from their lives – out of a love for them. We’ve enforced chores and responsibility – out of love. We’ve imparted Biblical knowledge, morals, and values to them – out of love.

I truly hate it when my children are mad at me. I would much rather be their favorite person. But at times, I know I’m doing the right thing for their lives.  You only learn pride and the value of things by having to work for them and not getting everything handed to you.  You only learn compassion by sometimes getting hurt. You only learn humility by being at the bottom and not always at the top.  These are lessons that our children need. otherwise they will grow up to be narcissistic, deluded young men and women who don’t give the time or day to those around them --- including us as their parents.

Loving and raising a child is hard stuff. It’s tough at times to do the unpopular thing – the right thing. Many tears and frustrated moments come. But it’s worth every prayer you toil over, every change you make to help mold and shape a child who has strong roots in the Lord, a wise and discerning heart, and a kind and giving heart.

First published at Devotional Christian - March 2011

Problems Are Tougher Today Than They Used To Be

It’s true. We live in an age where new problems, challenges, and hurdles present themselves to parents. Tough problems and challenges. Issues that our parents and grandparents never faced. Things that haven’t even been written about in “self-help” books yet.

We live in an exciting time. Yet, a time where we can’t always refer to the past to help us out with a problem. Sometimes we have to forge our way through it…. Alone.

Schools are different than when we were young. Cell phones are allowed in a lot of them, and rules have changed. Curriculum has changed and the students and teachers themselves, have changed.

Kids socialize through their phones or online in great part, now. They don’t stand in the living room talking on the landline phone where you can snoop from the other room. No, they can text, message, or snapchat in quiet – while you’re in the room.

We have cyberbullying now. Sexting. Cutting. Selfies. Online dating. None of these things were issues when I was a girl. Not all of technology is bad. Just like not all of life is bad. But with everything new that evolves or changes in our life, there can be hurdles to overcome as a parent.  How do you protect your child? How do you give them space without letting them run amok? How do you give them self esteem without indulging them? How do you stay close, without smothering?

So many questions.

So much information to take in and digest! So much time involved in trying to keep the pace.

For caring parents, just because they have a problem, doesn’t mean it’s a life-altering one. It doesn’t matter. Being a parent is still tough. It’s tough to instill guidelines and boundaries in a world that doesn’t have them. It’s tough to help your kids and teens feel ‘accepted’ without being ‘corrupted.’

So, do what you can do. Research what you can research. Set those guidelines and boundaries that are in the best interest of your child and your family. Talk often – even if your kids are annoyed with you. Because that’s what a loving parent does. It loves, protects, and sees the big picture – even when no one else can see it.

Parenting may be tougher today than a few generations ago – but we were called to parent these kids in THESE times. You have what it takes, even if you are on bended knee in prayer and tears some nights.

Hang in there. Keep loving. Keep believing in your family.  For they are irreplaceable.

When You Don't Have Someone To Do Something Special For You

Not everyone is blessed with close girlfriends. Not everyone has family in town that stands in the gap for you when you’re sick or hurting. Not everyone has a spouse who thinks ahead to do thoughtful things for them.

Today, I’m thinking of these people. These precious souls who sometimes feel so lonely. These tender hearts who long for someone to do something out of the blue for them – just because.

Not everyone has someone in their life who makes them feel special. I wish we all did, but we don’t.  Some are left wanting, wishing, hoping, and longing for those gestures of value, love, and recognition in their lives.

I know it must be so hard to get online and see pictures of other women celebrating with their girlfriends on their birthdays. I know it may seem like everyone else has a close network of love and support….but you.  But I promise you, that’s not the case. In fact, I’d bet that those of you who are lonely and wanting special friends in your life, are in the majority – not the minority.

Everyone needs someone. Everyone wants someone in their lives whom their heart can feel safe with and who they can call up in the middle of the night, when an emergency rises. Or even if there IS no emergency; it’s nice to know that someone is there in case you needed to call!

I’ve been in seasons of feeling like I didn’t have someone. I’m sure most people have. Luckily for me, they were short-lived. But here is what I did to survive it and what you can do too.

1) Pray, and grow closer to God. God is the ONE friend who will never leave your side. He longs to do special things for you on a daily basis and He longs for you to feel your value! Look for Him. Bare your heart and soul to HIM. And find that hole in your heart close, as He fills it with His love and His presence, while you wait for someone else to draw near to you.

2) Reach out – instead of in.  Every time I give to others and give of my time to others, I feel better about myself. I feel more loved and I have more love to give. There is always someone out there who has a need, and always someone who needs what you have to give them. Offer it. We always have love to give.

3) Do something special for yourself!  I know one birthday where I was feeling sorry for myself and I decided to pamper and treat myself to a special day. You know what? It worked! You don’t have to wait for someone else to come along in your life to do something special for you. Yes, we need one another, but until that support system comes along – do things for yourself and love on yourself a little bit. Get a pedicure, buy a new pair of earrings, go to a movie you’ve been wanting to see. Indulge in your favorite ice cream, or take the day off and read all day instead of doing chores!  We don’t need other people to say we are valuable – God has already told us that. So treat yourself like it!

I truly hope and pray that someone comes into your life who will love you just as you are.  Someone who will do thoughtful things for you – just because. Someone who makes you feel the valued person whom you are.  But in the meantime, take the actions needed to remind yourself that you are special – even if no one else is around to tell you that.

You Were Meant For More

You were meant for more than that guy you are settling for. The one that you know doesn’t quite keep his word, or embellishes the truth. The one who is ‘nice’ – but not quite honorable.

You were meant for more than that job you are sticking with. The one that takes advantage of you.

You were meant for more than those friends. The ones who are fickle and care more about appearance than your heart.

You were meant for more.  You deserve more. You are valued more.

There is more out there for you than what you are settling for. You don’t have to ‘put up’ with things. You don’t have to ‘suck it up’ and handle being stepped on, taken for granted, pulled down, or lied to.

You were meant for more.

There are people out there who will keep their word. They will come through for you. They will encourage you, instead of using you for their own agenda.

There are people out there who will work hard and strive for excellence, instead of always looking for an easy way out. They want more for themselves – and will want more for you, too.

There are people out there who will see your inner beauty, as well as your outer beauty. They will help you flourish and help you be who YOU want to be.

There are people out there who have morals and values. People who believe in honor and integrity.

Don’t settle. Don’t adjust your life to something because you don’t see anything else on the horizon.

There IS more. It’s out there.

And you deserve it.

Wait for it. Pray for it. And welcome it with open arms when it comes.

Expect Something Better

All too often we “settle.” We settle for being in whatever financial state we’re in, we settle for a relationship that isn’t quite in our best interests, and we settle in jobs, or expectations that are placed upon us.

We settle because we don’t believe we deserve the best. But we do.

Whether we’re tired of waiting, have low self esteem, deem the work, “too hard,” or simply just feel like we are unlucky….each one of us can have a better outcome if we would only shift our thinking and attitudes. Even just a little bit.

I have found that when my day starts out rotten and I continue on thinking it will be a bad day, it often is. But if I can plug through the mess and still have a positive attitude, I often look back at the end of the day, surprised that it didn’t end up as horribly as I thought it would!

Attitude is everything.

If we expect better for ourselves – we will find better. Just as if we expect little for ourselves – we will find little.

We can make the absolute best of what we’ve been given and in doing so, suddenly we find that what we have isn’t so awful. It improves with perspective, time, and attitude.

Other people will believe in us more, help us more, and respect us more, if we show initiative and endurance, coupled with a positive attitude. It really is true that people who help themselves get farther in life!  You can’t sit back and wait for the world to take pity on you, for the world will just keep on walking.

Expect more out of yourself, and more FOR yourself. Dream. Give yourself boundaries and goals to work through and towards. Put positive people in your life who you can emulate and learn from. Pray. And smile. Laugh. Learn. Grow.

Expect something better. Hope for it. Wait for it. It will come.